


Moon and Mud

by 123Chickadee



Series: Pack Verse [1]
Category: Blood and Chocolate - Annette Curtis Klause, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Moderate Violence, Power of Friendship, Self-Esteem Issues, Unresolved Sexual Tension, slight sexual undertones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 02:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 55,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5989458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/123Chickadee/pseuds/123Chickadee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First written on 09-28-09 and completed on 02-18-10.  Remus Lupin has had it! What started out as just running away has suddenly turned into not only an adventure, but a chance to heal. Details to follow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, I am not JK Rowling. Nor do I own Blood & Chocolate. I am not Annette Curtis Klause. I have nothing to do with the creation or publication of either work.
> 
> Warnings: Descriptive violence , and….I got nothing. Avert your virgin eyes: this is a T or higher fiction.
> 
> AN: This is Lupin-Centric, and a Crossover with the book Blood & Chocolate. It's a werewolf fic, and set during Lupin's 5th year-meaning this is during the Marauder era. For Blood & Chocolate, it is near the beginning of the book. Also, this was originally posted on FF.net and now being posted here, in its format. I'm doing this with my other, older stuff-including this series. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The moon softly illuminated the figure that rested languidly on the bed. He felt a chill pass through him; the figure had gold predator eyes, they were the only outward sign of anger. The sweat was clinging to his body, and made him very aware of how exposed he was. The curtains were blowing behind the figure, creating an alluring despite the underlying fury beneath the surface.

His heart was stuttering and screaming at him to flee; the figure parted plumped lips, and a kittenish pink tongue darted out. He knew he should have listened to him before-the room seemed to spin, and he was positively shivering now-but it was so hot. It felt like fire was flooding the room; the moon had definitely had something to do with it.

The figure was panting, and stared into something he couldn't see, and he continued to watch the figure with morbid fascination. He felt his bones rattle-maybe the figure felt it too. Now it's eyes were on him-it was changing shape somehow, becoming more full, richer-its eyes refracted the moonlight, becoming potent. It looked as if it was waiting for something. He felt strangely leaden, body shaking as it pulled him forward to the now erect figure. The figure watched with an emotion he couldn't know, and he felt a thrill of fear go through him; both seemed to burn beneath the silver light.

The prospect of a challenge sent rippling heat through him, and he never felt more intrigued as terror bolted into his chest; he had to expel these sensations. The figure was snarling, pearly fangs revealed-the muscles beneath the skin were stretching themselves taunt-as if waiting for something.

As he stood above him, he felt a thrill of dominance he never felt before-but the figure wasn't afraid of him at all, and knowing that made him swell up and tighten like a balloon fit to burst; he was startled to find he was growling. Both were shaking-both collided-he wasn't sure what was happening, but he liked the feel of rough hide and sharpened teeth-the low growls gave him a violent feeling.

He could feel the burning limbs wrap around him, and he can't be sure if its in affection or anger; the hot lips were open and showed the slick teeth-the fur clung dampened to the lithe body that was struggling and writhing beside him. It was crying out in a way that made his chest ache, and he opened his mouth and loosened a howl.

He could feel the teeth sink into him, sliding in a rabid symmetry. His fear reached its peak, he threw his head back, eyes rolling as the blood spurted and ran down hot between flesh and fur. Lightening coursed through his blood, it sang in tandem with the figure's howling-the unity made a thunderous pulse in his ears. When he looked down and opened his eyes, he saw-

A boy's face-one he knew-flesh pinkend and enlivened, the sweat clinging to a petite body-looking the picture a savage and wild flower that had just bloomed. The boy-his face-his lips were covered in blood. His blood. Shining a luminous red when backlit by a looming moon; he knew that he was going to die.

He screamed.


	2. Land of Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Blood and Chocolate. Gah, insert witty comment here.
> 
> Warnings: Teen Angst-Oh the horror! The more mature themes will appear in later chapters.
> 
> AN: Since this is set in Britain, it'll have expressions and slang not native to the US of A-you'll notice, I imagine.
> 
> Enjoy!

His breath came out in puffs, swirling about near his face. The cold December air assaulted his too pale skin. He shuddered and sniffed, the falling snow was starting to irritate him and he suppressed a sneeze; he seemed to be coming down with a cold. Rubbing his hands together, one Remus Lupin fidgeted in the snowy expanse of his backyard. Nearly wishing that he hadn't decided to come back home for the Christmas hols, he stomped his feet on the ground; it was bad enough that he had to go through the change tonight, but that it had to be in such awful weather-

Remus clutched his arms together, and tried to stave off the change a bit longer. He knew he couldn't suppress it for much longer, but he honestly felt squeamish when it came to his transformations. The night was clear and crisp, and despite the chill in the air, his skin felt slick and poorly made. Sighing, he took his shaking fingers through his pale brown hair; if only he wasn't feeling so bad, he could enjoy the night air.

Feeling anxious, Remus turned his head from side to side; he was exposed despite the natural forests nearby. He swallowed quickly, trying to push back the sour flavor in his throat, it was getting too clammy and uncomfortable in his skin. It was like knowing you'd be sick, but wanting to hold it off until you couldn't any longer; Remus wanted to throw a tantrum, but instead he twisted himself around for a moment before straightening.

He wished for the third time that his parents, or at least one of them had decided to take him down to the shed instead going by himself, but he insisted to go it alone-for safety reasons-but he still couldn't help but feel saddened when his parents didn't dispute his reasoning. After he'd become bitten, they had to move from their comfortable, near muggle suburbs' home and move to the countryside. Life had never been the same after that.

Since being bitten, no one went near him-parents of playmates suddenly disappeared, and Remus found himself inside his home more and more. His father was still in disbelief that werewolves weren't the work of fiction(he was a muggle himself after all, despite being married to a witch), and was a bold man of reasoning, and his mother a soft literature lover. He could no longer go to anything public, even when his change wasn't near.

Now, he was a fragile creature that must be tucked away from prying eyes; a danger to others and himself. He knew his parents had difficulties adjusting, unable to treat him the same way again-but they never treated him badly. He was just no longer the little child they could-

'An invalid to be coddled, some little poor boy unable to have a normal life.' he thought bitterly. 'I'm too different for them, and I can't do anything. Either I'm a monster to run away from, or stupid cripple to pity."

Remus couldn't stop yelling these thoughts in his skull, now becoming thoroughly upset, he kicked up the snow and let the powder sting his bare skin. He shivered and hurried down towards the shed his parents had him use during his transformations. It was large enough when he was human, but when he changed into a beast it became a cage. Remus felt tugs of resentment at being in such a small space, but he couldn't quite figure out why-maybe it was the werewolf that liked the open space so much.

A sudden kick to the gut made him double over; it was starting. The kicking persisted, and he half ran, half stumbled by like he might sick up. Fear slammed into him-he wasn't inside the shed yet. Groaning, he limped his way towards it, willing himself to go faster. He could feel the swift pounding of the change in him, making his hands shake-Remus swiftly unbolted the door, and slammed it quickly behind him.

Remus hissed in pain after a sharp zinging went through his back, bending him over. His abdomen muscles shuddered and bunched, the area felt tight and swollen. His grunt of pain quickly changed to a moan when the shuddering of his muscles throbbed downwards to his groin. He felt his skin flush with shame even though no one could see him. The fabric of his clothes scratched at his rippling skin, the pores becoming sensitive and sharpening.

Clothes starting to tear, he fumbled with the fastenings, trying to take them off before they were destroyed. The cold air hit his body, the contrast between his sweltering skin and the blistering winter winds caused him to shiver and feel sick. His heart was beating faster than a humming birds' wings, he panted wildly, his jaw lengthening as he felt his teeth redefine themselves. He groaned again, trying to bite back on screams and feral noises as his throat clenched over and over.

Shaking all over, and feeling incomplete as his body shifted in between two different forms-he couldn't understand the odd blend of feelings. Elation and fear, desire and disgust, completeness and isolation, and the desire to run to ends of the Earth. Crumpling to the ground, and unable to stop thrashing, Remus whimpered; knowing his already good senses were sharpening ten fold, he spit, sneezed, and shook to stop the assault on his senses.

The final sickening crunch of his spine echoed inside the too small shed. Remus only felt his fear subside and replace itself with disgust when he felt the spine realign itself, shifting obviously beneath his now furred back. He flicked his ears, checking himself over-the change was complete. He now let himself make a noise, growling, he lifted his head to smell his surroundings.

He could smell himself, the clothes lumped on the floor, the dusty tools, the dampened earth hit his nose pleasantly. Growling in frustration, and the need to be outside instead of this dusty shed. Inhaling more air for new scents, he sneezed loudly-there was more dust than last month. Shaking his head back and forth; the anxiousness did not subside, and with it came irritation. The irritation that he brought with him from school.

He was positively furious now, raging at everything insight-unable to pinpoint the source of his rage, he twisted this way and that; the little hovel was too small, he was hitting his own flanks, and his jaws snapped up and down. Remus plunged up and down like a wild stallion, his nostrils flaring. A new scent hit his nose-something with a heartbeat, small and prey-like.

He keened desperately, the desire to get out peaking. His paws slammed into the wooden doors, their old frames creaking dangerously against the weight. Biting at the doorframe, Remus snarled and his teeth gripped anything they could fined. He hated being locked up, and the simple thought filled him with such longing and fury that he reared his head and howled at the roof.

The scents of the world outside of the shed were tantalizing. His jaws opened wide, creating a roaring, frothing sound as he shook himself over, his form writhing and shaking. His entire body seemed to open wide, hesitating only an instant before slamming his entire weight onto the door.

The old wood had given only a pathetic creak before splintering with an impressive echo. Remus burst out of the rotting shed, leaping high into the air, howling in joy. Feeling his paws hit the cold, hard packed earth, and the impact went though his body. He growled in satisfaction, and went running through the snow covered lawn. Feeling pride at the vastness of his backyard, he lifted his leg at a nearby tree, a wide arc sprayed an oak, the hot steam rising into the night.

He dashed over to the woods, feeling the air ruffle his fur; it was no longer unpleasant outside, but rather enjoyable. Running for the sheer joy of it and in any direction he pleased, Remus was panting in contentment. The wind was picking up, sending a thrill through his spine. New smells came his way, and one them came the smell of prey.

He followed its scent, it become visible-it was a rabbit. Remus crouched low, his muzzle pointed at the small creature; pulling back his lips to reveal his teeth, his ears pointed forward, and his muscles poised. His paws made no sound over the snow, and he crept onto his belly and inched along. He froze for a moment, and-he pounced.

The rabbit screamed as the jaws of a wolf descended onto its small body; Remus felt spasms of pleasure at the first crunch between his jaws. He shook the rabbit savagely and tossed it into the air before leaping after it, and sending it crashing back onto the ground. Its neck was broken, and it was a satisfying weight in his mouth; growling as the scent flooded into his nose and mouth, Remus bit down again, feeling the hot blood squirt down his throat. Putting the rabbit down on the ground, he crouched over it and began to eat.

He rumbled deep in his throat as pleasantly warm blood clung to his muzzle, and he tore off small chunks of meat, the bones peeking through. Wet meat plastered on his jaws, and slid down his gullet, the soft downy fur fluttered in puffs near his body. Ripping the bones out of the flesh with delicious messy slides, he felt them crunch satisfyingly in his mouth. Happily sated, he looked up at the sky. The moon. It hung upwards as if glorified in the chilling winds. A new set of emotions rippled through him, and he tore his head to the sky, howling to proudly announce his kill to the moon.

Enlivened at the sight, Remus leapt to his paws and bounded forward. He could feel the moon on his back, and he ran; the kill earlier had strengthened him, and its blood surged in him and ran hot. The smells of damp earth were fetid and intimate, the wildlife shrinking back when they sensed his approach. Tree branches scraped at him, and Remus playfully fought them, biting them to pieces and yipping happily.

Now playful, he twisted this way and that-kicking up snow and chasing his shadow. Writhing through the fields, he spanked the ground and looked for new scents. Following a new trail, he bounded away and through unfamiliar farmlands. The mounds of the graves of crops jutted out, and Remus pounced on them. He dug through them, letting the dirt and snow coat his paws.

He wrestled with the dead foliage he uncovered, before making mad dashes at imaginary foes. Running past the fields, and went full pelt into another small woodland. More scents came into his direction, a new one that puzzled him, but before he could follow it, it faded away. Remus whined in confusion; now he started nervously.

Agitated, he lashed his tail around him. His fur bristled, and he froze for the scent that alluded him. A sudden heavy slam knocked him off his paws. Thick fur choked him, and a pair of jaws clamped tight on the back of his neck; he shook from the instinct to stop moving. A surprisingly deep growl emerged from parted jaws, demanding to be released from his hold. The heavy weight rumbled, almost like laughter, and gripped him tighter.

He roared, shattering the quiet. His teeth gleamed in the moonlight, and he bucked, trying to throw off the weight. He twisted underneath the behemoth cage, his soft underside pressed close to the others-pushing his hind legs to the other's belly, he kicked, and scratched. The other growled in pain, snapping its muzzle close to his, the rancid, and strangely sweet stenches invading his nose. It snarled, wanting his submission. He bit the other's thick muzzle, hearing the grunts of pain from the other.

He writhed out of the other's grip. Bounding out of reach, Remus looked at the other. It was much larger than him, with matted, thick fur was a wild storm grey. The muzzle was shot through with silver and impressively large. Ears forward and snarling, jagged, yellowing teeth shined like daggers in the moonlight. Bristling thoroughly, making him even more larger than he was, and he was giving deep throated snarls. The eyes were jet black, and appeared as pits in the skull.

Remus bristled, the fur expanding to improve his size; his blood was running hot, and the moon was urging him on. He snarled, shaking his head up and down before going still into a more aggressive stance. The other sniffed, almost in amusement, before lowering his head and charging. His teeth snapping dangerously close to Remus's flanks, and he whirled on the Gray one, trying to find a hold on him. It's ragged, wickedly curved blackened claws dragged through Remus's fur. He howled in pain, feeling a raw, wet mark against the cold air.

Snarling in fury, Remus rushed the other, snapping his jaws. The Gray swerved, and took a swipe at Remus and missing. The two whirled on each other, with Remus circling wearily, snapping when the Gray got too close. It rushed forward, leaping up to pounce. Remus ducked low, his belly brushing the snow and he rushed forward. His teeth bit into the Gray's foreleg. It roared in pain, diving down and clamping his jaw's on Remus's back.

Remus was being shaken in the air, his midsection blazing with fire from where the Gray's jaws held vastly in place. He was keening, and he could smell his own rank terror. His own blood was clotting in his fur, and he writhed and brayed. He kicked a hind paw in the Gray's face, his claws scoring at the eyes. It roared in pain, and threw Remus into the air. He sprung to his paws, and whirled away-leaping at the Gray; he slashed the sides, and bit into the base of it's tail.

It reared its head, roaring with fury, and descended onto Remus. He yelped, managing to get away from the hot jaws, but not the rakes of the bear-like claws. He was moving like a whirlwind, barely dodging the blows raining down on him. The black eyes never leaving Remus's form, and the growls sounded like pleasure. Legs shaking, Remus broke from the circle, rushing away from the Gray.

It howled behind him, happily giving chase. The behemoth thundered after him, spraying up waves of snow. Remus twisted and turned though the forest paths, feeling hard branches break against his fur. He darted through the woods, scanning for the exit; a few small outcroppings jutted out by thick pines; Remus dove through them, wiggling into the small holes inside them.

The Gray sprinted past, but doubled back, its large bulk looming against the backdrop of the muted forest. It lifted its head, opening its jaws slightly to get a better knowledge of scents. It swiveled its broad, grizzled head in Remus's direction; he tried to suppress a whimper at the sight of the black eyes.

It bore down on him, snarling and tearing at the outcroppings to get at Remus. He bristled, the fur on his back refusing to lie still, and the gray found his quarry. It slammed itself onto the outcropping, growling and it paws ripping through the ground. It thrust its muzzle into the small opening, jaws snapping up and down rapidly, teeth nearly brushing Remus's fur. It seemed to laugh at him.

Remus snarled indignantly, and bristling, crouched before rushing at the gray's jaws. His teeth grazing the others, and both leapt up into the air, slashing vertically as they attacked each other on their hind legs. Remus went for the underside, and the Gray the throat. Both collided with each other; Remus's aggression peaked, feeling heady and savage; Remus would not back down. Neither could support the other's weight, and the Gray heavily collapsed on top on Remus; the two grappled on the pliant snow.

The Gray slammed Remus to the ground, its jaws pressed tight on his throat. Remus froze, his lip still curled when the gray's fangs scraped down his jugular, and it's massive paws pressed onto Remus's spine and flanks. The Gray had effectively pinned Remus down; it nudged Remus's thick tail aside, pressing his nose beneath it, and sniffed heartily for a few moments. The deep rumble the Gray gave made Remus's body shake. It roughly snarled, and still keeping a hold on Remus, moved into his line of sight before thrusting Remus's nose beneath his tail.

Remus almost recoiled. The heady scents assaulted him; the Gray most certainly male, adult and healthy, had fathered cubs, and had the distinctive smell of blood and rotting meat. It was heady, thick, and rough. It growled in impatience before thrusting his muzzle hard into Remus's throat before releasing him and bounding away.

He sat up, his hackles still raised, and it wasn't until the Gray was out of sight and scent that Remus ran away. Taking the opposite direction, his paws coasted over the snow. Once out of the wooded area, he lashed his tail angrily, pacing back and forth and alternating between snarls and whimpers. Remus began to plunge and whirl, his tail between his legs, ears flat on his head, and his hackles still raised. His nostrils quivered, and he would briefly freeze and crouch down.

He paced, and then would break into a run before stopping and repeating the processes. Suddenly he bolted, running as fast as his legs could carry him. His surroundings unfamiliar, but unnoticed by him, he kept running. He was getting tired and hungry. Panting, he finally slowed to a slow walk, his paws padding dully across now softer, dirtier snow.

His fur began to burn, and he shook himself agitatedly, and he yelped when it was accompanied by a sharp kick. He trembled on his paws, and he looked up to find the moon was no longer hanging in the sky. He was making the change back, and he hobbled near the back of a shed, as Remus the boy began to return in the beast's place.


	3. Stone cold

He shivered and that's what woke him up. Remus bolted upright faster than he thought possible, and then winced in pain. Looking over himself he saw-

'How'd this happen?! I've had cuts before but…'

Remus delicately grazed the cuts that crisscrossed all over him. He hissed, and drew shaky breaths; they were deeper than most. The dream still clung to him, the huge wolf still fresh in his mind, and the cold air made him shiver. Wanting to forget all about it, he searched for his clothes-

'Wait, the shed looks different…huh?! Is this…am I…'

It was the wrong shed. Remus almost screeched a curse. He was in the wrong shed-it was someone else's shed! He jumped up, ignoring the flash of pain that went through him and his eyes darted around to take in his surroundings. It was a bit roomier, and cleaner. The tools looked as if they were used often, but it was still quite cold, and Remus shivered again.

From the small window that was behind him, it was at least noon; the pale sunlight streaming through the high window. Remus tried to remember if it was a weekend.

Drawing breath sharply, he tried not to panic. He had to get out of the shed; he had no idea when the owner would come in.

'Oh that'll make an interesting conversation. Excuse me, but could I please use your telephone? I know we've never met, and yes I realized I'm completely naked in your shed, but it would be too much trouble? Oh and by the by, I happen to be a werewolf. Oh yes that's hysterical.'

The shed was getting cold. Remus turned around to face the heavily wooded door, its hinges sturdy. It was now or never; trying to summon up the courage for what he about to do.

'Come on, it'll only take a few minutes, and then you'll never see those people again.' he mentally psyched himself up. Remus grabbed the handle, tugging on the heavy door. When it finally gave way, he was hit by a blast of cold air. Poking his head out, he didn't see any people out. Remus pulled the door wider, sticking his whole head out. Glancing about, he saw he was by a deserted street. The fallen snow was untouched, shining slightly from the sun.

The roads were wet, the slush and ice still stuck to the roads. No cars went down the lanes. Houses dotted the lawns, and it seemed like Remus was near a suburb; it was deserted. They were very few cars in any of the driveways either.

'Okay-go for it!'

Remus wrenched the door open, and dashed out of the shed. He winced when the door slammed shut, but he didn't look back. The snow was up to his knees, and he stumbled through the cold. The air was slicing through his lungs, making it hard to breathe. Running for the house that was closest to the shed; he was almost there.

"Oh bugger bugger bugger bugger!" he hissed, completely nervous.

He went into the corner of house, a tiny niche in the side of the house; no one had heard him. Glancing into the back window of the house, he saw that no one was inside. Remus's heart pounded uncomfortably, and it made his throat and nose constrict; he coughed for a few minutes. He really didn't want to do this.

'If only I had my wand, then this could be easier.'

Remus turned his head to the front of the house, it had a brick lined path leading to a small porch. It was actually a rather cozy looking home. Maybe it belonged to an old lady. He noticed that one of the bricks was loose. Remus grimaced-

'Just when I thought I didn't have to run anymore.'

Remus took another look at his surroundings before rushing up to the front of the house. He slid, baseball style to the home plate, or to the brick in his case. The snow clung to his skin, and he forgot about his cuts-at least before he slid into the ground.

" Argh! Bugger me!" he yelled.

Quickly moving out of that position, Remus grabbed the loose brick. Pulling, he realized it wasn't as loose as he thought. Trying to get a firm grip on the brick, he squatted down, his back to the road. His hands were shaking from the cold and effort of tugging, the rough brick scraping against them.

Trying to work fast, and his nervousness was mounting; he really didn't want to be arrested. He could picture what this would be like for someone walking by; he couldn't suppress hysteric giggles.

'Just think Remus, after all this is over-you'll find this hilarious. You could tell this one at parties.' Remus began to tug at the brick faster, his whole body scissoring up down rapidly.

"Come on bugger-stupid bleeding fuc-" Remus hissed under his breath.

The brick gave way. It flew out of Remus's hands, landing a few feet away from him, and Remus fell onto his back.

"Oh fuck!" he gasped out.

Leaping out of the snow, Remus cursed in full spectrum of the imagination as he tried to shake off the icy water. He writhed, leapt, and bounded in the snow, all the while shrieking like a madman. He zigzagged through the lawn, looking for the brick he dropped.

It stood out with its color, making Remus feel like an idiot for not noticing it sooner. He ran up to it, scooping it up. Unfortunately, Remus just happened to drop it on his foot.

"ARHG!"

Quickly trying to stifle his cursing, Remus instead gasped at the pain that flared in his foot. Remus stuck the hurt foot out of the snow and away from his body, and not to mention away from the brick. He hopped away from the front yard, quickly going back to the niche in the back corner of the house. Feeling even more nervous than before, Remus could feel the tension settle in his chest; a headache pressed itself on him, and his lungs burned whenever he breathed in the winter air.

Remus let his face twist in consternation for a moment before trying to banish the guilt of what he was about to do overwhelm him. He had to do this fast-no lingering whatsoever. Taking a deep breath, he began to cough; looking into the window onto his left, he noticed no one was in the kitchen. Raising the brick, he quickly smashed it against the window. It gave with little resistance, the glass tinkling to pieces; Remus blanched and felt ice water plunge into his stomach. Letting his hand go through the now broken window, his fingers groped for the lock to the door.

Remus's fingers were clammy from sweat; he couldn't see if he caused a disturbance, and the fear of getting caught made him shake all over. His eyes were stinging, and just when he was about to scream, the lock gave a satisfying click. Remus drew a shaky breath, and opened the door.

A warm blast of air hit his body allover, despite the chill from the broken window. His body shuddered in pleasure of being warm again, and he looked around. No one heard him it seemed. He had opened the back door, and was currently inside a small and cluttered kitchen. Remus looked for something to block the broken space in the window; he found a cookbook.

Now completely warm, he became more aware of his body. The cuts on his body ached fiercely, and almost in a another way Remus wasn't sure of. They need to be properly tended to, and the best place to do that was in a loo. It was easy to find, and Remus was in luck-the medicine cabinet was stocked full. Bandages, Neosporin, and all other assortments of items were snugly together. Pulling them off the shelves, Remus began his ministrations, ignoring the sick feeling of what he was doing.

His face flushed and the sudden warmth made his nose tickle, and then the sudden shooting tickling that bolted down to his groin. Bending over, he flipped the seat of the lid open; he was still bandaging himself up. He finished rather quickly, and felt relief when no one came to discover that sound of the flushing.

Quickly washing his hands, he knew he was hungry and he felt another guilty squirm. He didn't exactly want to raid a fridge. Trying to be as silent as he could, Remus padded over the linoleum to the fridge; it was covered with magnets and drawings plastered over every inch of it. Remus yanked the door open faster than he normally would have.

It was stocked full, and even though Remus wasn't sure what he wanted, he blindly grabbed at contents, and quickly stuffed them into his mouth. Most of it didn't taste like anything in particular and stuck to his throat. The inside of his mouth tasted sour as he peeked his head into the living room, and finding no one there, he began to look for the bedrooms.

The knickknacks that were lining the many shelves seemed to be staring at him, and Remus tried not to pay attention to the plush looking couches, or the ornate looking objects that seemed to be coming from everywhere. His gaze briefly rested on a framed picture, the people were posed and looked happy; He turned away his head so fast Remus could have sworn he heard his neck crack.

Remus found a bedroom, a boy's one by the look of it, and he shut the door behind him. It was messy, giving Remus an unpleasant sense of déjà vu. It was a typical teenage boy room.

'Right. Nothing odd about this-nothing to fret over-'

Remus shook his head vehemently to stick to the task at hand. He went up to the dresser, and began to go through it. Opening one drawer, he found what he was looking for. Remus held up the pair of boxers for inspection. They didn't look too bad; he smelled them, and was relieved to know that they were clean. They were snugger than he wished for, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

Next up were pants, and after a few moments of slight panic, he found an acid wash pair. They were a bit ripped up, but Remus didn't mind. They fit tightly, even for Remus's slender frame. Looking about in another drawer, Remus found a faded Led Zeppelin T-shirt. He stroked the almost soft fabric for a moment.

'Oh I know who'd love to have this-'

Remus suddenly threw the shirt away from him as if it burned him. He frantically looked for another shirt, and finally settled on a more neutral shirt that read "Detroit Sucks".

Since he knew it'd be cold, Remus opened the closet door and his eyes rested on a leather bomber jacket. It was worn of course-it looked like it was a favorite. Remus felt guilty, even as he stroked the leather admiringly. Swallowing convulsively for a moment, Remus then swiftly grabbed the jacket off the hanger and put it on. It was warmer than he thought it'd be.

Remus glanced nervously around, as if the owner would suddenly pop up to yell at him. He exited the room swiftly, and he spotted a pair of trainers on the left hand side. Not even bothering with much else, Remus stuffed his feet into them and then moved back into the kitchen.

Not even looking at anything but the back door, Remus lunged for the handle. He didn't care that he slammed the door, once his feet hit the frost, Remus bolted. Once he felt safe enough, Remus slowed his pace. Heart still pounding, he ignored the sudden wetness on his face. Inhaling sharply, he ignored the odd pangs in his chest as he started to sneeze.

+

Hours later, Remus was wandering about the small town. His stomach rumbled angrily, and Remus had no money for food. For a moment he wished he had looked through more dressers…

'Idiot-are you actually wishing you stole more than you did?!'

'Well,' he answered back. 'We don't have to go back to that house…'

'Are you suggesting what I think you are?'

'Your making it sound worse than it is-'

'So that makes it okay to do it at all?!'

'Now your contradicting yourself-we just did it-'

'That's different!'

'Is it really?'

" God-shut up!" he screamed.

A woman who passed by him looked alarmed at the outburst. Remus looked mortified that someone had heard him, and he hoped that she didn't hear anything else. She scurried away from him as fast as he could. Remus rubbed his arms together to keep away a sudden chill.

Remus turned down another street, the surrounding apartments getting more and more run down. He quickened his pace, trying to find the exit out of what was probably the bad part of town. More people were about in this section of town, and they were not paying to much attention to Remus.

Feeling jittery, he quickly turned into a alleyway and broke out into a run. Fighting down feelings, and trying to ignore the flush of shame on his face, Remus ran as hard as he could. Turning a corner, and he was out into a open street; a factory district. The smoke was thick and choking. The black color obscured his vision, and made him cough. The cold metal looked twisting and ominous against the dilapidated neighborhood. It looked so desolate that it made Remus's heart clench.

His trainers looked dirty, the snow turned dark and he nudged a piece of glass out of his way. It made a muffled sound against the compact snow. Dirty trucks stood idle, and the only sound was the wind howling through the empty lots. Remus shivered, feeling someone watching him.

Remus pulled his jacket closer to him, trying to banish the feelings assaulting him. He growled suddenly. Feeling shocked, he stopped and flushed with shame. Remus dashed across one of the lots, not caring about the soot that was starting to stick to him, and he ran towards the nearest of the factory. The buzz of the electric power grids sounded frightening in the deserted nighttime.

Trash swirled around Remus's feet as he dashed to a employee's only door. It was locked, but he didn't care. Almost hyperventilating, Remus tugged on the metal door repeatedly. The feeling of being pursued wasn't going away; he almost howled with despair.

Remus pulled hard, his muscles screaming at him; the strain made his chest ache and his head swim. Just as he arms were about to give out, the door cracked open violently. The locked bolts popping loudly out of place, and nearly hitting Remus in the face. His arms slumped to his sides, and the sudden leaving of pain made him see spots.

Remus dashed inside, the heavy door slamming behind him and nearly knocked him off his feet. It was dark inside, and Remus strained his eyes to look around. It was dingy and rough. The space was surprisingly wide, but was still cluttered with tools and machinery. Remus had absolutely no idea what sort of work went on inside, but just knew it looked almost stereotypically blue-color workstations. It smelled awful to him, the chemicals stung his nose and he sneezed a few times.

It was dirty, and the air felt oppressive despite its warmth. Remus shivered despite himself, and hugged his jacket closer to him, ignoring his chest's protests. He carefully walked through the space, making sure not to disturb anything. Very glad that no one was here, Remus looked for something to lie down on.

Farther in, Remus saw the faint outline of stacks of crates. He nearly tripped over things in his haste to get near them. They were lined up all along the wall, and some were stacked almost to the roof; Remus felt the rough wood running next to his palms. He could feel the beginnings of splinters along the surfaces of the crates. He gripped the crates tightly, trying to pulling himself up onto the tops of the crates. Bracing his muscles for the work, he tensed and his arms protested at the strain.

His upper body was above the crate, nearly on top of it, and his trainers kicked and scoffed at the wood. With a final upward tug, Remus managed to flop onto the top of a crate. His body suddenly felt heavy and bloated from the change of being upright to lying down. He curled up, trying not to feel dizzy or cold.

His eyes drooped despite a sudden unpleasant smell, and he could feel himself about to be lulled asleep…

"Wake-y wake-y kid."

Remus bolted up, throwing himself back against another crate, and hissed in protest at his body's pain. A harsh voice laughed-the sound was like nails scratching a blackboard, but deeper, more feral. Remus shook allover at the voice, the hairs on the back of his neck standing erect-and he felt his lips curl. The broad and tall man laughed at his reaction. Remus took a good look at the man before him.

He was huge, even when he was squatting down in front of him. Muscles could clearly be seen beneath the filthy clothes. They were all black, and the jacket he wore looked like old leather. It wasn't buttoned up completely, and Remus could see parts of his bare chest. His hands were calloused and dangerous looking, with long dirty nails. He was a hairy man, with grey hair that was greasy and poorly slicked back. The unusual blue and black eyes were wide, with vivid slits, and were slightly red-rimmed. His feral grin was wide and toothy.

"Sup kid, ya miss me?" His voice was mocking.

"Ah…" Remus could barely move.

"Wassa matter', cat gotcha tongue?" He laughed again, gravelly and low.

"W-who-"

"Maaybe this'll help." His voice soundly strangely suggestive.

The man leaned in and Remus backed away, trying to keep an eye on him without meeting the other man's gaze. Remus felt a sudden rough brush of fur on his cheek, and the scent hit him like a freight train. The sickly hot stench of rotting meat and rutting and wild mud hit Remus's senses. He blinked rapidly, ignoring the way his stomach clenched.

'This is the wolf that attacked me yesterday!'

"Who the hell are you?!"

The man laughed, the sound reverberating on Remus's neck and made him shiver. Remus's lips pulled back, and he trembled.

"Name's Fenrir Greyback-ya can call me Fenrir. What's yours whelp?"

"R-remus Lupin." He hated the way his voice shook.

"Sounds kinda' familiar-cuz' your one o' mine whelp. Can tell by ya' scent. That's why I didn't beat the shit outta ya'" Fenrir growled.

"Wait-one of yours?" Remus tired to stay calm.

"Yah, ya little dumbass, I memba' ya now real good. I bit'cha real good. Didn't think ya lived. Big surprise-your 'a runt. It was worth' it-ya were real tasty." Fenrir leered at him.

"Wait-you-you were the one who bit me?!" Remus struggled to breathe.

"Yup. So now that I gotcha back, your comin' with me. I'm gonna raise ya' right."

"What?!" It came out like a screech.

"Ya heard me whelp. Since I found ya' alive, your gonna come back wit' me-where ya belong."

"I-I don't understand."

"Ya don't belong wit' them meat sacks-your' suppose-ta be wit' your own kind. Not with fuckin' wizard's n' shit!" Fenrir yelled.

"My own…kind?" Remus's voice went usually soft.

"Yah-we don't belong wit' them-too different for em'-sides, who need em'?! They hate us, they'd kill ya' as they look at ya! Buncha' fuckin' worthless meat sacks! We don't need em'! We'll never fit in-just fuckin' kill em'!" His voice echoed off the walls in fury.

Remus was speechless, the air wasn't going into his lungs-his entire body felt submerged in ice. Fenrir's words reverberated through his body, making his spine tremble. He sunk to his knees, and he felt thoroughly sick. Fenrir was heaving from the exertion of his words. Remus felt too frail to even shake in fear, and the weight of Fenrir's impassioned words made the bile rise in his throat. Fenrir had started to speak again, but Remus wasn't listening-his ears felt like they had been stuffed with cotton.

"You'll never be accepted by em'-I can tell ya tried it. Didn't go over so well did it whelp?" Fenrir's voice started to sound less gravelly.

Remus drew breath in sharply.

"See ya know what I mean already." Fenrir sounded triumphant.

"N-n-n-n-N-NO!" Remus choked.

Fenrir looked shocked.

"You won't come quietly, huh whelp?"

"I-I won't go!" Remus couldn't tell if he was shaking from anger or fear.

Fenrir just growled, before it turned into a bark of laughter.

"Well whelp, ya just gotta be on the outside. You jus' need to see what its like to try to fit in-ya need ta be wit' your own kind. Course' you'll figure that out soon enough wit' out us before ya find me. Ya know my scent now, so just look me up. Course' the next time ya see me, I'm not takin' no for an answer."

Remus was speechless.

"Later whelp." Fenrir laughed, walking away from Remus.

As soon as Fenrir's scent left, Remus sunk down on the crates. He curled up, bringing his knees up onto his chest, and the motion made him cough violently. Remus shivered, feeling completely sick and miserable, and he tried to drift into an uneasy sleep.


	4. Blank fur-Half moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: slight anti-police stuff, hobo-ness, mild to moderate language, and thievery.

"Oi! Fuck me-look at this!" someone shouted.

Remus jumped. The voice was still shouting, and it was joined by another angry voice.

"Looks like someone been in ere'!"

"See if' they nicked anything!"

"Yeh mate, I'll go call the boss!"

Ice plunged through Remus as he felt the color drain from his face. The factory was opening, and the workers' angry shouts were rousing other newcomers. They weren't close to Remus yet, but they would soon enough. He looked wildly around for an exit; there were no windows, but rather a high ceiling with large metal beams. Remus could feel the hair on the back of his neck rise.

He looked quickly up, his heart choking with anxiety. Remus just wanted to curl up; Fenrir's words reverberated inside his skull. Remus scrambled up the crates, and his teeth chattered and splinters dug into his palms. On the highest stack of crates, Remus's head brushed the metallic ceiling, and the fat silver rafters were close enough for him to touch. Remus shakily tried to mount it, the sweat on his palms made it hard to get a good grip. He tried not to make a sound as he managed to swing one leg over it as if it were a horse.

Remus faltered, nearly loosing his grip and sliding off; he was trying not to yell. He decided to scoot forward, his palms flatly pressed on the cold metal, and shivered at the contact. Remus propelled himself forward with his hands and arms, his legs following sluggishly. Fear made his chills worse, and made his skin crawl.

Every time a voice yelled, Remus froze for a moment and pressed himself flat on the rafter. Inching along until he was in another room, he could see a metal staircase, the walkway was just a jump down from his perch. Remus took a breath, steeling himself before he slid down and jumped.

He landed on the walkway feet first, the shock reverberating through his entire body; Remus saw spots and swayed for a moment, before losing his balance for a moment. The clattering sound his body made against the metal was loud and grating. Remus could feel the impact-

"OI!"

Remus sprang up, and went full pelt to the door. The workers had heard the noise and gave chase. It open reluctantly, and Remus took the lower of the two staircases inside. Remus slid down the banister, wobbling and sliding dangerously fast.

"Oh Shiiiiiiit!" he screamed.

Remus leapt off a banister, rushing down the stairs and found another metal door. The door gave way after a few desperate tugs, and Remus flinched when he felt a blast cold air hit him. Remus let the door slam behind him as he ran across the snow covered lot. Remus ran. Not listening to the shouts of the people he ran past, concentrating on trying not to fall down, Remus was stopped by a chain link fence.

The workers were closing in, and Remus slammed his hands into the fence, rattling it in fear. He looked back to see the faces of the workers distorted with anger. Suppressing a shiver, Remus started to climb, his feet sliding over the metal. It felt like trying to walk on top of a river. The fence was tall, and Remus was only half way to the top. The workers were grabbing at his feet, their calloused hands brushing against the fabric of his jeans.

Someone yanked him down by one of his trainers, and rough hands grabbed his legs. One even managed to get as high as his thigh. Remus was being roughly dragged down to the ground. He was hanging onto the fence only by his hands, his fingers curled around the links in the chain and each digit was screaming in protest.

Remus felt like he was being squeezed, the air in his lungs was being throttled out of him. Whenever he tried to take a breath, all he could do was cough; his air was being stolen, ripped out by ragged wheezing. He looked upwards to see the overcast sky, but was seeing spots and blackness curling at the edges of his vision. It looked like burnt paper.

Remus could barely feel the wetness on his face, even the cold was turning into a numbing blistering heat. It made his limbs prickle, and his stomach kick. He was shaking so badly that he could barely hold onto the fence. The shouting and cursing didn't sound the same; a terrible snarling was filling his ears until it was the only sound he heard.

Remus's legs flailed blindingly, becoming frantic-

CRUNCH.

His foot had struck someone in the face. There was a lull in the crowed, and Remus kicked his legs upward, almost shooting to the top of the fence. He reached blindly, gaining speed. He barely felt the top of the fence before he leapt down, the air screaming in his ears.

He landed feet first, nearly toppling to the ground; he could feel the fingers from the other side of the fence brush his clothes. Remus stumbled away from them, almost falling a few times before gaining ground. His feet felt heavy, and closer to the ground then normal; he was still running, vaguely aware that the factory was farther behind him.

He slowed to a walk, feeling more drained than ever; he could finally breath properly now, and his vision was getting better. He felt sluggish and weak all over, his feet kicking the litter that lined the streets. Remus ignored the graffiti scrawled over the buildings, the glittering symbols looked alien to his eyes. He didn't care about anything at the moment, his surge of whatever energy he had had faded and left him with exhaustion.

Remus walked up to an arched doorway and not caring, slumped down under it's roof. Ignoring the smells day old food, urine, and cigarettes, leaned back against the bumpy concrete and closed his eyes.

+

When he woke up it was raining, and the air was crisper than it was before. His body felt stiff, and like it had been run over by a truck. Remus could feel stray raindrops flecked on his skin; his jacket was uncomfortable, and he couldn't get warm. Remus sniffed a couple of times, trying to actually smell something. It took a while for Remus to stand up, and he wobbled for a moment before he was able to get his bearings.

He still wasn't sure of the hour, day, or even where he was. Remus didn't care. His mind wasn't as hazy as before, but he strangely wished that it was. Remus barely looked on either side of him before stepping out of the doorway. He shivered from the shock of cold water coming down on him. His nose prickled, but he suppressed it.

He tried to hold everything in, from anxiety and anger to the prickling in his nose and throat. His head pounded, feeling heavy from the effort. He took a steadying breath, but was quickly cut of by a violent sneezing fit. Sniffling, Remus looked around for a signpost. It took him about an hour to try an locate one, the effort of looking was more calming than he thought.

The prickling was starting to subside slightly, and it gave him relief, from the throbbing cramps in his stomach and groin. Remus turned down a street, noting that he was leaving the industrial district. He seemed to be closer to the city, and that meant there would be restaurants. Remus hurriedly searched the pockets, and growled in irritation. Empty. Remus walked on, noting the desertedness.

'Where the bloody hell am I?'

Remus looked for any pedestrian to flag down, but continued on when he couldn't find anyone. Walking by a restaurant, Remus stopped. Through the glass he could see small pockets of customers at their tables. He stared. The fact that people were eating reminded Remus that he hadn't eaten in the last few days or so.

The was no money in his pockets, not even a single quid. Remus groaned, and walked away when he felt some patrons stares. He crossed the corner of the restaurant, and noticed the dumpster next to their back door. Remus couldn't stop looking at it. He wriggled uncomfortably at the sight; would he be proving Fenrir's point?

Remus flinched. He strode over to the dumpster, its contents overflowing. The smell wasn't particularly awful-of course Remus couldn't really smell too well at the moment. He could see crates next to the dumpster, and their contents were nearly the same, except fresher. Suddenly the back door open. Remus ducked down out of sight, and watched as a man in a messy apron threw out a few huge plastic bags. The man disappeared back into the steaming kitchen, and the door slammed heavily behind him.

Remus waited a few moments before darting forward. He ripped open the glossy black garbage bags and thrust his hands inside. Leftovers and day old vegetables came out by the fistful. Remus stuffed it all into his mouth. He couldn't tell what flavors belonged to what, but it was partly warm and Remus kept going for mouthful after mouthful.

His fingers desperately groped for more, the plastic sliding past and the sound was wet and gross. Sated, Remus quickly withdrew his hands from the bag. His mouth felt hot and sour, his stomach was full, but his face felt hot and he glanced quickly around; no one was in sight. Remus stood up and walked away quickly, wiping the traces of his meal on his clothes.

He suddenly wanted to rip his clothes off, they felt dirty and scratchy. He didn't know who they belonged to. Without warning, Fenrir's face flashed in front of him.

'These don't belong to me! I wasn't stealing anything-he's wrong! It can't be true!'

'Can it?'

'Shut up!'

Remus kicked a wall. It felt like Fenrir was walking right beside him. The coarse man's body was hot and rough next to him. The heat was radiating off his dirty body in waves. The sleeves of their jackets brushed together, making an unpleasant sound. Everything was sour, hot, and constricting. Rancid stenches rose up like steam, and Remus thought everything was disgusting. From the way people's face looked, to the clothes that clung to their bodies.

'Wish I had fur-'

'Oh…and what if-'

'NO. I can control myself.'

'Who says you want to?'

Remus shook his head so hard his ears rang. The whistling was so loud he clapped his hands to his ears; shaking all over, Remus just wanted to scream at everything to be quiet. Instead he looked up. He had walked near a train station; the whistling was the train pulling in. A ripple of nervousness went through him at the consequences his current train of thought that now pulled up.

He shifted from foot to foot. He couldn't see anybody who would notice him.

'You really want to do this?'

'What's the worst that could happen?'

'I think you know the answer to that.'

Remus now felt scared. This was a big deal now.

'Just for a little while eh? Lets just see how far we can go, then we'll turn back.'

The train was signaling its last boarding call, and Remus's heart fluttered rapidly. He could hear what everyone would say. He was the mature, responsible one. He would get in trouble, his marks would be poor, it was a bad idea. It was out of character.

Out of character. Remus was seething.

'How dare they think they know me! What gives them the right?! I can do what the fuck I want!

In his mind, Remus was shouting. His throat felt hot and his eyes stung. He was so angry, and angry at them-Their faces flashed before his eyes, their expressions well known to him. It suddenly made him angry to see their smiles-the very idea of them-

"Sod them!" Remus yelled, relishing the extreme venom in his voice.

He strode down the platforms, and walked up to a vacant stair step, and boarding the train. He smiled viciously as he watched the station get smaller and smaller from his window seat.

+

He got of the train with a jump. He walked into the crowd. With the press of a crowd, he felt uncomfortable being so close together. He wanted to get away, but every time there was a lull in the crowd, Remus had a phantom limb sensation at the space. He ignored the sign that told him where he was, he felt he get to it later when he needed to.

However, he did want to know just what the day was. Just to keep track. He spotted a woman looking at a large display map in the center of the station. Remus had to throw a few elbows to get to her. She was mid thirties and blonde.

'Oh, she looks like a Tory' the thought randomly popped up.

"Excuse me." Remus started at the sound of his voice-it was so rough.

"Y-yes?" she turned to him.

"Could you please tell me the date?"

"I-it's the twenty fourth." she sounded incredulous.

She blanched, looking strange under bright lights with her heavy make up. She was making some odd, disgusted expression.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" her voice was shaking and stilted.

"No thank you."

Remus turned away, quickly shoving through the crowd. Thoroughly rattled, Remus ducked into the bathrooms. He ran in, and picked an open stall. He leaned against the locked stall, panting heavily.

'What the hell was that?! Did she realize what I was?'

Remus froze. He remember where he had seen that look from. It was on the faces of people who had known of his condition. They always ended up looking like that. Remus shuddered as he imagined when Fenrir would say about this. He wanted to be sick. There were only three people who knew about it who didn't look at him like that but. But. As their faces flashed in Remus's mind, he quickly turned into the bowl and was immediately sick.

He rose unsteadily to his feet. Unlocking the stall, he ignored any of the other people there, that went past him. He stood next to a sink, and looked into the mirror. Starting in shock, Remus stared at what could only be him.

He face was pinched and sallow-er than usual, and under the florescent lighting, he had extreme angles to his face. Normally, youthful looking, now it was skull like. He didn't have much color except for the redness in his nose, making it look stuffy. His lips were cracked and almost blue. He had no visible flush, but his eyes were glassy and unfocused. They were slightly red-rimmed and puffy. His normally soft pale brown hair was now dull and was starting to get greasy.

Despite the shock of his appearance, Remus didn't bother to wipe any of the dirt or grime that covered him. His hands felt sticky, and he wiped them on his jeans. He knew he probably smelled awful, but he didn't care at the moment. He just walked away.

+

The city's bright lights made his head spin, and he giggled occasionally. He had been wandering about again. He went into a few places that didn't require money, and he looked at the shops, pretending he had the money to buy things. He'd leave a place if patrons were eyeing him or whenever he'd need another distraction. Remus managed to find a few bills lying on the ground and bought himself a coke.

The caffeine made him even more eager to explore the city, and he bounced around brightly colored alleyways with vendors selling things Remus hadn't seen before. There were secret niches and paths that led to different parts of the city, each one different from the last. It was big enough that anything and everything could be found there, with enough people around to cater to the most eccentric of needs.

It was an exciting fairy land to explore. One giant carnival that would never end. That meant endless distractions, and Remus knew he was going to see it all. He didn't want to miss a single thing. Remus found an arcade. It had pulsing lights and bubblegum music. He swayed to the beat, feeling as jingly as the coins that tumbled through the machines. He even got to play a few free games when some people left them unfinished. Remus watched as two little girls tried to win a teddy bear. He walked past them a few minutes later, leaving the arcade to find new toys.

He went back out into the cold air. Slumping on a bench, he fell asleep with the barest hint of a smile on his face.

"Oi!"

A hand shook him awake.

"You can't sleep here." a voice said.

Remus looked up. Two police officers loomed over him. Both looked annoyed, hard faced, and disgusted. Annoyance rippled over Remus, and he suppressed a growl.

"Do you have anywhere to go-" The first officer asked.

"Bugger off." Remus snapped.

"Oi, you little berk!" the other snapped back.

"Right, lets take you to the station then." the first said.

"Shut it piggies, I'm trying to sleep." Remus barked.

"Why you-"

"Come on then-."

The two officers hoisted Remus off the bench, ignoring his indignant shouts, and half dragged half hit Remus back to their patrol car. Remus writhed in their hands, as both men struggled to get a hold of him. Remus ignored their shouting, drowning it out with his own. The second officer tried to carry Remus, but he was head butted. The first officer tried to catch Remus, and support his partner. He had Remus in a chokehold, and Remus twisted, screaming in his ear. The other officer hit Remus with the back of his hand, and meant to continue; Remus kicked that man in the groin.

When both men lost their grip, Remus ran as fast as he could. Turning down a corner and running down a few blocks, he slowed to a walk in a quieter district. It was less crowded, but he could hear one close by. He found the source of the noise. It was a boardwalk, the area was lined up with families and tourists thronging through the novelty stores and sweet shops. The boardwalk spilled into a carnival. Remus looked at the bright whirling lights with longing. He had no money for rides.

He could hear the happy screams of passengers on the roller coasters, and it competed with the music blaring from loudspeakers. Despite the fact that he felt awful, he already felt a bit better. He enjoyed the smells of vendor food, and smiled when he watched the game stall venders haggle with customers for one more game of darts.

'Maybe if I ask nicely, they'll take me with them. I could learn how to throw darts.'

Remus smiled wistfully at the thought of being a carnie. It looked like so much fun, and the idea of traveling was appealing to him. Remus continued on walking, and he noticed that it was quite a large place. He could even see the pier that lead up to the marina and even to the docks that lead out to water.

The brine of the sea was enticing to him, and he was surprised that he could smell it. Remus coughed for a few moments before walking down the path that led to the docks. The wooden pathway creaked, and it complemented the waves hitting back. The boats swayed gently in the water, tethered liked horses and calm without their owners. The pier only went so far, with an odd indention on the far right hand side. It looked crooked, as if it was being deliberately hidden. Remus smiled at the idea that it could be a place to take someone to somewhere magical. He laughed at the thought.

Intrigued, he turned into the boarded in cove-like part of the docks. Remus walked to the far end of it, and he could see what looked like a ferry. It was brightly lit with a almost florescent glow. People milled about it, loading and unloading various items. Reus couldn't hear what was being said, but the buzz of conversation seemed pleasant enough.

He walked up to the men, watching them load things onto the boat. Since it was a ferry, it seemed large enough; a few people were milling about. Remus looked around until he spotted a large man who looked in charge. He was talking to a few workers, and he was wearing a smile. Remus took it as a good sign and walked up to him.

"Excuse me." Remus wished he didn't sound so hoarse.

"Ah, yes? Can I help you?" the man turned around to face Remus.

"Ah yes, can you tell me if you are taking passengers, and if so, where to?"

"Oh. The states, we're near Maryland ya know. Going to a little inland called Pine Arches. We're takin' passengers, an' its two hundred pounds for a ticket." he said.

"Oh, when are you leaving?"

"Bout' an hour."

"Thanks."

"Not a problem." the man smiled.

Remus turned away, walking back the way he came. Feeling anxious and disappointed, he went back to the carnival; he needed money for that ride, and money was something he didn't have. The sounds of the carnival sounded washed out to his ears, and the flashing lights were starting to painfully throb.

'Having no money means having to go back, and then I'll have to answer questions, and then it'll be more of the same-'

Remus stared at the flashing roller coaster lights, trying to burn the thoughts out with candy florescent lights. The cold air went through him, searing him. If someone knocked him to the ground, he felt like he would smash to pieces at the touch. He couldn't go back.

He walked against the crowed, feeling jumpy; he rubbed his arms rapidly for warmth. Remus walked by a vendor promising delicious sweets, and warm meats. He stood off to the side, staying out of the way for the customers in line. Hungry kids tugged on their parent's sleeves, and groups of teenagers chattered or watched the rides spin dizzily around while they waited. Remus shifted slightly, trying to get warm off the heat of the vendor cart.

One of the people inside the cart glared at him, and Remus quickly glanced down. He studied the ground, watching the hot food get frozen and the chunks of ice turn dirty. Then only thing that wasn't trash was the small leather brown wallet. Remus started; the wallet was lying helplessly on its side, half hidden by a Styrofoam cup. Nervously, Remus looked around, not knowing if he dared.

He bent down, his eyes wary. Trying to act nonchalant, Remus pretended to fix the laces on his trainers. His fingers brushed past the snow and the cracking cup, to grasp at his prize. He enclosed his fist around it, before pulling back up and putting it in his pocket. Remus walked quickly away.

When he felt safe enough, he pulled the wallet out of his pocket and flipped it open. Crisp notes nestled tightly together; there was enough for a ticket. Remus looked hurriedly about, and took another look at the carnival. His chest ached fiercely as he saw the bright lights, the wild music, the thick smells of warm food. He knew that he wasn't fitting right. Remus knew who'd enjoy this place, and they weren't here. No longer able to continue his train of thought, Remus wiped his eyes and set off for the docks.

He paid the man the money and boarded the ferry along with a woman and her children. He could hear the prattling of her children and Remus smiled slightly. His skin felt clammy and raw, chest aching and hollow and Remus wandered over to the railing and watched the water break against the boat.


	5. Time has come Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, and that's about it.

The waves overlapped one another and Remus put a hand through his greasy hair. The briny air settled into his bones, and Remus tried to take a steadying breath; he was panicking.

'Oh, I'm gonna get in sooo much trouble!'

'Your point is..?'

'I shouldn't even be doing this!'

'Why not?!'

'Well b-be-because, it would be bad-'

'Why-because you want everyone to-'

'No, its not that!'

'Then what would be-'

Remus shook the railing, letting the sound shake him out of his thoughts. He gritted his teeth and felt his stomach twist. The night air wasn't as refreshing as he thought it'd be. It felt oppressive, and the moon was no where in sight. That bothered him somehow. Instead of trying to look for the moon in the sky, Remus looked down at the water. The water was pushed effortlessly by the propellers; he was being pulled farther and father away…

Loud shouting took him away from his musings, and he looked for the source. It was the rowdy kids from earlier. Remus felt another odd pang as he watched their mother struggling to corral her hyperactive children.

Instead of sighing like he meant to, he coughed profusely. The action made him dizzy, and Remus swayed for a moment. He moved away from the railing and sat down on the stairs; the ferry had two levels, and the top had the lighter luggage, with the bottom deck held all the heavier objects, such as cars.

Remus could hear the other passengers moving about, and didn't make a move to join them. His body to heavy now to move too much. Remus closed his eyes, and hoped that he would sleep deeply.

+

The blaring sounds of cars in motion woke him up; the sun was peeking out of grey clouds. Remus rubbed his eyes, but still felt cruddy. His joints seemed rusted over, and he stretched despite his muscles protests. Remus staggered, and suddenly it was harder to breath standing up.

The ferry had docked already. Remus was just glad that the time passed so quickly and went by unnoticed. He walked shakily and slowly, trying to let his stomach settle. He tried to breath through his nose, which didn't work too well. His chest ached fiercely and he coughed so viciously that he almost became sick.

He smiled tightly at the mother with her children before he followed them onto the metal ramp that they used to disembark. The wind blew through Remus's hair as soon as he planted both feet onto the ground. He trembled and it wasn't just from the cold.

'What…was that?'

Remus walked away from the docks and found a beaten path. Sudden pains were shooting through his body, and the cold was not helping. There was no warmth for the early morning; no sun whatsoever. The path was crooked and nearly invisible against the snow and trees. Remus fought with the branches, his arms waving wildly against the black trees.

The snow was deep, and his weight was driving him deeper into it. He growled in frustration, and the pain worsened. Remus stumbled through the small woodland, and was relieved to hear the sounds of a road and the cars rumbling on it. He pressed forward, determined to make it to the roadside.

He tripped over a tree knot, feeling his entire body shudder and fall. Remus fell on his back, the searing cold went through him and competed for the small warmth he had left. His skin felt dirty and sour, and the cold wasn't a relief to his overheated body, but it was actually painful. He could feel the bitterness in his stomach; Remus rolled over and sicked up.

Remus used a tree branch to pull himself back up, and each breath seemed to burn his lungs like holy fire. He walked forward again, and found the road. The salt was scattered over the dirty pavement, and ice chucks bounced and skittered over the road. Cars passed by, slowing down at the caution sign.

Remus went over the guard rail, walking on the road. He continued this way until he saw a pick up pull up next to him. He turned to meet the gaze of a forty something man with a strong and grizzled build.

"Need a ride kid?" his voice was deep and gravelly.

"Please." Remus croaked.

The Man opened the passengers side with a fast click.

"Get in."

"Thanks."

Remus pulled the passenger door open weakly, and collapsed into the seat. He let the warm air blast him; Remus still shivered from the difference, but he didn't care.

"Where to?" the Man asked.

"Just to the nearest town please." Remus said.

The Man and Remus small talked for a while, with Remus replying in blurred tones. The Man launched into a story, and only smiled faintly when Remus fell asleep somewhere in the middle. Remus blearily woke up with his face pressed up against the glass, his breath made a foggy circle. He could make out a sign that read:

"Welcome to Riverview"

Remus didn't pay too much attention to it, and just watched the scenery pass him by. He was too tired to care where he was. The truck was pulling into a gas station. Remus turned to watched the man slide easily out of the car, and pump the gas. Remus ignored the smells petroleum and squinted away from the bright lights. Sounds were making his head spin, so he blocked them out as best he could.

"Hey kid, this a good place for you?"

Remus almost started; the man was waiting for him to leave.

"Yeah sure. Thanks." Remus hoped he sounded sincere.

"No problem." the man smiled.

Remus opened the door and walked off. The cold air dense around him, and he made sure not to get in front of any cars that were turning in and avoiding the slush that sprayed up. Remus stuck to the sidewalk, looking about for a place to rest. The asphalt was slick beneath his feet, and he wandered on.

It was getting harder and harder to walk, and Remus could no longer tell where one hurt began and where another ended. Every single ache, throb, and jab bled together until it was just one large attack.

Remus wandered off the sidewalk and into a parking lot; the cars looked like frozen monsters, just sleeping to pass the time until their masters came back. His heart thudded unhappily, and he continued on. Walking slowly even though he wanted to run. Despite looking at his surroundings with a detached curiosity, he couldn't quite bring himself to care.

'This isn't like you-you aren't yourself.'

'Tch-and just what is me?'

'Well you-'

'Why don't you just shut up.'

The thunder rolled overhead, as if it were in a hurry. Remus's feet crunched over broken glass and rumpled bags. He turned into an alleyway, and continued passed overflowing dumpsters and ripped chain link fences that guarded the messy yards behind them. He could hear cars driving by and the dirty snow clinging to the ground.

Remus turned into another parking lot; his feet had a mind on their own. This lot was smaller than the last, and only a few cars were parked here. The wind was picking up, the breeze blowing smells of urine, beer, and thrown out hamburger. The other scents competed with one another, making Remus's head clench. There was another scent that made the others fuzzy in comparison. It was vaguely familiar and some how appealing. He wasn't sure why it was that way, or why he just couldn't place it, but-he wanted to find out what it was.

Since Remus was near the back lot, he began to walk to the front; he could barely get there. He could vaguely make out music coming from the inside. Remus heard the front door open, and people walking out; a conversation was being had over the somewhat loud music.

He couldn't hear what they were saying-but that didn't matter-the scent hit him like a gunshot. It was so strong and wild, vicious and lush, completely overwhelming and there was more than one. Sweet and heady, rough and meaty, light and sharp. Remus was dizzy from the onslaught, but was strangely overjoyed to smell them.

He could see them now. A blonde flanked by three men. Their faces swam, and Remus gaped. They had seen him, and their conversation had stopped. It didn't matter-Remus couldn't anything anymore anyway. All his senses were slowly being sucked away by a vacuum. There was no more gravity, Remus could vaguely feel the ground and he tried to focus on the smell instead.

He felt surprise when a sudden pain came to his him and everything vanished.


	6. What the wind blows in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: brief non-romantic nudity and minor language.

Vivian Gandillon sat next to her wall with a brush in hand. A few jagged strokes were streaked along the wall; incomplete shapes raced along the still white spaces. Piles of sketches surrounded her still body. Despite the small chill in the air, Vivian didn't mind the cold. Looking down at a sketch for reference, Vivian mixed her paints before putting the brush to the wall again. Crisp strokes were perfect for the surroundings, but Vivian used jagged lines for the subjects within the surroundings.

Despite her concentration, she could her the front door slam perfectly well. Vivian growled in frustration; Esme' wasn't normally this loud, but then again, she hadn't been herself for a while…

Esme' wasn't the only one downstairs: she could hear the voices of Jean, Rudy and Bucky. Vivian set down her brush.

'Sweet Moon, what's all this noise for?'

Vivian opened her door and walked downstairs, about to investigate. It was in the kitchen. Her sharp words were going to go unsaid; the sight was completely unexpected. There, lying on the kitchen table was a boy. Surrounded by her mother, Rudy, Bucky, and Jean.

"Call Gabriel." Rudy told Esme'.

"Aunt Persia too?" she asked.

"Yeah. Perhaps Orlando as well."

Esme' nodded her head, reaching for the telephone. They hadn't noticed Vivian yet. She looked down at the figure.

He was her age, maybe younger. The dirty clothes he wore hugged his body unpleasantly; he was very frail looking. His eyes were shut tight, not loosening even when unconscious.

'He's in pain.' Vivian thought with a wince.

Vivian walked to get a closer look. He reeked of sickness, and Vivian's lip curled. His breathing was labored, and she gave a twitch of sympathy. For some reason, she felt compelled to touch him-give some sort of comfort. Her fingertips brushed his cheek; the boy was burning. He stirred briefly at the touch, and Vivian felt a thrill go through her.

'Sweet Moon, he's one of us!'

She couldn't smell it beneath the rest of the stench, but now she felt she should have noticed it sooner. He looked so weak, so defeated, and in such…pain. Vivian felt surge of protectiveness and odd indignation go through her.

'He is one of the Children of the Moon. One of my people. He shouldn't look so weak. Would he let himself become this way…or did someone do it to him. How dare they?! Ones such ourselves shouldn't be so weak-I'll teach those people a lesson!'

Vivian felt a little startled by the suddenness of feeling, but her pride wouldn't allow for one of her people to be put in this position, self inflicted or otherwise. Sympathy washed through her; did he feel caged up?

'He looks lonely.'

Vivian whimpered at the sight. He looked like a bedraggled puppy. She leaned close.

"Great Moon, what have they done to you?" she whispered, horrified and pained.

The four others looked up in surprise; they hadn't noticed her at all. Esme' had finished getting off the phone; only a few members needed to be called at the moment. Her mother put a hand on her shoulder, and pressed close briefly.

"Mom that boy-"

"I know hon."

"Its awful, what do you think happened to him?"

"I dunno babe." Esme' sounded just as sad as Vivian for a moment.

The door opened without preamble and in walked Gabriel, Aunt Persia, and old man Orlando. The three made their way to the kitchen table. Orlando and Aunt Persia began examining him, and the boy had only gave a few groans when prodded hard. Gabriel walked over to Esme' and Vivian. Vivian bristled when she smell his sharp, musky smell. It made her head spin, and she bit down a snarl.

"Where did you find him?" he asked Esme'.

"In the parking lot at Tooley's. He collapsed as soon as he saw us." she replied.

"We thought it be best to take him with us since he's our kind." Jean added.

"Yeah a hospital would have asked questions." Bucky pointed out.

"What's your take on this Gabriel?" Rudy asked.

Gabriel looked deep in thought for a moment, before looking up at the rest of them.

"Alright. For now we'll take care of him till' he gets back on his feet. When he wakes up, we'll explain how this pack works. Then the choice for him to stay or not is completely up to him."

Rudy nodded in approval. Aunt Persia grabbed a large bowl from a cabinet and filled it with water. In her calm rasp she gave instructions to everyone. Vivian grabbed a few trays of ice cubes, grateful that she filled them up before. Gabriel sided next to her, their elbows touching; Vivian tried not to bristle at the odd mix of unease and defiance. The two pulled necessary items out of cabinets in silence, listening to Aunt Persia speaking to Orlando.

Vivian handed a moist cloth to Aunt Persia, and watched as the wrinkled but deft hands gently wiped the sweat and grime from the boy's forehead. The boy barely stirred.

" Rudy could you bring me down a spare set of clothes?" she asked.

Rudy nodded in understanding and made room for Bucky who returned to the kitchen carry at least half the contents of Esme's medicine cabinet. Orlando was helping Jean remove the dirty clothes the boy was wearing. They peeled off like rotten banana skin, and when his bare chest was revealed, Vivian heard her mother's gasp. The boy had deep cuts all over him, and even Gabriel flinched at the sight of them.

Some of the wounds were deeper than others, and still looked raw and puckering. He tried to bandage them himself but had done a poor job. They peeled off with a disgusting sticky sound; some blood shined sickly, and emphasized the crusty edges of barely healed cuts. It looked like infections were starting in, and it smelled awful.

Bucky and Jean held the boy down; he was moving about unconsciously, and feebly protesting under Aunt Persia's ministrations. Esme' moved past her, and began busying herself with whatever Orlando was instructing her to. Vivian felt a tinge of sympathy for her mother's reaction but decided not to comment on it. Instead, she turned to look at Gabriel and was surprised at what she saw.

He was looking down at the boy with an expression she had never seen before. It was more than pity, but not just sadness at the boy's situation. His eyes looked softer than she had ever seen them before. His face never looked this expressive before. His mouth was set in a grim determined line, and he placed his large hands on the boys shoulders. Holding him in place better than the others had. The boy couldn't struggled beneath him, but his grip wasn't harsh and Vivian could have sworn she saw him gently massage the shoulders.

Gabriel looked up from the boy to look at Vivian. Their eyes met, and she felt a thrill go through her. He smiled tightly, and the moment passed quickly; Vivian was startled because she realized that she had no idea what he was thinking. Vivian quickly stuffed that train of thought to the back of her mind when she heard the boy groan in his sleep. His face look so pinched and wan, it looked like agony and Vivian felt her heart twist again.

Aunt Persia motioned Vivian over to her, and she hurried quietly over to her side.

"Here darling, press gently and then wipe downwards-like this." Aunt Persia demonstrated how to properly clean the cuts. Vivian tried to be as gentle as she could, and Aunt Persia smiled at her.

"Here, and you thread it like this." Aunt Persia handed her a needle and thread, showing Vivian the proper way to sew up the wounds.

Vivian didn't find it to be too hard, and she made tight weaves; the black thread contrasted violently with the boy's pale skin. Vivian turned to Aunt Persia, waiting for the old healer's approval. She was rewarded with a warm smile. Next, she was taught how to bandage the cuts up. The white of the bandages actually matched the boy's skin, and that thought made Vivian a little sick. When they were finished cleaning him up, Vivian reached for pile of Rudy's donated clothes.

Gabriel's hand reached the pile faster, and just barely brushed hers; she flinched at the contact. Any other time he would have given her grief over it, but no such expression was on his face at the moment.

"I'll do this." his voice told her that he wasn't going to explain himself.

"Fine." she quietly snapped.

She couldn't quite explain her irritation at the moment, but she put that aside to concentrate on the frail form on the table. Her heart was thudding rapidly and she wasn't sure why. She only knew she didn't want to see that boy in pain. She turned around when Gabriel gave her a look as he began to put the clean clothes Rudy offered. When he was finished, Vivian turned around to look at Gabriel.

Everyone look to each other, then to Gabriel. Vivian cleared her throat, breaking the awkward silence.

"I'll take him. He can sleep in my rooms." she declared.

"Viv-" Esme's tone was in warning.

"Please." Viv snorted. She knew exactly what her mother was implicating. "He can't do anything-besides I can handle him, however it goes." she finished, daring them to disagree with her.

She turned to face Gabriel, emphasizing her defiance.

'I'll be damned if he refuses this. That kid is gonna be taken care of. '

Gabriel silently regarded her for a moment, his expression unreadable and his blue eyes bored straight into hers. Vivian suppressed a shiver; she felt angry at herself for feeling the tremors fear go through her. Gabriel suddenly smiled, and Vivian felt that he was back to normal again, and she released a breath she didn't know she had been holding; she blushed at how audible it was.

"Of course." He smirked.

Vivian strode back over to the table, and tried to lift the boy up by herself.

"Um…so help here?" she asked, turning sheepishly over to Gabriel.

Together the two hoisted the boy off the table, and moved slowly so as not to hurt the boy. The two moved up the stairs in silence, and Gabriel fumbled with Vivian's closed door knob for a minute before he pushed the door open. He smirked when he saw her unmade bed, and Vivian dared him to comment with a glare. They gently set the boy down on her bed. Vivian tucked the boy beneath her covers, and she smiled when she saw him stir briefly.

Vivian had a feeling that the boy was ease now, and she nearly jumped out of her skin when she realized that Gabriel was leaning quite close to her. His eyes had that strange understanding in them that seemed out of place on his features. He looked like he was about to say something. His scent was thick and it suddenly overwhelmed her.

"Don't you have work to go to?" she accused, not liking the sudden heat in her face.

She practically growled as she watched his broad shoulders move, and finally felt at ease when he shut the door behind him.

+

The Boy had only stirred occasionally, his eyes half open and glazed. He never seemed to take notice of his surroundings, but he was slowly getting in better condition. This confused Vivian since it was common fact the their people healed quickly. She was becoming adept at changing bandages, and she was relived that he didn't smell as bad as he did before.

She spent her break looking after him, and she was secretly glad to have something to occupy her mind, and the Vivian could forget the fact that she didn't have any friends at school. It felt so awful to be so out of place, and she knew that wishing to fit in was probably a stupid idea, but she didn't care.

She sat in the chair, just watching the boy sleep.


	7. Homo Lupus…? Pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Now for those who don't know-Jo and Annette have a totally different take on werewolves'. So I'll be making compromises where I can, and in this chapter it is just touched upon-don't worry it'll be explained in more detail in a later chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

He felt surprisingly warm, and he felt unexpected pleasure at finding out that his chest didn't ache so fiercely, and he even felt lighter than he felt before. He knew his eyes were shut, and as he drifted closer to consciousness, Remus wished he could stay exactly in this moment for just a bit longer. He shifted to more comfortable position, and stretched briefly.

"So your awake?" a voice cut through.

Remus's eyes shot open. There above him, sitting next to him, peering over to get a better look at him. He could see her clearly. Thick and wild tawny colored hair framed a oval face with high cheek bones, and the untamed hair reached down to her elbows. Her skin was tanned and smooth, with lithe muscles subtly sheathed beneath the youthful flesh. She had a pert and pink mouth that was starting to curve in a smile-it was a nice smile. The eyes that glimmered with curiosity at the forefront-but Remus felt that they could be a deep as caverns. Except that the color wasn't dark, just deep and unusual. In fact, Remus found them to be very pretty. Green with speckled gold; Remus was under the impression that he was walking in a forest whenever he looked at them. He couldn't figure out what emotion was inside them, and he was surprised to find that he couldn't look at them at for long periods.

He was now aware of her scent-heady and sharp. Like prowling through a pine forest. It was almost rough but definitely female, and it suggested both defiance and affection. It made his head spin, and he suddenly felt intimidated and comforted at the same time. He was so confused and he wished he could speak. Remus blinked rapidly, finally aware that he was gaping.

"Hey there-bout' time you woke up." she said. A smile on her face.

"Is…this your bed?" Remus asked, suddenly feeling embarrassed about enjoying a bed that wasn't his.

"Yeah-"

"Oh I'm terribly sorry!" Remus tried to sit up.

A firm hand pushed his shoulder down; he was surprised at just how strong her grip was.

"You've been cut up pretty bad, you need to take it easy." She said, eyeing Remus over.

"Oh…right. Sorry" Remus suddenly remembered his fight with Fenrir, and suddenly wished for the wounds to be gone.

"Nothing to be sorry for I guess-I'm just surprised that you didn't heal faster-"she trailed off meaningfully.

"Ummm…" Remus flushed at her pointed stare. He had no idea why he was so flustered.

She blinked quickly, in what could have been embarrassment. "Oh right, sorry-it's okay you don't have to be so shy-I'm like you." She smiled reassuringly.

"Like…me?" Remus thought for a moment before-"you're a-"

"Yes. Wolf-kind." she smiled again and Remus didn't feel as tired as he did before.

'Oh she must mean a werewolf.' Remus thought, feeling a bit more at ease for some reason.

"How long have I been here?" he asked, his eyes taking in the room.

"Well you've been out for a couple of days-my mom and some others found you when you collapsed and brought you here. You've been cut up pretty bad, and we fixed you up." she explained, her eyes still curious.

"Oh…thank you so much." Remus felt unusually moved, and he was worried that he wasn't conveying his gratitude properly.

"No worries, your one of us, and we all gotta stick together right?" her voice held both amusement and reassurance.

"I…I see." for some reason, it didn't sound nearly as bad as when Greyback had said it.

"Who gave you those cuts?" she asked unexpectedly.

Remus started, and for one wild moment he thought she was reading his mind. Greyback flashed in his mind, hot breath and jagged claws coming into focus.

"A-another wolf-" Remus didn't understand why he felt uneasy for it.

"Why?" she looked shocked briefly, and Remus wondered what was going on in her mind.

"I think he wanted me to be a part of his…pack." he finished, unsure if that was the right word.

"Ah so he attacked you when you refused." she filled in the rest.

"Pretty much." Remus nodded eagerly, since it was pretty much the truth.

"I'm just surprised you haven't healed faster, since most of us usually do." her voice took on a more contemplative tone.

"A-ah." he really didn't know to reply, since he didn't know that so instead he tried to change the subject. "So you're the one who's been taking care of me?" he asked.

"Pretty much. Mom, Jean, and Bucky found you and me and some others patched you up. I've been taking care of you ever since."

"Oh thank you so much!" Remus exclaimed, and he was about to go on before he realized something-"If you've been changing my bandages then-" he suddenly blushed.

"Relax, nothing I haven't seen before." her tone was teasing. "Speaking of which, I should probably see how they're coming along-so if you don't mind."

"Oh, okay." Remus shrugged off the modesty-if she had seen it before, it should be no problem now.

Remus slowly sat up, relieved that he only felt slightly lightheaded from the action. It subsided after he stopped moving. Gingerly removing his shirt, he shifted slightly to make it easier for her to change and redress the bandages. He tried to suppress shivers when he felt her fingers gently graze his abdomen. She was deftly removing the slightly stained gauze from his body, and Remus was impressed with her ease. When she threw the soiled bandages in the trash and grabbed some ointment and began to dab it onto his cuts did she speak again.

"I'm guessing you've never had a pack before." her voice was soft, and she was staring intently at his cut riddled midsection.

"No…"Remus trailed off, and wondered if-They-counted. He winced. "The only other werewolf I knew besides me was the one that attacked me-" he didn't know why it was so important to tell her that.

"How awful!" she blurted out, her voice sad and shocked simultaneously.

Remus was startled by the amount of emotion in her voice. He didn't think she'd react like that. When she reapplied the bandages, and Remus put his shirt back on, he felt her put a slim hand on his forehead.

"Well, your fever's really come down now." she sounded slightly cheered by this.

Before Remus could reply, a voice wafted from downstairs. The girl stood up, and Remus could see more of her profile. She was slender and curvy at the same time, with a delicate waist and golden legs that could have been a mile long. Her muscles were slight but shifted gracefully beneath taunt skin, and Remus got the impression that she was very strong. She moved to the door, answering the voice that called up to her."I'll be right back." she made a move to continue into the hallway, but she stopped for a moment before continuing-"By the way, my name's Vivian."

She swiftly went downstairs.

+

When Vivian had returned she brought a young man with her. Remus propped himself up to show he was paying attention; for some reason this man gave off an air of someone who should be listened to. He was tall and muscular, but not in a bulky unpleasant way. His broad shoulders brushed the doorframe, and Remus nearly shuddered; this one had a very powerful build, and Remus knew he could do plenty of damage if provoked.

Even though it took him a moment to realize that the man was also werewolf, it was almost instinctual to know that he was a not someone to pick a fight with. He had blue eyes that seemed to absorb both light and information. Remus waited for the man to speak, watching him somewhat warily. Then, the man suddenly looked reassuring, his eyes didn't look as sharp anymore; Remus found himself relaxing.

"Hey-my name's Gabriel." His voice was a low masculine tone, but held something much more.

"Hello, my name is Remus Lupin. Pleased to meet you." he smiled.

Both Vivian and Gabriel looked somewhat startled at the formality of his words, but then smiled. Gabriel grabbed a chair next to the desk and sat it down next to the bed. Remus suppressed a shiver when his amber eyes met the intense gaze of Gabriel's blue ones. Vivian hung back, sitting on her desk and watched as Gabriel sat down and propped his arms onto the back of the chair.

Gabriel looked Remus up and down, still looking intimidating to Remus's eyes; he was large, even when sitting down and Remus had a brief horrible flash of Fenrir's face. Remus felt the color drain from his face, and he jumped when Gabriel shifted in his seat. The man looked startled, and slowly raised his hands.

"Woah…take it easy kid, were not gonna hurt ya. Don't worry-you're in good company." his tone of voice went softer.

"Oh…sorry about that, I didn't mean to do that." Remus quickly assured.

"Hey it's nothing to apologize for!" Gabriel looked surprised at the comment. "From what Vivian said, you've never seen another wolf before aside from the one that attacked you. So its only natural that'd you'd be jumpy. But don't worry-we mean you no harm."

"I see. I suppose I just overreacted, since you have taken care of me when there was no need to." Remus tried to reassure them that he was grateful.

"Well, we all have to look out for each other right?" Gabriel asked, and something in his tone made it sound like some form of a question.

"I see your point." Remus conceded. He was a werewolf just like him.

"Now do you have any place to go back to?" Gabriel asked, the question genuine.

Remus flinched.

'Do I? Is that why I left? Because I thought that I had no place to go?' that thought put a stone down his stomach. 'I think I've been gone for…a week? Who'd miss me? My parents…but anyone else?' he swallowed hard as at least four people's faces flashed in his mind. 'Do…they-does it matter?' Remus was surprised at the sudden prickling behind his eyes. 'How bout' we worry later shall we?' that train of thought hurt too much.

"I…uh. I kinda ran away from home." Remus's voice shook slightly. It was almost the truth, or at least part of it.

"And…" Gabriel prodded.

"And…I-I, I…uh-don't think I can go back." he couldn't understand why the room squeezed him so tightly.

"Well, why don't you just stay here till you figure things out?" Gabriel put a hand on Remus's shoulder.

The room went back to normal, and Remus could breathe again. He nodded quickly before realizing it hurt to move his head so vigorously.

"Well, if you are going to stay here then you'll have to live by our rules while you're here. Think you can deal with that?" Gabriel asked.

"Perfectly reasonable." Remus agreed, nodding his head softly.

"Well, now that that's settled, I have to get to work." Gabriel rose from his seat. "It was good to meet you." he made for the door. By the way, you are one lucky guy to have a nurse like her." Gabriel grinned even broader at seeing their red faces.

+

One of the things that Remus learned quickly, was that everyone there were in fact, muggles. Remus was surprised that he didn't find it hard to speak without censoring his conversations. Another thing he found out quickly was that it was a pack he was staying with. Vivian told him they were decently sized, even though Remus hadn't seen much of any other members other than Vivian, and occasionally Gabriel.

Remus spent his days in Vivian's room. He was still recovering, and still found it difficult to move around without assistance; he had confirmed that he had been gone for at least a week. His insides gave a guilty squirm as he realized that he was gone on Christmas. He wondered briefly how long he be gone, but he didn't dwell on this thought for long-whenever Vivian entered the room, the thought vanished.

"I feel bad for taking up so much of your time." Remus told her one morning.

"No worries, I've actually got very little to do." she replied. "Besides, your nice to take care of. A perfect little patient." she winked.

Remus just blushed and smiled. Since there wasn't much to do, the two of them talked. Mostly about any topic that came to mind. The first one was about Vivian's room. It was half painted, and Remus could see the beginnings of the portrait. It was wolves running, the large ethereal shapes weren't completely colored, or even drawn.

"So…what are you painting?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Its going to be a mural. Its our a people running together beneath a full moon." her voice took on a shining quality.

Remus blinked in surprise; they way she was looking at the half shapes of wolves was different from any expression Remus had seen before. He wondered at just how other werewolves looked; they couldn't all look like Greyback right?

"So…that's how…they…or we look like?" his voice was tentative.

"Wait-you've never-?!" her tone was incredulous.

"Well, I've never really looked myself over and the one that attacked me was the only one I'd ever seen before." he tried to justify his ignorance, strangely disliking the notion of her disfavor.

Vivian paused before answering, looking deep in thought. "Well we look like wolves except bigger. Our legs are longer, our ears are bigger, and were stronger than regular wolves. Wolf is really just a convenient term we use, since no other creature comes close to describing us properly."

"Oh." Remus felt like he was in a classroom again. "But how…uh…" he wasn't sure how to phrase his next question.

"How come your parents didn't teach you this?" Vivian's asked, mystified.

"But my parents aren't-aren't-" Remus hoped she'd cotton on; how could his parents be werewolves-they were never bitten-

Vivian briefly looked embarrassed.

"Right sorry-" She paused for a moment before continuing. "Well then I guess I'll fill you in on the legends that were passed down from generation to generation." Her tone went lower, into an almost mystical hum; Remus found himself entranced by the sound as he began to picture the scene Vivian was about to describe. " A long, long time ago, when man still believed in the great Gods and Goddesses, there were groups of humans who worshiped the Forest God and his consort the Moon Goddess. The great Forest God took the shape of a wolf, as he was the great hunter of the Earth. These humans were mostly hunters, those who lived near the wild and had to fend for themselves and their families, and their ardent devotion to the two of them pleased the Moon Goddess so much that she spoke to them and gave them the power to change. They could shed their skins to grow fur, abandon knives for fangs, and carry within themselves the beast. The embodiment of the Forest God, and become subjected to the Moon as was her mate. We still carry the beast within us, and so will our children, and theirs after."

Vivian took a breath before continuing.

"However, despite our gifts, we were warned by the Goddess to never prey upon humans. We were blessed by her, and in her words the Goddess said: "Use your eyes. Look at them and praise my name for changing you; kill them and kill yourselves." If any loups-garoux broke the ban on human flesh, she'd turn her light into deadly silver to pass judgment. Hunting wild prey by the laws of the Goddess, and carrying our double edge, but we have something humans do not: we are whole. Whole because we have the ability to change between man and beast."

Remus sat in stunned silence.

He marveled at the way Vivian had been speaking-it was in that near reverent way that let Remus know that she believed every word she said. It wasn't that Remus thought that her viewpoint was ridiculous, it was just that he had never heard anyone speak that way about werewolves before-it was never like this. Why hadn't he heard of this before? It was considered a blessing; it wasn't a horrific curse, but a gift from a pair of Gods?

"And…everyone believes it…?" he asked slowly, not wanting to offend her.

Vivian paused, carefully evaluating his expression; he didn't think she saw anything derisive in his face. Remus didn't think she looked angry, but her gaze was intense and he couldn't figure out what was inside her stare. He felt like there was some test he had to do well in or he wouldn't get the inside joke; it was getting overwhelming, and he felt his face heat up. Vivian grinned.

"Well there is a scientific version-" she began.

Remus waited for the impending its-actually-a-blood-saliva-infection-that's-gets-into-the-bloodstream-via-bite speech he heard the first time his parents had taken him to St. Mungo's for treatment. It was an incurable disease that was contagious only in one form.

"But some believed that we have evolved from some early mammal that had absorbed the protean from a fallen meteorite." she finished, with a slight eye roll.

Remus started; he hadn't been expecting that. Where was the standard infection line? The horror stories Wizards used to tell?

"You've never heard these before have you?" Vivian asked, a little less incredulous than before.

All Remus could do was shake his head dumbly. He was absolutely blown away to say the least. It was nothing he had ever know before. Packs existed; he had only read textbooks on lycanthropy from the Hogwarts Library and St. Mungo's prevention pamphlets. He still had the information for Support Services-it was hidden somewhere in his room, unused. He had even managed to get a hold of news clippings about Fenrir Greyback from the Daily Prophet. All the information was mostly half formed speculation and fear. Apparently Greyback did form some kind of 'pack'.

Here, nothing was said about that. Fenrir Greyback wasn't some scary half whispered name that people talked about in dim rooms about impending disasters. . Of course they were muggles, so that whole issue was void, but…where were the scars? The sickly appearance. Remus was told that was sometimes how someone could tell that a person was a werewolf-it happened because of the pain of transformation…

Remus looked Vivian over for scars, or some kind of bruising-anything really. Maybe the full moon wasn't near enough yet(Remus hadn't looked at a calendar yet) and that was why she didn't look sick? She didn't look sick at all, in fact she looked…

"Hey, just what are you staring at?" Vivian cried, half irked half teasing

Remus flushed and stammered out an apology, which made Vivian laugh and Remus was glad for a change in subject.

+

Many of their conversations were just about ordinary things. Mostly what they liked and didn't like, favorite music and what would be cool places to visit. Occasionally, Vivian would ask more about Remus directly, and he wasn't sure how much to reveal; the secrets of the wizarding world were supposed to be just that: a secret. That idea was so firmly ingrained in every child's head, that revealing said secret was unheard of.

Which was why Remus felt so reluctant to give details on his background. Eventually he caved-a little and told the edited version. He attended a boarding school in Europe, so yes he was British. He did in fact run away from home (pretty much the truth.),and no he had never known any other wolves. He wasn't quite willing to say why he had run away; he wasn't sure if lycanthropy was supposed to be a secret or not.

Eventually the subject would be diverted and the topic of conversation shifted to something more neutral.

+

Then Vivian's Christmas Break was over and she returned to school. Fr the most part, Remus had nothing to do as he was still bedridden, although he could almost move about freely. His cuts were healing nicely, and he managed to explore Vivian's somewhat large Victorian house. He learned that she lived with her mother Esme' and her uncle Rudy. Vivian had somewhat reluctantly and sadly(her mother had prodded her to)told Remus that her father had died in a fire.

He wondered just where the rest of the pack was. Vivian then explained they lived in separate homes in town, but this is where members usually met for important meetings. Remus was surprised at the fact that they had meetings, and wondered what other things packs did.

Vivian was slowly introducing Remus to the others in the pack, and they greeted him warmly enough. Remus was surprised that no one looked unhealthy, but relatively normal. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for to happen, but he was grateful that he wasn't shooed away. In fact Remus wanted to repay them somehow, and he had even asked Esme' if there was anything that she would like him to do.

She called him a sweet kid and told him if he really felt that way, she wouldn't stop him. So Remus began to walk Vivian to and from school. He shortly met a group of wolves called The Five. He felt just a little uneasy around them; it was just one number away from other famous pranksters, and Remus didn't know if he had enough of that. They didn't really pay to much attention to him, after initially meeting him. Remus suspected Vivian might have had something to do with it.

Remus walked around town, trying to find something to do. He decided to see if any of the other pack members needed any help with anything. Some indulged him, and Remus began doing chores or any assortment of odd jobs. Whenever they suggested getting a job, he told them he was fifteen.

So when Remus helped old man Orlando with his groceries, he wondered just what he was doing.


	8. Homo Lupus...? Pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay, does anybody remember in B&C that it was mentioned that Aunt Persia uses a Rider-Waite tarot deck? Now, I don't claim to have extensive knowledge of tarot reading-I looked up the meanings of the cards on Wikipedia and that's as far as the research goes. I won't go into details of the spread-I thought it would effect the flow of the chapter. Feel free to PM on the subject.
> 
> Enjoy!

For the past few days Remus had continued to try and help around the pack; he didn't know if he should stay or go. A slight nagging in the back of his mind reminded him of the time, reminding him of just what was waiting for him just beyond a ferry ride. Remus didn't exactly know what everyone was waiting for, and maybe it was for him to leave.

Remus felt the prickling of needles on his skin, and he looked down at his arms despite knowing that they would be bare. The cold January air still made him shiver and head for the indoors. He suddenly wanted to see Vivian.

A few days later Vivian, Rudy, and Esme' took Remus with them to the bar called Tooley's for a belated New Years celebration. Apparently a great deal of the pack was going to be there. Remus felt giddy; he was finally going to see a bit more of this pack life. Rudy drove them down there in his dusty pick up truck.

The two women sauntered into the bar as soon as they got to the place. Remus saw Rudy knowingly grin at the sway in both of their hips, and Remus felt his heart do a somersault. Tooley's was an average bar-smoky and tough. Remus eyed some bikers looking for trouble, and he turned to see a small group watching a football game from a beat up television set.

Rudy left the three when he spotted a few of his friends, and Vivian pulled Remus into a seat. Remus learned that Esme' worked here, and she chatted with a fellow waitress before she ordered food and drinks for the three of them. Vivian and Esme' exchanged amused glances, and Remus had a sneaking suspicion they were waiting for his reaction.

Although Remus had never been to places like these before, he certainly knew of their reputation, and he tried to look discreet as he took in his surroundings.

"So…do you come here often?" he asked the both of them.

The two glanced at each other before bursting out in laughter.

"Yeah, this is the place to be-its our biggest hangout-" Vivian explained, the lift of her lips was proud.

"I see." Remus kept looking around.

Their waitress returned, setting down the trays of steaming greasy burgers(they looked delicious to Remus)and when he met he gaze she winked at him. Remus felt his face heat up, and heard Esme' and Vivian's teasing laughter.

The bar got louder and rowdier as more members of the pack filtered in. Quite a few of them looked eager for the party to start. Many of them came up to the table to greet Esme' and Vivian, both of them were getting roving looks from the males, and a few hard smiles from the other women that accompanied them. Remus laughed nervously when he heard the wolf whistles directed their way, but Esme' and Vivian looked proud of the attention.

"Ummm…?" Remus wasn't sure how to say it.

"Well, Mom is now available after all this time. Now everyone wants a piece of her." Vivian smirked.

"So she's only recently able to be available?" Remus questioned.

"Well she's the widowed queen bitch." She explained.

"I…excuse me?" He felt thoroughly confused, and wondering why Vivian just insulted her mother.

"Well yes…my father was pack leader. Queen Bitch isn't an insult." She hurriedly explained.

"Oh." Remus oddly felt relived.

"It just means that she is the head female. She's the only one worthy enough to be the mate of the leader." Vivian continued.

"Oh I get it." Remus definitely felt relieved.

"Now don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Esme' cried in mock indignation.

The three laughed, and the conversation flowed like water. Soon enough, Tooley's was full up, and the sounds of the football game(and the crowd watching it) competed with the music that someone had turned up; the glass shook slightly from the excitement.

The smoke hung in the air, thick and heavy. Heavy pounding music thudded in time to Remus's heart, and he felt an easy-going and slightly rough feeling go through him; he was at the place to be, and it was going to be great. He was at the party-it felt great to be inside the average, slightly seedy(scratch that-it was seedy), rough and tumble hang out. It was like being with in In-Crowd-but much better.

He let the harsh, but mellow feeling permeate his pores. Remus could even feel himself start to sway to the screech of a chorus. He was sliding into the rhythm of the place, letting the scenery absorb him and his eyes traveled over to the pool table where a pair of bikers were playing a couple of wolf-kind.

He almost giggled at seeing bikers-he felt like a tourist trying to get a good picture of the Grand Canyon.

'I'm at a bar that has bikers-that's so…cool!' he thought to himself, knowing that some people would be envious of him.

"Oh look at him!" Esme' squealed, interrupting Remus's next thought.

He turned to see what Esme' was squealing over-it was Gabriel. The tall man had walked in. Almost sauntered, by the look of it. He was dressed casually, but his walk suggested an eagerness. He looked up for anything. Winking at the two of them-or maybe it was just one, Remus couldn't tell. Vivian flushed and scowled, but Esme' wriggled in her seat before turning back to the two with a Cheshire grin.

Vivian just rolled her eyes at her mother's antics, and Remus smiled at the pair. The noise got louder as a few more people rolled in. An attractive redhead strolled in, flanked by a few more males. Esme' growled at the sight, and Remus had to process for a minute before realizing that more werewolves had walked in the door.

The two females exchanged heated glares, and Vivian looked disapproving.

"That's Astrid." she explained, nodding her head in the direction of the buxom redhead.

Said redhead was walking over to Gabriel, a lethal sway in her hips. Remus moved his gaze back to Vivian, and noticed what the exact problem was. Esme' and Astrid were after the same man.

"Women are scary sometimes." Remus blurted out.

Vivian burst into laughter.

"Oh-I'm sorry I just-" he stammered.

Vivian just laughed even harder. Her laughter was suddenly cut off by even louder cursing. Startled, the two swiveled their chairs to see the source. The bikers he had previously seen playing pool were flexing the muscles dangerously to a irritated man with dishwater blonde hair.

"That's Lucien-Rafe's dad. What that idiot do to piss those guys off?" Vivian growled.

The man named Lucien looked like he was trying not to cringe, his eyes flashed with malice that was visible even at the distance Remus was at. The biker pair wore ripped clothes and identical feral grins. There was something about them that put a stone in Remus's stomach. He had an awful flash of bullies-of wide teeth, and both pale and dark hair. Both red and gold, and green and silver. He stood up so quickly his chair clattered on the floor.

He barely heard Vivian's confused and slightly alarmed shout of his name. He had no idea why was doing this; he strode up to the three of them, he steps going a little bit faster as he watched on biker raise his fist, the silver of his rings catching the light. Remus saw Lucien double over in pain when the beefy fist propelled itself into his stomach. He practically gasped when he heard Lucien's shout-he was almost standing next to him-Remus watched as Lucien lunged at the larger biker, and the two began to exchange blows. Remus just gaped; as Lucien landed in a hit, a cheer rose up. He turned around. The patrons of the bar had formed a rough semi-circle, and were cheering on the two fighters.

"WHOOO! SKULL! Kick his ass!" screamed the second biker.

Remus watched as the biker Skull kicked Lucien in the shins, and the man staggered, before throwing a punch. The cheers rose even higher, and the werewolf named…Bucky(Remus couldn't remember) was taunting the other biker. Remus could make out Rudy whispering to Gabriel and saw him incline his head, gesturing for Gabriel to look at something. Remus realized with a jolt, that that something was him. Remus turned around, before realizing he was also inside the circle.

He swallowed roughly before seeing there was no way out of the circle, he was trapped in the tight, rough press of the crowed. Someone was jostling him forward, and Remus turned his head his head in time to see Lucien get a bloody nose. His lip was swollen, and blood trickled down into his open mouth; his face was quickly starting to resemble a bruised fruit. Now Remus jerked out of his reverie, and tried to make his way forward.

The crowd was getting rowdy, but the they couldn't drowned out the sudden scream that pierced through the smoky air. Remus pushed people out of the way, reaching Lucien in time to have the man fall at Remus's feet. He was clutching at his nose and mouth, his pain filled screams muffled by his roughened hands. Skull was standing over Lucien, his ring gleaming ominous and red. Remus felt a shiver go through him, and he bent down to look at Lucien better.

"Lemme' see." Remus managed to pry Lucien's fingers away from his face. Remus felt like he missed a few steps on a stairway; Lucien's face had a huge mottled redness over his lips and nose. All the colors of the rainbow were beginning to reveal themselves on the lower half of the man's face. Remus felt his stomach drop as he saw Lucien grow pale and scared.

'What the hell is happening?' Remus thought as he tried not to panic.

Instead he turned to the other biker, and was faintly surprised to feel a surge of anger well up at the sight of the man.

"What'd you do to him?!" he shouted.

Skull just stared stupidly back, his mouth going up in down like a fish out of water. Lucien groaned behind him. Remus quickly stood back up, and he was vaguely aware of someone coming up behind him.

"What is your problem?!" Remus shouted at the biker, getting close enough to hit him. Instead of doing that, Remus just felt like shouting some more; he noticed that the biker had grey eyes. That just made Remus angrier-

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size!" he yelled somewhat childishly.

Skull grinned viscously. "Okay."

Remus didn't see the punch, but felt it. Lights sparked to life before his eyes as he doubled over, and he felt the iron of Skull's muscles slam into his stomach; Remus retched. Staggering back, he tried not to fall as he made a move to put himself in front of Lucien. He ignored the roars of the crowd, and he dizzily watched Skull raise his fist again.

The blow didn't come. Remus blinked rapidly before realizing what had happened. He could see the broad shoulders of Gabriel. He stared in shock. Gabriel had blocked the blow, his hand firmly holding back Skull's fist. Gabriel's entire frame was rigid, and he was dangerously still, his hand slowly curling over Skull's fist. His stance was wide, and Remus could have sworn he smelled thunder. The man's eyes were hard and fierce as he curled his fingers and made his own fist, before he started to pull Skulls fist back over the biker's tattoo laden wrist.

Remus could hear the skin straining, and he realized it was Skull's as his hands was slowly being bent backwards. The biker was cussing loudly.

"I'm taller than you. Maybe I'm a better match wouldn't you say?" Gabriel growled.

"Hey! What the fuck is going on here?!" yelled a new voice. It was Tooley.

The circle broke apart, and Remus saw Bucky and Rudy haul Lucien to his feet. Remus turned his attention back to Gabriel as he heard the man start to speak again.

"Just teaching him some manners." Gabriel said lightly "Its rude to smack around someone smaller than you." he gestured to Remus, who hastily stood up.

"I'm good." he said, proud that his voice didn't shake.

Tooley was speaking again, but Remus didn't pay attention; Rudy was straightening the mess out. Lucien was being supported by two other men, and the others began filing out, with only a few staying behind to keep up with the night. Gabriel grabbed Remus by the shoulders.

"You good?" his voice was softer than before.

"Yeah-that probably wasn't a good idea." Remus replied, thinking he was about to be scolded.

"Yeah think?" Gabriel teased.

Remus looked sharply up at him, sheepish and slightly defiant. "What was I suppose to do? Let him get beat up?"

Gabriel sobered., regarding Remus with odd look. "True enough-that was either really brave or really stupid-" he made to continue, but Remus cut him off.

"And what the hell just happened to Lucien's face?!"

"Silver poisoning. At least I'm pretty sure that it was." Gabriel replied, still looking as if he was about to say more. "Are you sure your alright?" he asked again.

"Yeah-why do you ask?"

Gabriel continued to look at him with an inscrutable expression before he releasing his grip on Remus. He shivered at the sudden loss of heat.

"No special reason. Later." Gabriel walked off.

For the next few days Remus didn't much of Gabriel, and he learned from Rudy that Lucien had been taken care of by Aunt Persia; the poisoning had been mild and would do nothing but leave a scar. Remus had a feeling that was the end of that, but one morning when the four of them sat down for breakfast, Gabriel had appeared and stated that would like to speak to Vivian. She was surprised, and the two disappeared up to her room for a few moments, before they reappeared.

Then to Remus's intense surprise Gabriel spoke to him.

"I'd like you to meet Aunt Persia. I'll pick you up as soon as I get off work today."

He then left without a word. Remus had been on pins and needles ever since. Vivian hadn't said a single word on the subject, and the two walked to her school in silence. Remus returned to the house, and ran a couple of errands for Esme' and anxiously glanced at the clock every once a while.

He never felt this anxious unless it was for exams. When the sound of Gabriel's car pulled into the driveway, Remus leapt to his feet. Gabriel just barely walked into the door before Remus rushed down to meet him, Vivian closely following behind him. Gabriel only looked mildly surprised that Vivian had returned so soon, and readily agreed when she demanded to be taken along with them.

Gabriel chuckled when he watched Vivian and Remus scramble into his car, and he deliberately slowed his pace. Remus tapped his foot quickly, earning another soft laugh from the man. Remus sat in the back seat with Vivian next to him, and he was painfully aware of their close proximity, and Gabriel's eyes in the rear view mirror. The drive was quiet, the radio playing softly; Aunt Persia lived on the edge of the city, near a park, and a sleepy half heartedly built suburb.

Gabriel pulled into the dusty drive, and the three quickly got out. In the front was a neatly kept yard, with a few bushes that probably had roses blooming over them in the warmer months. Gabriel led them past the front yard, instead opening the fence that was by the side of the house, and Remus realized they were being led into the back yard. He could see it had a porch with a lounge swing.

Sitting calmly in the lounge swing was an old woman. It was Aunt Persia. Remus simply knew it was her. She was sitting calmly waiting for them, and her weathered hands were resting in her lap. Her skirts were long and looked thick. She had a shawl peeking out from the thick blanket she had wrapped herself in. Remus could see pieces of jewelry flash, and he thought it might have been turquoise. Her hair was thick and white, and carefully braided. There were many lines in her faces, making soft grooves, subtle shadows creating depth. It wasn't that she looked unpleasant. Rather, it was like a map; each line traced a path of hard earned wisdom. Maybe it was like a tree, with a sturdy truck and gnarled branches. Despite her age, Remus had the impression that she was not someone to be crossed. He caught a faint trace of her scent; it was soft and deep, with some sort of underlying sharpness. She was certainly powerful; Remus felt a thrill go through him.

"Come closer young man, let's have a look at you." she beckoned him a thin finger.

Remus softy went forward.

"Relax, I won't bite." she smiled. "Sit"

Remus was surprised when she was able to move a small table in front of her, and Remus quickly grabbed a chair before sitting down in it. He could feel her stare, as he sat down, and he smiled whenever their eyes met.

"I take it your healing rather nicely." she didn't question.

"Yes, Vivian was very helpful." Remus didn't really know what to say.

"Yes, no doubt she was an excellent nursemaid." it sounded like she might have been joking.

"Y-yes." Remus could feel his face heat up.

"Don't worry-we mean you no harm." she chided gently.

"I know! I mean, I'm sorry-it's just-" he didn't know-

"Your ignorance is forgiven-I've been told that you've never encountered wolf kind before now." her voice soft and gravelly at the same time.

"A-ah." Remus nodded.

"Now then-" her voice became brisk, "Vivian, my darling could you please hand my deck to me?"

"Sure." Vivian went inside to grab said deck.

"Tell me what you do know." her voice sounding professional

"Ah, well…" Remus stuttered.

'Just what is right? Who is-wizards or these guys?

He decided to go with what he knew.

"Well first, you don't tell anyone about being a werewolf."

Aunt Persia nodded, her eyes sharp as she shuffled her deck.

"It's a blood-saliva infection that is contagious and transmitted by biting. Transformations dangerous and are greatly feared." Remus recited, trying not to feel nervous at the stares he was receiving.

"Only partially correct. It is rare to receive the double edge in such a way. We have had it passed down from our parents, and theirs before them. We are at times vicious, and others, gentle. Tell me, does the change pain you?"

"Yes." Remus thought that was a given.

"I see." she paused for a moment. "I have heard of some our kind feeling pain when they change. In my experience it was because they disliked their nature and tried to suppress it. I take it your parents have not told you this?"

"Ah no."

"Wait-I thought it was because they died." Vivian cut in.

"No, where did you get the idea?" Remus asked, utterly perplexed.

"Because well…you never heard any of this before, and you didn't really-never mind, I guess I just assumed." Vivian sounded flustered.

"My parents aren't werewolves." Remus supplied.

"Wait-how can that be?!" Vivian asked, surprised.

"Well they weren't bitten-" Remus cut himself off, turning to Aunt Persia for assistance.

"A union between human and wolf-kind does not bear fruit." She intoned.

"So either your parents weren't your real parents, or you're a living legend." Vivian supplied.

Remus shifted in his seat, trying to absorb the information. This was so different.

"Well, since he's wolf it probably doesn't matter how anyway." Gabriel interrupted with a sly grin.

"True enough." Aunt Persia agreed, a slight smile on her face. "Although, take heed: nothing good comes of suppressing one nature. That is where your pain comes from." her voice grave.

"I see." Remus felt his head spin.

"Side's we-can teach you-" Vivian added, her tone hopeful.

"Thanks." Remus smiled at her.

"So, what did you call us here for?" Gabriel asked.

"Ah yes." Aunt Persia had stopped shuffling her deck, and was spreading the cards down on the table in an unusual manner. "Draw your attention here." she said to Remus.

She flipped the cards over, and Remus realized they were tarot cards. Their pictures were intricate and the cards themselves looked slightly worn. He tried to read the words printed on some, but she called out the names of the cards.

"Page of wands." she called, her voice low.

"Knight of wands." the card was revered; Remus stared at the upside down image of a knight on a rearing horse.

"Judgment." she declared; Remus stared at the picture of an angel playing an instrument over a crowed of people.

"Six of cups." Aunt Persia glanced thoughtfully at the next card.

"The Moon." Remus's eyes widened at the name, but Aunt Persia continued on.

"Three of Swords." she frowned at the card.

"The Hierophant." her eyes narrowed, looking deep in thought.

"Followed by the Ten of Swords." Remus thought she looked pityingly at him.

"Five of Coins." Remus thought this card didn't look as ominous or as thrilling as the previous two.

"Strength." Remus stared at the card-it depicted a woman with her hand on top of a lion's jaws.

"Six of Swords." her voice hopeful.

Remus looked at the cards spread out between them, and he watched her find the meanings from the cards spread out before her. She muttered underneath her breath occasionally, and Remus fidgeted as he waited for explanation.

"Not particularly pleasant, however not disheartening. You'll have a hard time of it, but that's the only way to get through it."

"Oh." Remus couldn't think of anything else to say, and Aunt Persia seemed to be finished.

"Most illuminating-I'd like to see you again." Aunt Persia replied, not seeming to take no for an answer.

"Yeah sure, that'd be fine."

"Pleasant to meet you."

"Same here." Remus rose somewhat shakily to his feet.

He trailed behind Gabriel and Vivian as the three made their way back to the car.

When he woke up, he knew that it was going to be a full moon. He had that feeling-the kind someone could get when they just knew they were sick, and Remus felt this was no exception. It had been a few days since his meeting with Aunt Persia, and what she said to him weighed heavily on his mind.

He had no idea who to believe. What wizards said made sense-but they weren't wolves. It was so odd; he wondered not for the first time why he had never heard of all this before. Did wizards keep this information to themselves, or did they not know about it?

He felt strange. It was painful per se. The usual shivering, camping feeling he knew belonged to the transformation was there, but there was more to it now. A shiver of…excitement? It reminded him of the time he went to a muggle amusement park and he was in the front seat of a roller coaster. A bubbling cramp was coiling in his stomach and settling. He couldn't relax; it wasn't particularly painful, but he just couldn't get calm. There was some sort of frustration-something that was a different flavor of what he usually felt- something that had to get out of himself. He felt he'd burst, and if he didn't it would then become painful.

When Remus and Vivian walked down to her school, she was excited. She had a sway and a bounce in her walk, making her both playful and sultry. She had a sudden aura of something Remus found himself liking, even if he couldn't figure out what it was. He walked back alone, suddenly wishing she was walking back with him.

He walked around for a few hours, only returning back to the house, and was unable to stand still. He waited for Esme' to get off work, and for the others, and by the time the afternoon rolled around, the parlor filled up. The Five came howling in, trailing after a slightly annoyed Vivian. Rudy appeared soon after, stating he would drive and he waited for Esme' to change out of her work clothes.

Remus wondered just what was going on.

"So what's happening?" he asked Vivian.

"Well since tonight's the full moon, we're all gonna drive down to the state park." she replied. "Did you think we'd stay in town?" she asked, her voice teasing.

"A little bit, yeah." Remus felt sheepish.

"Well don't worry, we won't-it draw too much attention if we did." she looked reassuring to him.

"Oh Good." Reus was relieved.

Esme' sauntered downstairs and pretended to be indignant when the Five made catcalls. Everyone went outside, Rudy started the truck as Esme' sidled into the passenger seat. Remus let Vivian into the backseat before he went in himself, shutting the door behind him. The truck buckled suddenly as the Five jumped into the truck bed, whooping and hollering. Remus couldn't help but laugh.

The radio was playing, and everyone was in such high spirits, that Esme and Vivian even sang along to the songs. The Five howled in synch, and Rudy laughed uproariously; Remus couldn't help but feel good. The sun was going down, and Remus had to shield his eyes. He turned to look at his companions; none of them looked unhealthy with the coming of the full moon, in fact they look enlivened. Vivian looked like a piece of gold.

Rudy parked the car on the side of an off road, and everyone clambered out. Remus watched as everyone more or less fell quiet. The energy was still there, but seemed more tense. The group walked on, and it seemed to be quite a walk to Remus. The dying sunlight was glimmering on their skin, and they brushed past tree branches, and felt the air get colder. They only stopped when they came to a fence. Remus watched as the Five scaled it, and jeered at the easiness of it.

Esme' and Rudy playfully raced each other up it, and Vivian reached the fence with a deliberate slowness. Remus silently thanked her for showing him how, as he grabbed the thick mesh. Vivian was somewhat higher up than him; he rolled his eyes when the rowdy boys made obvious attempts to feel her up. When the two jumped down, the boys cheered, racing around Vivian. The group then made their way up a hill, Rafe in the lead of the boys, with Esme' and Rudy talking. Remus had a feeling Vivian was slowing her pace to stay with him.

The trek was somehow tiring, the cramping was getting stronger; Remus didn't know what to call it. They reached the top the hill, and saw more of the pack gathered there, all of them were in different states of undress. As soon as the two stopped moving, Vivian kicked off her shoes: Remus started-Vivian began to undress.

He knew why she was doing it, just wondered why it was in front of him. Swallowing down the heat that suddenly appeared, Remus began to undress too. Remus instead walked the other pack members. Esme' walked over to her friend Renata, the Five were racing around each other play fighting, Gabriel was laughing with Bucky, Jena, and a few others. He could make out Aunt Persia sitting expectantly.

Remus could feel the coil inside of him wind tighter, making him squirm and shake. He could see others in a similar state, the air vibrated; the sun was merely a sliver on the horizon, and some members were shifting as the light faded even faster. Suddenly, everyone pressed close; Remus could feel the shifting of skin to fur brushing his body-he felt his insides tumble around in thrall at the feeling. The beginning of the change was starting; Remus could feel his teeth chattering, and he could get a hold of himself. The sensations overwhelmed, and he felt himself freeze on the outside. He had to get back control, or else he'd explode-the coil was clenching inside his rapid fire muscles. Remus nearly cried out in fear-this never happened to him before.

The others were mostly furred and on all fours; Remus suddenly wanted to be next to them; he shivered in his skin. A sudden pain made him gasp and double over. He could feel himself shake. He didn't want the feeling to stop, but he could sort himself out, and the world spun so strangely.

"Easy there." said a soothing baritone. It was Gabriel.

"I got this." snapped Vivian.

Remus could still tell that Gabriel hadn't made a move, and he heard Vivian huff. He could feel the two were massaging his muscles. Vivian's fingers were working their way around his scalp, her claws brushed through his fingers and around his neck; he shivered deliciously. Gabriel's large hands rubbed his shoulders and back.

"Easy there, kid. Just take it slow."

"Just keep calm and change slowly."

"Your body is confused, it doesn't know which form to settle on."

"Just let it do what its supposed to, and change slowly."

"Its all right, you'll be just fine."

Gabriel and Vivian soothed the doubled over Remus. Suddenly, a howl was loosed, and many joined in; Remus felt a thrill erupt his quivering system. It sounded like a chorus, a high, moon-fed unity, and Remus longed to be a part of it. His skin felt lonely and cold, and he could actually feel the moon on his bare back. His form didn't feel right, and he couldn't stand to be in it. Something deep inside urged him on-deepness engulfed him, and something so basic he yearned for it.

The chorus was ancient and wrapped together around the moon, reaching and breaking like waves to the very center of his being. It reached his peak, and he trembled. Muscles strained, and he felt it all reassemble. A wonderful delight-now his body trembled pleasurably, and the song reached to the moon; the coil inside him snapped, and he joined in the chorus. Two other voices beside him joined in. A deep, frothing purr. Soothing and vicious at the same time. The other was higher, and more sensual with a crescendo of emotion behind it.

Remus stood on his four legs, looking at Gabriel and Vivian beside him. Gabriel was large, with dark midnight fur. His blue eyes stared back at Remus, amusement and praise held inside them. Remus felt his tail wag. He turned to Vivian; he yelped in surprise. She was beautiful. Pelt the color of dried fire, she had red-brown that had a much pretty name to it. He could even see soft grey tones beneath the moonlight she was bathed under, she almost glowed.

She turned to him, and yipped happily. Her eyes were forests. She plunged before leading a charge to join the rest of the racing pack. Remus ran happily after her, and the three joined into the fray. Remus felt the pelt on pelt as the entire packed ran close together. They ran far, before members gradually broke away. Remus chased after Vivian, as she and the Five raced away from the pack, howling madly. They became a writhing mess, as they raced through the woods; Remus felt as though a curtain had been pulled back, and he was finally seeing clearly. His senses no longer dulled, but sharpened to a fine edge.

He could smell their scents so clear cut and different. Everything was new. Sharp and deep, the smells so rich and inviting. Remus heard the growling of hunting and fighting, it gave him a heady spin and now the overwhelming sensations were welcome.

New scents emerged, and he knew it was prey. With a wild keen, he gave chase. He heard Vivian and the boys surprised cries, before they followed him. The forest raced beneath him, the soil flying beneath his paws, and the branches whipped around him. The moon was bearing down from overhead, illuminating his path. He led the chase, enjoying the delicious straining of his muscles and the feel of the other's pelts beside him.


	9. Big fanged High roller

The days passed without incident; the nagging voice in the back of Remus's head was fading. The thought of going back-the sharp reminder, was only coming back at longer and longer intervals. The thought would come back, then someone would come by, and the thought vanished again, resurfacing hours later.

It went on this way for a while, but there was always something happening. The daily life of the pack fascinated Remus; he constantly went places with them. He met almost every single member, and tried to help around as often as he could.

The ones he spent the most time with, however, were Vivian and the Five. Along with Gabriel and his friends. Remus was being taught wolf-nature "wolf stuff", from them all. Gabriel often took Remus to see Aunt Persia(some times old Orlando was there), and more often then not, Vivian accompanied them.

Remus had taken to walking Vivian to and from school, and then managed to spend time with the Five. He could see why Vivian was wary of them; they were trouble. He could see some resemblance to certain people-but that thought was quickly stamped out whenever it came up. He felt like they tolerated his presence, but perhaps he won at least a grudging respect: he didn't panic when they taught him how to drive.

He liked spending time with Gabriel-the older man treated him kindly, and seemed to enjoy teaching him. Others seemed to either look up to him, and he was slowing thawing Remus with his actions. He was often called kid, which didn't bother him in the slightest; Remus had a sneaking suspicion that Gabriel was the one who started that.

As the days grew longer and warmer, transformations were surprisingly, less painful. Pack members were becoming friends, and the daily rituals became somewhat comforting. Remus was almost surprised to note that this was the most content he had ever felt.


	10. Burning moon, Flowing pelt

In the warm night, the parlor room was full and the noise was rising. Remus shifted in his seat as he watched his surroundings. Pack members were noisily packed into the small room. Rudy was calling for order above the noise; as rowdy as it was, Remus was excited. He'd finally get to see a bit more of the pack life.

Remus could see Vivian slouch down next to her mother, who was waging a silent war with Astrid over Gabriel's attention. Remus gave a sympathetic smile to Vivian when their eyes met; he could see her embarrassment. He turned his gaze to the Five, who were being the loudest. Remus didn't bother to continue looking at them, so instead he turned his gaze to Gabriel who was speaking to his rowdy younger triplet sisters. The air was tense, and Remus wasn't quite sure why; the meeting hadn't started yet.

"Alright-let's get started." Rudy called out. "We've got the money to settle all of our affairs. I've talked to my real estate agent about a few properties that fit our needs."

"So, we're going to choose where we're going to live." stated old man Orlando.

"And who will lead us." finished Gabriel.

The noise dull down to a whispered buzz of small conversation. Now the air was holding another tenseness . All heads turned in Rudy's direction. Confused, Remus moved from his seat, letting another member slip into it and he scooted close to Vivian.

"Wait, where are we going?" Remus asked her, confused.

"We aren't going to stay here forever. This city isn't safe for us, and too near humans." Vivian whispered back. "Accidents happen. On both parts. It's too dangerous to be here." she informed him.

"Oh. So where would we be safest?" asked Remus, a little perturbed and genuinely curious.

"The country. Somewhere far away-where humans are far apart, and the pack is close. The hunting was good, and we never have to hide. No humans to cry wolf, and we were never alone." the wistfulness of her voice made Remus feel lonely somehow.

"Did you ever have that?" Remus asked, somehow afraid of her answer.

"Yes." Vivian's voice was soft. "How bout' you, did you have that?"

"No." that realization left a hole inside Remus.

"Then come with us." Vivian urged.

"Ah-" Remus didn't know what to say; the room seemed to yank out from under him.

"Do you have anywhere else to go?" Vivian countered, a true questioning in her tone.

Before he could answer, Rudy shouted.

"Everyone quiet!"

The noise just got louder. The argument the pair of them had ignored, now reached a crescendo; Vivian winced, and Remus wished he could put his hands over his ears.

Gabriel jumped onto a table.

"Quiet!"

The room froze. All eyes turned to him.

"We can't stay here-there are more of them than there are of us, and we're in danger here. We have to leave."

"You lead us." Orlando directed at Rudy. "You're the reason we've succeeded so far."

"No. Leadership isn't meant for me. I can think of someone else better suited." Rudy replied.

"Gabriel." Astrid crooned. "He is exactly what we need. Big and strong."

"I bet you'd know all about that." Esme' snapped at the redhead.

"Now, all we need to do is figure out who to lead us." Gabriel interrupted.

At once, the group started yelling out. Males stood up, each one ready to claim authority. Aunt Persia stood.

"Enough." her soft voice rang out with certainty. "If matters of leadership cannot be talked over, the right must be won in combat. This shall be done in the Old Way." her tone made it known that this was final.

"Alright then. We'll set up a time for an Ordeal, and then it'll be settled at a later date." Gabriel concluded.

Pack members filtered out, some shaking Rudy's hand as they left. Remus turned to ask Vivian more about what just happened, but she wasn't there. He looked around to see who else was still in the house. Only Gabriel, Orlando, and Persia remained(not including the residents of the house.).

"So what is the Old Way?" Remus asked to no one in particular.

"Whenever someone challenges a leader for the leadership to a pack it is a fight to the death." Gabriel explained. "The victor leads the pack. If a leader dies of natural causes, and there is no agreement between who will lead, an Ordeal is called." he continued on, " An Ordeal is when all eligible, willing males can participate. It is a fight, it's object is to wound without being wounded. If a wolf refuses to yield, then it becomes a fight to the death. It requires speed, precision and strength. it's the strongest, fastest, and the most cunning. Even the most devious are sometimes the winner."

"Oh." Remus felt a thrill go through him, unable to explain his sudden shivering.

"But don't get a swelled head." Rudy teased. "Only those twenty one and older can participate.

"Don't worry-I don't intend to." Remus assured, not interested in fighting.

"Well, you should still come down to see the show." Gabriel winked at Remus.

"Well Gabriel we hope to see you there." Esme''s voice dropped into a husky purr.

Gabriel just grinned as he walked out of the door. Vivian appeared; Gabriel moved in front of her, and he watched her bristle before moving past her. Remus could have sworn her heard her growl.

Remus was confused; he had seen a change come over Vivian. She had been going out more, and he heard her and Esme' arguing often. Of course, Remus didn't have to wonder long. Vivian had quickly grabbed Remus aside when he came to walk her back from school.

A boy named Aiden Teague had entered into her sphere. Her golden eyes glowed whenever she spoke of him. She went out often, her clothes tight and soft; her hair was wild and long, and Remus wondered what this Aiden thought of her. Remus wondered how long it was going to last. He honestly didn't know what to make of it. He was glad for her, but he didn't quite understand why he felt a slight disappointment.

Vivian had then done something surprising-she had begun to confide in Remus about her relationship with Aiden. It was done in a way that made Remus realize that she wasn't used to doing things like that. Her voice was hesitant and soft; at first she didn't give many details. Remus could still hear the lonely, little girl in her voice. He let her do the talking, and then it became easier; her words became freer and her eyes would spark-the gold became brighter.

He liked the way she spoke. With a soft but rough voice, and with heady passion in her tones. It was a person with a wildness about them; someone who wasn't completely soft and fluffy. At the same time, something so different, that Remus was intrigued. He liked the way she spoke, and the way her eyes would spark and glow. It was mostly because of Aiden. Which was why Remus was beginning to like the sound of this Aiden.

She was starting to spend more time with him (She even made plans for the weekend.), and Remus noticed the tension between her and Esme'. It was because Aiden was not wolf-kind; Remus was secretly rooting for the two of them.

Remus had gotten downstairs earlier than Vivian did, and he poured himself a glass of orange juice. Esme' was already up, and making herself breakfast. Rudy mulled over a cup of coffee, as he listened to someone on their beat up cordless phone. Esme' looked over at Remus and winked at him.

"Mornin' kiddo."

"Good Morning." Remus smiled back.

Rudy nodded in Remus's direction, and only glanced up when a creaking stair announced Vivian's appearance. Vivian snatched up a cup of coffee, and watched Rudy converse and raised an eyebrow in a question as he put the phone down.

"Well that was Orlando. It looks like the Ordeal is on. Although, we have to wait a full month to let others outside the pack time to participate. So the Ordeal is going to take place on July thirteenth."

"Oh, well that isn't too long." Esme' replied. "Then this place will be behind us. Well, I gotta get to work." She stood up, blowing a kiss to Vivian.

"Well, better get to it. See you two later." Rudy stood up to leave too.

Remus and Vivian sat in comfortable silence, enjoying the stillness; the two wouldn't leave for school just yet.

"Hey-wait a second." Remus suddenly said.

"Huh-what is it?" Vivian asked.

"If your mom is leaving for work in the morning then tonight-"

"Is full moon." Vivian finished.

"So your date with Aiden-"

"Oh crap." she groaned.

The night air was warm and sweet, and sounds of raucous howling drowned out the budding cicadas' cries. As Remus ambled beside the vicious Five, he let himself smile as he felt the tiny bubbles of excitement well up; he had never felt excitement at the coming of a full moon before.

The Five surrounded him with their harsh scents as they gathered together beneath Vivian's window. Remus howled up a greeting, and Vivian pushed her head out.

"Come with us Viv!" yelled Gregory.

"This'll be great!" Rafe shouted up.

The choruses of shouts just made Vivian roll her eyes. Remus hoped she'd come with them. He smiled up at her. Remus felt like howling when she smiled back.

"Not tonight guys." she called back.

"C'mon on!" groaned Finn.

"Please Vivvi-hunting isn't the same without you." Willem protested quietly.

"Another time Will." came the soft reply.

"Whatever. If she wants to be a bitch- fine." Rafe snapped. "Let's get outta here."

"Just remember not to play with your food!" Gregory called.

Remus gave an apologetic glance at Vivian.

"Try to enjoy yourself okay?" he called up, looking hopeful.

"You too." she replied, her eyes wistful and bright.

Remus gave her another quick smile before running to catch up with the Five. He let the wind blow scents to him as he ran to catch up.

The park was quiet, except for the buzz of the wolf-pack. The air held an excited tension, the males loomed; Remus bit back a laugh at the almost theatrical way that the males flexed slick muscles.

The moonlight gleamed off of their bodies as clothes fell into piles, and Remus could feel the dark bark brush up against his skin. He turned to look at the Five, with a tussling, and the scents of heady violence made Remus's head swim. He could feel the trembling of his muscles, and the change was beginning. Gabriel's booming laugh rang out and Remus looked out to find him.

Remus walked over to him with difficulty; his sinews were popping and he doubled over. Sweet, darkened pain rippled through his body as his spine shifted and his fur sprouted.

"Hey Remus-doing' alright?" Gabriel drawled, a wild pointed grin.

"Doing good." Remus smiled back, he felt an uncurling of something deep and wonderfully horrible.

The forest was clear and sharp, with bold and subtle swirling around together; the wind died down and the heat seemed to rise like a steady heartbeat. Remus enjoyed seeing the half changed pack glimmering with sweat. The charge of the atmosphere made his fur stand on end; he could see the moon loom and move past the trees that filtered her light.

Remus howled loudly, and the pack burst to life. He loved the feel of their pelts against his, and the moon felt very real gleaming on his back. The air was thick with snarls, and Remus dodged left and right, weaving in and out of the fights that broke out. Playful and vicious tussles that ran rampant randomly across the black trees.

Lunar songs sliced through the heated air, and Remus joined in, adding verses in the invisible slipstream. He could see Gabriel leading a charge against prey, and Remus growled in anticipation before racing off to join him. They raced past Esme' and Astrid clawing into each other; Remus briefly wanted to see more of it, but Gabriel's thundering bay alerted him to the running prey.

The scent was getting closer and Remus felt the others shuddering with desire next to him-he growled, wanting to drive his claws into it. He heard one scream and Remus smelled the sharp sweet scent of blood. He raced forward to find it.

He could see Gabriel ripping into the flesh of a deer, with Lucien snarling close by. Bucky and Jean fending others off, their fangs wet and sharp. Remus whined next to them, he snapped his teeth up and down rapidly. The two of them grinned toothily at him, and he could feel the beast him wriggle inside of him, wanting to get out.

Remus snarled when Rafe got too close. Rafe whirled around to face him, all teeth and fur. Remus half wagged his tail and took up a stance. He could see Gabriel looking languidly amused. Remus dashed and feinted, and Rafe let his teeth flash in anger. Remus could see the underlying dark mischievous in the red of Rafe's eyes.

Rafe leapt up into the air, and Remus slid to the right, letting the other wolf crash to the ground-Remus pounced on the briefly sprawled on the hard earth. Rafe snarled savagely beneath him, before bucking and plunging like a rodeo bull. Remus yowled, digging his claws into Rafe's back.

Surrounding them were the rest of the Five, and to Remus's surprise, Finn and Gregory leapt into the tussle. Both Rafe and Remus yelped in surprise. The rest of the Five dove in, and it became a furred frenzy. Remus was jostled roughly by the writhing bodies that shoved and bit at each other. Remus snarled and snapped at them, loving the feel of teeth sliding together and he heard Ulf leap out of the tight circle, yelping. Finn and Willem howled before giving chase.

Gregory and Rafe grappled on the ground, now ignoring Remus entirely. Remus didn't care; he trotted happily to Gabriel's side. He could see Gabriel's wide grin, and Remus almost barked, wagging his tail like a puppy and heard Gabriel's booming bark.

Under the moon, the wolves raced through the woods with a fiery, dark passion and it was a carnival for the wraiths.


	11. Puppy Love

Remus blearily walked into the door with Esme', who still had leaves in her hair. The morning light clung on their backs, and Remus kicked off his muddy shoes.

"Want some coffee?" Esme' offered.

"Please." Remus smiled.

Rudy came in after them. Esme' busied herself in the kitchen, and Rudy sat down. Remus debated whether or not to see if Vivian wanted anything, but the creaking stairs told him that she beat him to it.

"Morning." Remus greeted quietly, surprised by the meekness in her voice and the circles under eyes.

"I'll tell you later-" Vivian started, cutting of the questioning glance Remus had.

Remus turned swiftly away, and tried to concentrate on the conversation Esme' and Rudy started. It was about the Ordeal.

"Wait a minute, are females allowed to participate?" Remus asked.

"No." Rudy replied.

"Astrid was right-that's an absurd rule." Esme' cut in.

"It's all a physical thing. Females and males are built differently. Muscles develop differently, and its too much of a risk for a female to be in the same division as males without a higher risk. It'd be a pointless battle." Rudy said.

"Oh c'mon on, some females are better fighters, smarter. It doesn't have to be a man's world." Esme' replied.

"Its for survival. We don't kill our own. Besides, you females get your chance to fight with the Bitches' Dance for the leader. It isn't just about status, you do get to lead in your own way. After all, you got your way with Ivan right?" Rudy smiled.

"Right." Esme' smiled softly, with moist eyes.

"So does that answer your question?" Rudy asked, turning to Remus.

"Yeah. So I guess that Bitches' Dance is the fight for the leader?" Remus asked.

"Yes, all females sixteen and higher are eligible. They can fight for any male they wish, as long as he'll have her. So really females do get their way-they get to choose their mates." Rudy responded.

"Oh Bull." Vivian suddenly burst out. "Matches still have to have the approval of the pack, and she can't even whelp without the leader's permission."

"Ah, so you'd rebel too huh?" Rudy teased.

Vivian just made a dismissive noise and headed upstairs to her room. Remus looked back at Esme and Rudy before following Vivian up. He heard the showerhead come to life, and he decided to wait.

"Oh hell, you don't have to do that. Just come in here and talk." she called from the half open bathroom door.

"Ah-okay." Remus hesitated before opening the door.

He sat down carefully; the seat cover was fuzzy and comfy. He glanced up at the pale shower curtains, and he could only see a faint outline of Vivian. Petite but curvy, with a harsh litheness.

"So…what happened?" Remus asked.

"Well…the on the night of full moon. Aiden came over." Vivian's voice was loud over the running water.

"What?!" Remus was aghast. Had she hurt him?!

"He snuck up on my roof, and wanted to have a sort of picnic with me. I was changing, and I kicked him out. Then I locked myself in the bathroom all night. How's that for fun?" her voice weary.

"Loads. How'd he go?" Remus felt a sinking feeling.

"I yelled at him, and I really hated it." her voice got harsh. "He made me feel dirty."

"How?" Remus was wishing he didn't have a idea of it.

"By making me feel like my body was this horrible, ugly thing that I had to hide away." she answered, her voice scarped together like rocks.

"Do you still feel that way?" Remus was suddenly afraid.

"Only then. It was a cage-we shouldn't be made to feel that way Remus." her voice grave.

The water swept down the drain.

Remus watched Vivian pull dresses from her closet, the fabrics hitting the bed softly. She ran her fingers through her thick hair, and Remus grimaced at her frenzied attempts to find something to wear.

"I can't believe I have to meet his parents!"

"This soon?" Remus was surprised.

"Yeah, I know-bloody moon, their gonna hate me!" she exclaimed.

"No they won't-your lovely." Remus reassured.

"Lovely?" she bit back a laugh.

"Well, you know what I mean." Remus said quickly, feeling his face heat up.

"No, no I do!" Vivian replied quickly. "I, just…thanks. I've never-had to do anything like this."

"Well I've never had to do anything like that before either. So I understand." Remus assured.

Vivian made a sound of enjoyment before pulling out a smaller red dress. She ran into the bathroom.

"Good luck." Remus shouted after he heard the door slam.

+

Remus sat on a wicker wire chair watching old man Orlando shift between his fur and skin. Bucky and Jean lounged by the large oak tree in Aunt Persia's backyard.

"Now it's your turn." Orlando addressed Remus.

"Ah-okay." The other two yelled out suggestions, and Remus smiled at the cheerful yells; Orlando shushed them, and Remus closed his eyes to concentrate. Breathing deep, he stood still and let the buzzing in his limbs get more concentrated. He could feel the start of a sweetness, like he had swallowed a large chocolate bar.

He shivered-he could feel his sinews shift underneath his skin. Remus shook, and the sun on his back made him sweat; he sniffed.

"Don't freak out kid, just let it happen." Bucky called out.

"Keep focus." Jean added.

"Got it." Remus smiled in thanks.

He concentrated on the semi painful, darkly sweet buzz that was slowly filling up his body. He closed his eyes tight, trying to ignore the sounds of twitching muscles and the shifting of bones. The cramps got more vicious, with a pain that bordered pleasure. Remus tried to breathe normally, and not push the feeling away. He opened his eyes briefly-his arm was covered in fur, bubbling and his nails lengthening into claws.

Remus gasped; in the sunlight the fine hairs almost glowed. He shook, his arm was so mismatched from the rest of his body he began to shake; he couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. His heart beat painfully, and the air burned like liquor in his lungs. He could smell the sudden scent of mountain pine and half perfumed flesh.

Then she was by his side. Vivian.

"Easy there Remus." he could feel her breath on his neck. "Let me give you a hand."

She pressed close to him, and Remus could feel the heat radiating off of her slender body; his head spun because of the proximity. Remus turned to look at her-her eyes held the depth of the forest, and they glowed like two pieces of gold. She looked so happy.

"Now just let it flow through you-the pain is really pleasure. Embrace your double edge. I have a secret for you." She whispered, hot breath moving as deft as fingers. "A soul mate."

Vivian stepped back, and looked straight at him. Even standing still, Remus could feel her energy settling over her like a second skin. Suddenly she seemed different, something was happening. She was shifting forms. It was fast and smooth; flesh and fur moved in tandem, the sounds of moving bone and slick muscles made Remus shudder. He watched her throw her head back, and bit his lip when he heard her sudden moan.

Then she was in her fur.

Remus blinked in astonishment. Over the past few months he had seen her "true" form before, but for some reason this seemed so much more important- the impact was magnified. Her eyes held more gold than before, and her pelt was tawny with a bit of grey. The muscles beneath her fur rippled with strength, and somehow managed to remain subtle. She had the legs of a hunter, and she was well proportioned. More that that, she was beautiful.

Remus watched her moved; she was walking toward him with purpose. He could smell it in her scent. She pressed close to him, and he knelt down and wrapped his arms around her neck. She licked his cheek; he knew what she wanted from him.

His world. He was thinking of running beside them, with the moon high above. He howled to will the change on, he could feel it. The pain, but she was staring at him. Willing him to go on, tugging at him with her golden eyes. He wanted to be by her side…their side, and be their equal. The pain writhed inside him like a living thing, struggling for air; he groaned.

A final crunch of bone pronounced the end of the change. Remus barked like a dog, whirling in surprise at the full change. He turned to look at Vivian, but the loud whooping distracted him.

"Ya did it Kid!" Bucky yelled.

"That was great! Not bad for your first time." Jean added.

"I'll get a mirror." Aunt Persia called out.

"I think this calls for a celebration." Gabriel teased.

The mirror was pulled out, and Remus walked over to it. He yelped in surprise; he knew what he looked like already, but for some reason this time was different. He was awake. Paying attention. Vivian came to stand beside him; his fur was much lighter than hers, it was more of a brown sugar color. He could see an almost ivory underside, with tufted fur. He was smaller than Vivian.

"I say we all go to Tooley's" Bucky claimed.

This suggestion was easily agreed with, and they raced back to their cars. Leaving only Vivian and Remus. She turned to him whining eagerly, and pressed her nose briefly to his. Remus wagged his tail, unable to contain the puppyish excitement. She grinned back. She still managed to hold the grin even as she changed back.

"Your turn." she laughed.

Remus barked in response before concentrating hard. It was easier than he thought it'd be.

"Your secret? Who is it?" he managed to pant out.

"Aiden." she whispered, almost trembling. "Oh Remus." She hugged him tightly, before running to the truck. "Race you!" she screamed.

"Hey-wait!" he yelled back, breaking into a sharp run.

"Ya know that Viv's got her birthday comin' up." Esme' drawled, letting her lips pout.

"Really?! She'll be what, sixteen?" Remus ventured.

"Seventeen actually."

"Oh wow." she was a year older than him, he realized.

Esme' leaned over the table between the two of them. " I have an idea." she grinned.

Remus followed the throng of the weekend mall shoppers and he and the Five cleared the crowds with rude shouts. Remus just rolled his eyes whenever one of them waggled tongues at girls. Although he did admit to winking at a girl or two. After a heated debate, Rafe announced to the rest of them that it was Victoria's Secret that was the store to go to.

Remus could have sworn his heart skipped a beat as he walked into the gauzy pink store. Bubbly pop music filtered through the bright music, highlighting the wall to wall coverage of lingerie. The boys instantly spread out, pulling bras' and panties off the racks and holders. Rafe pointed to an elaborate lacy bodice, and Gregory threw silky panties at Ulf.

A war soon broke out; panties with being thrown around. Remus managed to dodge most of them thrown at him, and hit one of the twins. Willem grabbed a C-cup out of a sale bin; Rafe pulled Gregory aside as Remus watched Ulf giggle madly as Finn squeezed the intricately designed cups.

Rafe strolled up to Remus(who was staring at a shimmering bodysuit.), and pulled him close. Remus could feel Rafe's hot breath on his neck and cheek.

"We're gonna liberate the panties-they need pussy." He gave a feral grin.

"They'll find a home with Vivian I take it?" Remus could feel a prank coming on.

"Hells yeah-they'll like Viv-nice and warm down there." he leered.

"Figures." Remus muttered. "Okay, gotta a plan?" he asked, hoping he wouldn't regret this.

"Okay, like this." Rafe whispered in his ear.

"Got it."

Rafe moved away from Remus to punt Ulf out of the store; the twins exchanged a look and Gregory grabbed a cart from the front of the store. Remus glanced over at the counter, catching the girl at the counter eyeing them warily. True to his part, he carefully walked over to her.

"Excuse me?" he asked softly, putting on his best 'I'm-polite-and-shy' voice.

"Yes?" she blinked in surprise.

She was pretty. He could smell her cotton candy perfume, and her bubble gum. Remus felt nervous, but smiled in what he hoped in a way that looked charming.

"I was hoping that you could give me some advice." He looked up at her. "See those gentlemen over there?" Remus indicated the Five with a finger.

"Uh yes?" she looked vaguely annoyed.

"Well they are my cousins. When I mentioned that I was going to shop for my girlfriend's birthday, they insisted on coming." he rolled his eyes. "You can see how that turned out." Remus gestured again to their lewd antics.

"I can see that." the girl at least smiled this time.

"Ah, yes I apologize for their behavior. Some men just don't know how to behave themselves." Remus said, looking contrite. "I hope we haven't bothered you." he tried to sound worried.

"Oh not at all." she quickly assured, and Remus could see her cheeks warm slightly.

"Well, since those guys are no help, I was hoping for a more feminine opinion." Remus respectfully inclined his head in the girl's direction.

"Oh, that's what you want-my help picking out a present?" she supplied.

"If you don't mind-if your too busy I'll understand." Remus said quickly. "Or if it offends you, but I admit I'm out of my depth." he looked sheepish, and hoped his eyes looked wide.

"Oh no-it's okay, I understand." The girl hastily replied.

She quickly crossed the counter, carefully selecting from various pieces of lingerie.

"So, is she special to you?" she asked.

"Yes." Remus was confused why his heart was starting to get agitated.

"First big girlfriend huh?"

"Ah-well…I guess you could say so." he replied, feeling the bright lights beat down on him.

"Say no more." she twittered.

Remus glanced out of the corner of his eye, seeing Ulf walk back into the store carrying a large bag with an unfamiliar store logo emblazoned on it. He watched with almost awe at the speed at which the boys were pulling the assorted clothes into the large bag. Remus turned his attention to the girl, and managed to make her blush.

Rafe coughed loudly to get his attention, and the rest of the Five and Remus turned to look in his direction; Remus's insides froze. Ulf had frozen in shock, a handful of frilly panties half shoved into the bag. Busted. The girl turned to Remus, her fingers lightly holding a racy black bra.

They all froze for a split second, then the Five burst out, racing out of the store-leaving Remus with the counter girl. He turned back to her, he swore he could have heard the steam shoot out of her ears. Her near indignant shriek snapped him out of it, and Remus bolted.

He spend towards the Five, he grinned mischievously as he caught up with them; they raced out the doors, and all but Rafe and Remus jumping into the truck bed. They drove fast.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you guys were trying to ditch me." Remus managed to grin through his grimace.

Before any of them could answer, Remus pulled a slinky dress from out from his rumpled t-shirt. Rafe's eyes went wide.

"Whoa! How in the fucking hell!?" he yelled.

Remus only smirked. "I'll never tell." he teased.

Rafe struck up a howl, and the others added their voices. Remus just laughed. Pulling into the drive, the truck groaned as the weight from back was lifted. They whooped and cheered, pounding on Vivian's door. The door opened revealing a bewildered Vivian.

"Happy birthday!" everyone cried in unison, spilling into the parlor.

The Five gave licks, love bites, kisses, and hugs. Esme' giggled, and Vivian rolled her eyes and smiled. Remus approached her, holding out the silky dress to her. Vivian took the dress gently out of his hands with slender fingers, gently fingering the material.

"Its in your size I believe"

"Thank you." she said softly. "Your lovely." she teased.

Remus laughed at the joke as the Five put on the strangely erotic violent music that pounded and screamed. One by one, the five handed Vivian her presents. Remus smiled as he watched her slender fingers quickly pulled back the thin paper and tossed the boxes aside; she laughed as she revealed her gifts.

"You too Remus?" she asked, a smile still on her face.

Remus tipped an imaginary hat.

The door bell rang, and Vivian stood up. Esme ran up to the door.

"I'll get it." she cried. "You just enjoy your party."

She pulled the door open, revealing Gabriel.

"What a surprise. Well what are you up to?" Esme dropped her voice to a sultry drawl.

"Actually I was here to wish Vivian a happy birthday." he replied, voice deep and mellow.

"That's nice."

Remus could have sworn he heard the purr drop from Esme''s voice. However, Vivian began to pull the boys up off their seats, and swayed to the music. They surrounded her, pressing close to her and Remus could smell the sharp suggestive scent of sweat and summer. Vivian turned to Remus, offering her hand. It was warm and surprisingly strong.

Vivian lifted him up, and he joined in the crowed. She weaved in and out, her tawny rippling in burnt gold bands. She swung her hips, revealing the taunt and golden skin. Sweat gently coated her body, creating a wonderful scent. Her muscles were hard and smooth, shifting beneath her flat belly. Her legs were slender and her skirt swirled around, riding high to reveal the inside of her thighs. Vivian shimmed back and forth, pulling Willem close to her first and dancing with him; she breathed in his ear, giggling when he squirmed.

She pushed past him and grabbing one of the twins, teasing with firm hands. She kissed him on the cheek. She beckoned Remus with her finger, and grinned both lazy and mischievous. He moved closer. She pulled him close, and he felt her claws on his hips; his breathing hitched as she grinded against him. Heat radiated off of her, their bodies crushed together and swaying dangerously.

She let her lips brush his neck for a moment; Remus had to breath through his nose, and Remus wished they could stay like this. Vivian met his gaze with one of her own; Remus was taken aback by the expression he had no hope of describing-he just felt his heart speed up. Vivian inclined her neck, the high smooth rise of her cheekbones nearly brushing against his. Remus swallowed hard, hyper awake of his body; he leaned in closer-

Vivian spun him away, and Remus nearly fell into the table. He felt a goofy grin on his face and he turned his head, meeting Gabriel's grin. Remus flushed, and watched Vivian dance. He escaped Gabriel's knowing look and the strangely wistful expression in his eyes. Remus sneaked a glance and saw Gabriel managing to look amused and slightly pained. The expression made Remus flinch; he hated seeing that look on Gabriel-it shouldn't have been there in the first place. He wanted to make it stop-

A sudden howl made the two of them turn and head to the kitchen( the source of the noise.) Vivian had sent Rafe sprawling. Rafe growling, and Remus suppressed a snort of laughter. Gabriel looked like he was in a similar state.

"So you do know how to take care of yourself." Gabriel said, and Remus could hear the admiration in the tone.

"Damn straight-don't you guys forget it!' she replied proudly.

Remus could smell the bittersweet defiance and sour fear scent coming off Vivian as she stood close to Gabriel, who was giving off a meaty, nearly spicy scent of male confidence. He looked amused as she bristled at him.

"Don't you forget it." she rasped at him, plush lips pulled back slightly to reveal teeth.

"I won't." Gabriel replied softly, glancing at Vivian, who was quickly going up the stairs.

Gabriel turned to smile at Remus.

"She'd never let us forget would she?"

"Nope."


	12. They brightly shine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dead dogs, horny werewolves, and mild violence.

As the heat started to climb, Vivian's feelings climbed as well; Remus and Vivian spent as much time together as they could. Remus was still being taught, but was learning quickly. Vivian spent a great deal of her time with Aiden; she had the glow of someone in love. Remus felt his insides burn, but it wasn't necessarily unpleasant. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he wanted to know just what it was.

Remus felt an odd mix of contentment and a bizarre restlessness. Something was going to happen. His heart sped up. He was beside Vivian and Aiden; the three were going to see the fourth of July fireworks at the park. The scents of the day still hung in the air, and his companions added their own smells, creating a tantalizing weave in the sunset.

Vivian was in high spirits, running between the two boys; Aiden looked alright to Remus. A gentle, slightly rumpled looking kid; from his talks with Vivian, it felt like he had known him all along. Remus liked the boy. He gave Aiden a sympathetic glance as the two raced to catch up with Vivian; he wanted to run by her side, but he didn't want to leave Aiden behind-but he had to admit that for a human, Aiden kept pace nicely.

The summer humidity hung like a curtain, and Remus licked the salty tang of sweat off of his fingers.

"Come on!" Vivian yelled, her voice cutting across the field.

"Aright-sheesh, we're you an Amazon in a former life?" Aiden teased; he had a drawling, indulgent voice.

Remus just laughed, the joy outstripping his unease. He raced beside Vivian, and made sure Aiden kept pace. His heart was thumping lustily inside his chest, the heat clinging to his skin, and the scents were almost overwhelming in their number. He loved that he was running beside them, and when he heard their labored breathing he felt enlivened; the sound proved they were alive, and that fact made Remus want to howl-he hoped Vivian felt the same way.

"Slow down a bit sweetheart." Aiden panted.

"Well, I'm tired." Vivian giggled.

Remus stopped in time to see Vivian and Aiden tussling on the warm grass and felt a strange stab of heat beneath his happiness. Swallowing it down, he sped up to them and playfully bowled into them.

"I'm gonna go on a ahead-don't do anything you might regret." he teased, and quickly dodged the playful swipe Vivian directed at him.

Remus ran. He ran past the back alleys, the rambles, and the slight wooded area of a park. A sudden chorus of howls pierced the air, and Remus turned in their direction; it was the voices of the Five. They were loud, intent cries. Remus's ears pricked, intrigued by the noises. Hesitating for a moment before heading off in the direction of the howling. Remus loped easily towards the sounds, the scents of the Five getting closer. The small wooded area smelling dense; a loud bang thundered through the sky-the fireworks had begun. Remus didn't bother to look behind him to see the brilliant lights. He was too engrossed with his pursuit of the Five; something was about to happen, and he could almost feel his hackles raise.

The smoky breezes blew the necessary information to Remus, and he ran to catch up with the Five; they were hunting, and it was too close to the humans celebrating. He sent up a howl, high and cautious; he was letting them know he was approaching. Through the thick trees Remus caught glimpses of blurred pelts, and he could see Rafe in the lead. The meaty, cloying smell of hunger and focus permeated the air-they were close to the kill.

Remus didn't see the kill but heard it. It was a high pitched shriek that was quickly cut off. Stopping suddenly, he looked over the edge of the hill he stood on-overlooking the Five. They were in their fur, standing stiff legged over a large….thing.

Remus could feel his heart stop and the world spun…the body of the prey looked-human. He snarled, startling the others and Rafe looked up first. Remus didn't wait for the others follow suit; he leapt down the hill and his feet brushed the bracken and dirt. When they hit the ground, they were wet with blood.

The air buzzed loudly in his ears, and Remus couldn't focus on anything but the blood. A dark sickly color that gave off a sweet stink. He could feel his lip curl up, baring his teeth. A possessive snarl snapped him out of it, and Remus had difficulty relaxing his stance.

"Hey-this is our kill. Find your own." Rafe snapped, his stance speaking louder than words could.

"Your hunting too close to the park-you'll get seen." Remus insisted.

Rafe snarled, the twins snapped their teeth together, Gregory crouched low, and Ulf paced excitedly. Rafe began to circle and the rest of the boys followed suit; their whining quick and eager with flashing teeth.

"What did you just kill?!" Remus pressed, unable to figure out the scent.

Rafe let out a bark of laughter, letting his tongue loll in a gruesome parody. Suddenly, he wagged his tail, barking and making playful gestures. Remus turned briefly to the corpse, crouching low. It was a dog. Remus let his shoulders relax for just a moment before rounding on the Five again.

"That could have been a human! You need to be more careful!" Remus yelled sternly; that would have worked before…

Rafe lifted his leg, letting loose a stream of piss. Remus growled at him; it was a pretty clear message. Rafe sank his jaws into the neck of his prey and ran up the slope, the rest of them thundering after them. Willem glanced back for a moment before racing ahead of a panting Ulf.

Remus stared after them, watching them fade into the night. He didn't jump when he heard Rafe's human voice call out-

"Don't pretend to be a human-that's what makes you disgusting to be around!" Rafe yelled.

Remus could hear their howls and laughter echo back at him. He walked back the way he came, ignoring the smells around him and he wanted nothing more than to find Vivian and Aiden and to see the fireworks with them. He looked up, seeing the bright flares in the sky; he remembered the glow in Rafe's eyes, the red illuminated by the screech of colorful gunpowder. The yells of the crowed were getting closer, and each flare in the sky lit the ground Remus walked on, trying to ignore Rafe's words as they repeated in his mind.

He let his feet loudly on the ground, willing the sound to drowned out his thoughts; the images flashed and tangled before his eyes, and Remus felt the heavy weight settled on him, resigned to the feel of it. He knew something bad was going to happen.

Remus felt his stomach drop, and before he knew, he fell. He turned back to look at what made him loose his balance; his foot had gotten caught in a tree root. Growling in frustration he yanked his foot out and nearly tumbled backwards. As he stood up, a reddish blur ran past; Remus instinctively ducked down.

The red blur had slowed down to a lope, and then Remus recognized the long legs, tufted chest, and vixen-ish shape. It was Astrid. Remus kicked himself for not realizing it sooner as her distinctive scent washed over him. He crouched low behind a felled tree.

'Well something's up. What could she be doing?' Remus peeked out from a rotting hole in the bark, and he watched as he saw-and heard the thundering of wolves. There were no elders and Astrid was the only female. Remus frowned in confusion.

'Is this some sort of pack tradition that I don't know about? Surely Vivian would have told me of something like this.'

Remus sat on his haunches as the males swarmed around Astrid, snarling and jostling around. Astrid was almost prancing about the darkened foliage. She gave a sudden yelp. It was aggressive and excited, and many males replied with a low growling. Astrid suddenly wheeled, bounding away with a sharp keen; it sounded like a hunting call.

'Wait-this can't be right.' Remus started, staring after the racing males.

Remus felt the nervousness border on fear, and he looked into the direction of the fireworks.

'Guess I won't be seeing those for much longer.' as he watched what was probably the grand finale.

He stared at the burning lights, the feeling in his chest getting heavier; he felt a strange kinship with the fireworks. Reluctantly tearing his eyes away from the magnificent sight, Remus chased after the running wolves.

+

Remus tore after the racing wolves, and he could hear Ulf's panting and he knew he was behind them all. Remus didn't change and didn't want to alert his presence as he loped through the thinning woods. The pack was nearly silent except for an occasional howl and the thundering of many paws hitting the ground.

Remus could smell a riverbank up ahead, and vague scents that told him it was occupied; his fear mounted, Remus prayed that no humans would cross their path. Luckily, they turned away from human scents before heading into a park. Remus could see Astrid in the front as they turned, her fur looking like dried blood underneath the lamp post. He could see Lucien behind her, panting and snarling at the males behind him. Rafe and the rest of the Five jostled into the playground equipment mischievously as they ran past.

Letting his sneaker slap the tire chips and cheep metal of the merry go round, he struggled to catch up. Remus felt his panic mount; they would on the outskirts of a suburb. It was past the trailer park and close to the industrial district and the poor housings. It was Fourth of July, and they were bound to be seen. In his panic he turned, trying to guess the direction they were headed. Remus didn't want to howl to give away his position.

Remus started, leaping for cover and he felt like tripped again, but it was Astrid leading the racing males through a tennis court. They gleamed boldly underneath the pale fluorescent lighting; an apartment complex loomed before him, and Remus hurried and watched in horror as Astrid led them through the parking lot and saw them fan out into the darkness. He lost them.

Remus held his breath, waiting for the screams to ring through the air. Remus ambled into the parking lot, tense as the buzzing of the lampposts. Only a handful of cars were parked. Remus could hear a motorcycle close by, but it was fuzzy to his ears. Despite the heat, his teeth chattered and he could feel himself shaking.

'Please let nothing happen. Let them just run, and not find anything. Please don't let them kill anyone.' He had no idea who was praying to. Remus looked around; the sights were unfamiliar. 'Oh crap-I'm in a completely different part of town aren't I?'

Remus mentally retraced his steps, trying to ignore the motorcycle engine that revved in the distance. He walked across the parking lot, trying to quell the slight panic that bubbled up. 'I just need to find a street sign or something.' Remus breathed deeply, and turned this way and that at the cross roads, scanning for a sign.

"Hey kid-is that you?" a deep voice called out.

Remus jumped.

"Remus-that you?" the voice called again.

This time, Remus breathed a sigh of relief. It was Gabriel. He was still astride his motorcycle, bike helmet in hand.

"Yeah." Remus called back, trotting towards him.

"What are you doing out here? I thought you went to see the fireworks." Gabriel said, his voice sounding slightly confused.

"Well yes I did…but…" Remus trailed off, unsure why he suddenly felt so apprehensive.

"What happened?" Gabriel prodded, he sounded more patient now.

"Well…" Remus broke off, suddenly feeling very childlike.

"Remus tell me." Gabriel put one large hand on Remus's shoulder.

The weight seemed oddly comfortable, but very strange. Remus suddenly wanted to lay down and have Gabriel take care of everything. He stumbled, nearly hitting Gabriel in the chest before the older man caught him, righting Remus and standing him straight.

"Please." the urgency was still there, but strangely soft.

Remus told him what happened, watching his expression darken as he continued with his story. Gabriel continued his hold on Remus, only letting go when Remus finished. Remus looked up to see Gabriel's face clearly, and he wondered just what had happened.

"What next?" Remus asked imploringly, unsure why he felt so small.

"Taking you back to Rudy's." Gabriel answered; Remus couldn't read his expression.

Gabriel held the helmet out to Remus.

"It's probably too big for you, but it'll do. Now hold tight." he said as Remus slid onto the back of the bike.

He could barely wrap his arms around Gabriel, so he settled for the jacket. Remus barely had time to form a thought before Gabriel revved the engine and they raced down the road. Remus could smell the rubber and the distinctive aggressive scent of Gabriel through the helmet.

Remus watched the blurs of scenery and hoped the ride would be over soon-he preferred running. It was quicker than he thought it would be, and Remus tried to dismount the metal steed as gracefully as possible as he handed the bike helmet back with as much dignity as he could muster. Remus stifled throwing a glare as he saw Gabriel's small smirk.

"Thank you." he said abruptly, cutting off Remus's next thought.

"What for?"

"For letting me know what Astrid was up to."

"Oh-no problem." Remus quickly assured. "Just hope they don't run into anyone." he mused aloud.

"Yeah-I'll see you later." Gabriel said, looking swiftly away-but not before Remus caught that unreadable expression.

Remus watched him speed away before walking inside.

+

He closed the door quietly behind him and walked into the parlor, following the voices of Rudy and Vivian.

"I'm back." he called cautiously.

The two of them turned to him, and Vivian looked at him with wide accusing eyes.

"Where were you, for moon's sake!?" she cried. "I thought you went to go see the fireworks?"

"Well I did, but then I bumped into the Five." he explained hurriedly, lowering his gaze and feeling suddenly ashamed under her burning gaze.

"Oh?"

"Yeah and then…" Remus began the story all over again.

Their gazes darkened, and Vivian in particular looked as though she swallowed a storm cloud.

"W-was I not supposed to?" Remus glanced back and forth at them, wondering what was going on.

"No, nothing like that-good thing you did actually." Rudy explained. "They're acting up too much, it'll get the rest of us killed."

"Yeah, the only thing I don't like is Gabriel acting as if he is already the leader." Vivian explained in a rush, her cheeks filling with color.

"Yes, well he just might." Rudy insisted.

"Well when that happens, then it'll be fine." Vivian snapped.

Rudy sighed." Either way, I imagine this won't be the end of this."

Remus privately agreed.

+

The next night, Remus sat at a table at Tooley's with Esme', since he came early with her when she offered him a ride. He could see a few bikers already there, and he waved when he saw Bucky and Jean walk into the door. The smell of cheap beer and greasy food made Remus feel strangely at home. He watched Esme' serve customers, and he smiled at how some of men would stare long after she had gone.

The door opened, and Remus could hear Gabriel's laughter and an annoyed remark-it was Vivian's voice. Remus took a quick peek, watching Vivian talking to Rudy and Gabriel. He was about to join them, but their expressions stopped him.

Each one had a deadly expression of some kind; Vivian looked worried, Gabriel angry, and Rudy looking between them, trying to read the situation. Then it hit him-it was about the same subject that was spoken about the day before. Hurriedly, Remus turned back to the bar's scenery, trying to push down the hackles on the back of his neck.


	13. Milkshake boys and girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedications: Many thanks for Brat Princess for her exceptionally kind reviews and wonderful help. Check her stuff out.
> 
> Enjoy!

Remus watched Vivian paint. Her fingers gliding over the walls, and creating her world. They were both silent; the previous night still fresh in their minds. Gabriel's announcement, and Lucien's bloodied face was something that burned in Remus's mind. Blinking harshly to banish the image, Remus turned to look back at Vivian.

The sun filtered out from her windowsill and settled like gold dust on her hair. Her eyes narrowed with concentration, and Remus saw her lips purse pink in their focus. A fast stroke created a running wolf, its jaws parted and Remus wondered who it was supposed to be.

He sighed. The weight of yesterday's events settled over him like a scratchy blanket, stifling any cool comforting breeze. He continued to lie on her bed; it was a lazy day, with Esme' downstairs and Rudy at work, the two were at liberty to do whatever they liked.

"So…" he trailed off after she set down a brush.

"Yes…" she trailed off meaningfully; Remus had a feeling she knew that he wanted to talk about yesterday.

"It was…interesting wasn't it?" he asked.

She snorted. "Yeah-Lucien gets his ass beat and Gabriel tells us not to hang around Astrid the bitch."

"True." Remus nodded with a wry smile. "I take it you think Gabriel means it?"

"Without a doubt." She replied, eyes firm.

"Well he isn't the leader yet. That'll only happen if he wins the Ordeal right?" he asked.

"Yes, and that could be a big if. He isn't the only strong male out there." her tone made it clear that she would have preferred someone else.

"So, if you thought someone else could do a bitter job, who would you pick?" Remus was genuinely curious.

Vivian was quiet for a moment. "Someone like dad."

"What was he like?" Remus asked softly.

"A great leader. He was calm and gentle. He didn't like violence, but he was strong. He had dignity, and everyone respected him because he could keep his word and everyone was safe with him as leader. We had no problems-everything was peaceful, the pack was very close knit then."

"But that all changed?" Remus guessed.

"Yes. The Five were getting a little too crazy, and that was when Axel was still alive. After some crazy shit went down, we had to leave. Dad had to kill Axel-it was a Pack Law. He endangered the pack because he nearly exposed us. The Five were lucky-they could have gotten killed too, but I convinced dad to go easy on them." her voice was low and heavy.

"But-the day after the whole mess was settled, some people from the town believed the stories that floated around, and at night-they burned down our inn. We had to run. Dad died in the fire, and we lost a lot of the pack. We're lucky that we escaped they way we did. Then Gabriel beat the crap out of the Five for trying to get back at the town. Then we moved here." Vivian took a breath before continuing.

"Gabriel managed to find all the things we needed to get us settled in, with Rudy's help we got our contacts established while he crashed at everyone's place. I guess he could work, but he's nothing like dad. I dunno, I guess if dad was still here-" she cut herself off.

"Its only natural you'd miss him." Remus trying to reassure Vivian with his gaze. She met it briefly before staring at the mural again.

"Well yeah, but Esme' told me that he would have stepped down after the fire-if he had lived." Vivian continued. "That his…reverence for duty wouldn't allow him to lead if he thought it was his fault."

"I dunno. Gabriel could be what the pack needs." Remus wasn't sure what made him say that.

"Esme' said something like that-"Vivian finally smiled. "But I guess I just don't want anyone to tell me what to do." she let her smile widen and Remus was happy to finally see the bold spark return in her eyes.

The phone suddenly rang, making both of them jump. Vivian reluctantly sat up. "I'll get it."

She headed off to grab the phone, and didn't return until a few minutes later, looking much more excited. Remus perked up at this, seeing a telltale sign of her love-struck demeanor.

"Aiden?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes."

He politely looked away as she shimmed out of her pajamas and into a soft cotton dress. After a few minutes of her preening, he followed her downstairs. Remus saw Esme' down in the kitchen fixing herself something to eat.

"Going out?" she asked before taking a sip of coffee.

"Yup-off to see Aiden."

"Oh hon, really." Remus watched her shoulder slump slightly. "I know its been hard on you, but really you have friends." she indicated Remus with a tilt of her head.

"Mom really." Remus noted the exasperation in her windy breath.

"No, just listen for a minute. Pretty soon, will be leaving and you can have heaps of men to choose from." Esme' gave her a meaningful glance before turning to Remus "That goes for you too-there'll be plenty of pretty girls who'd be willing to have you. So don't get sucked in liked Viv did, ok?" she addressed him, with only a slight tease to her voice.

"Mom!" Vivian yelled, her cheeks a curious shade of pink.

"Oh honey, I'm trying to look out for you kids. I just want you to be with people you can trust." Esme' soothed.

"Like the Five?" Vivian countered.

"Well at least we know what they are capable of."

"I know what Aiden is capable of thank you very much!" Vivian yelled. "I'll be back later." she announced before slamming the door shut.

Esme' winced before turning to Remus.

"Need a ride kiddo?"

+

The days started to pass slowly, the tension rose like a heat wave. Remus was surprised to be honest. He could expect the Five to act out, but not any of the adult pack members. Astrid's behavior really startled him. He could see why the Ordeal was a reason to count down the calendar days; they needed a leader more than ever now.

But the clock moved sluggishly, and Remus could only think of Vivian's entrenchment in Aiden's friends. He hoped with all his heart it would work out. If the heat wouldn't kill him, the waiting would. For Vivian and Aiden, for the Ordeal, and something else. The day that Vivian told him about the fire gave Remus's insides a guilty squirm. Since she told him something that was obviously very personal, it seemed almost dishonorable to not repay her in kind.

He felt close to telling her, almost to the point that he would spew it out. Anything to replace the saddened expression on her face and give her back the bold one that she wore like a glove.

She ended up spending time with the Amoeba without Aiden, and Remus wished her luck before she headed out the door. He hoped they'd be kind to her; he knew firsthand that making friends was hard. Even harder was keeping them.

"I just wish she wouldn't spend so much time with him." Esme told him that day.

"Oh?" Remus was confused.

"Yes-he won't know all of her. She'd have to hide such a vital part of her." Esme sounded weary.

Remus was about to say, 'Just how much of a person can you know, really?' but he didn't think she had an answer for that. Besides, he knew what she was getting at. The phrase made him hold his breath and let it stay there. He had no idea if that was true or not.

When she came back that night, Vivian's voice was hopeful and nearly happy. Remus was waiting for details when she came back into their room.

"I had a great time, it wasn't awkward at all-they were so nice. It doesn't have to be and us and them." Vivian almost gushed.

"Exactly." Remus cried back, but the pit of his stomach was in knots and he didn't know why.

As Remus lay awake, hearing the quiet symphony of the night, he wondered just what was right. The Ministry or the Pack? Was it really us or them, and if so, who's side was he on?


	14. Yin and Yang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence and gore.

The excitement was tangible. July the thirteenth had come. Remus could feel the charge in the air; even though he couldn't participate in the Ordeal itself, he could still watch. Rudy and Esme got off work early, taking Vivian with them. Surprisingly, Remus had managed to get a ride, not with them, but with Jean and Bucky.

The two friends included Remus into the conversation, laughing uproariously as they rumbled down the freeway in the beat up car. The light faded as they reached Gaskill State Park. Remus could make out Rudy's car yards away. They all piled out, heading for the checkpoint.

The moist air clung to his lungs, and before they reached the top, Remus could smell the musk of wolf-kind, buzzing with power. Shaking down the odd stirring in his gut, Remus looked for Vivian and Esme as Jean and Bucky caught up with their friends. Remus trotted over to a disgusted looking Vivian.

"What's up?" he asked, confused over her expression.

"That." she spat out, inclining her head to two figures that looked hard to separate.

Remus didn't have to figure out long as Astrid emerged from the dense canopy of summer flowers, with Rafe shortly panting behind her.

"Oh." Remus shuddered.

"Exactly!" Vivian yelled, slapping the air for emphasis.

Remus watched as the Five grouped together, with Ulf pointedly ignoring Rafe. The rest carried on without much incident. Vivian and Remus lost interest in the conversation Esme was holding with her friend Renata.

Loud callings of every tone were tossed about in the humid air. Old man Orlando was calling for order.

"Hey-quiet!" a voice shouted.

The noise died down, and Orlando cleared his throat before continuing. "All willing adults must come forward." his voice rang with authority.

Males began stripping, clothes falling into piles at their feet. Remus pulled off his shirt and heard Astrid's throaty voice call out:

"And us." she stood proudly with the males.

"That is incorrect." Orlando stated. "Males only."

"No-we can fight too."

"Against someone twice your size? That is merely foolishness." Orlando calmly continued.

"Let her try." Gabriel stated. "She could prove it." the vagueness of the statement was lost on her.

Remus looked at the long line of males and heard the ominous thunder cracking in the distance as many in pack began to change. Aunt Persia stepped out, gleaming in silver, holding a glimmering bowl. Her lips moved in a cracked, swollen humming. It made him dizzy. Suddenly giving a fierce cry, she flung the bowl above her head-and Gabriel sped past, slicing Astrid and a tiny spurt of blood shot out from her neck. He merely smiled, as if to prove his point. Astrid screeched in shocked before lunging at him. Gabriel simply batted her aside, and when she whirled around in her heels he pounced. Pinning her to the thick ground, his fangs pressed against her thick red fur.

Her eyes narrowed in rage, but she exposed her belly and slunk away from the circle when he snapped his teeth at her.

The Ordeal had begun, and the ground shook as heavy paws raced upon it. Remus watched, entranced as the wolves created a complicated dance. He watched fascinated as wild writhing forms spun dizzily to and fro as snarls rent the air and the smell of blood competed with the summer blossoms.

The two brothers Rolf and Raul were at opposite ends, slashing at opponents, and they were quickly knocked out. Remus looked for Gabriel, spotting him dodge an attack from a huge brutish blond; a brindle was being brought down by another stranger, and Jean was making short work of a grey.

Remus peered closely, pacing in excitement. He could hear Vivian howling with a hungry joy, but she was concentrating on a different fight. He was more interested in Gabriel's outcome. He watched as the dark form of Gabriel attack with precision, his massive jaws crunching down onto the leg of attacking stranger before returning his attention back the blond.

The power unbridled beneath coiling muscles, fur as dark as the night sky, with pale blue eyes that could pierce as well as his sharpened fangs, Gabriel was a large wolf, with the grace and the same merciless speed of lightening. He was enrapt watching Gabriel move as he faced the blond; their lips pulled back into faces of aggression and they stood facing each other, each one ready to fight to the death. Remus howled his support.

As Gabriel lifted a massive paw, Remus felt the wind get knocked out of him. Tumbling against the ground, he managed to spring to his paws before he could get hit again. He smelled Rafe before he saw him, and he dodged the swipe that came close to his muzzle. Remus faced Rafe, growling in irritation; Rafe's eyes shined wetly in the moonlight, two ripe pieces of fruit. His muzzle was contorted with malice.

He snarled and leapt in the air. Remus dodged, his legs shuddering with the impact of Rafe's landing, he pivoted on his hind paws, slashing at Rafe. Rafe blocked some of the blows; the two sprung apart, and circled each other.

Remus could feel the fire of the moon flow and burn through him, and run hot through his veins and strengthening him. Heady aggression filled his nose; he couldn't tell who it was coming from. His growl came deep and primal, urged on by ancient melody. Rafe rushed him, and Remus feinted to the side and bit into Rafe's flank.

Remus held on even as he felt the pain in his hind leg. The two circled, their fangs still sinking into each other's flesh. The world spun, and he tasted blood. Remus could feel his heart pump and the moon fed his lust. The snarls that echoed through the air egged him on and he attacked blindly, knowing Rafe was doing the same. Suddenly the ground went out from under him and he was pinned; Remus panted wildly, feeling foam on his lips.

Rafe's eyes had a fever glaze and he panted, fangs wide and sharp. A small rumble of satisfaction came out of his mouth; Remus felt enraged and musky. He stared down his opponent, a grimace of teeth. Rafe pressed his muzzle against Remus's throat. Remus felt a horrific and delicious thrill go through him. He couldn't suppress the tremors that went through his body. A wonderful pain went through him, he couldn't wait for more.

A sudden scream pierced through the dense air. Both wolves turned to the sound. Remus yelped, suddenly stuck to the spot. Bucky was ripping into Jean, the organs visible-Remus could see the steam from his body rise into the acrid air as blood seeped into the soil.

The Five shrieked and howled, enamored and enlivened by the scents and sounds of the field. Remus watched as Gabriel swiftly pulled Bucky off Jean, who was dragged off by Orlando and another wolf. He shuddered before sprawling motionless on the ground, fur dissolving into flesh for the final time.

Remus whined and growled, pacing and whirling. Human horror, fierce joy, and a wild delight and burning shame. It was so overwhelming and he sought out Gabriel, howling. Remus edged closer to field, the reek of blood hot and…delicious. Remus whimpered at his sudden desire for the kill. He watched the blond descend over Gabriel, with claws that looked like pearls. Gabriel ducked, weaving around the tight slashes and suddenly rammed upward-like a piece of the night sky had ripped itself loose to attack the lethal stranger. Gabriel's jaws raced upwards, clamping down on the blonds' massive throat.

Gabriel pushed upwards, forcing his weight onto the other wolf; it gave one defiant gasp before Gabriel broke the blonds' neck. The stranger crumpled to the ground, and Gabriel sprang back, his stance determined; Remus felt an odd stirring in his chest. Was it pride?

The howling started. Gabriel led the chorus with a thundering roar, twin tenors that spiraled up belonging to Raul and Rolf, Orlando's cracking keen, the throaty hum of Aunt Persia, and Esme''s fluttering soprano. The raising song meant victory, with a frenzied lusty tone.

Other voices lifted up, wrapping themselves up into a large canopy that reached the moon. Remus felt a loneliness that made his body double over; the dual emotions of desire and disgust made him feel the loneliness. He turned to look for Vivian, and found her crouching down, muzzle buried beneath her paws.

Remus wanted to be close to them, he howled, letting his voice join the others as he ran to be close to the pack. Remus went into the press of the crowed , the feel of fur on fur was a comfort. He found Vivian and nudged her with his muzzle; she turned to him, and he whined, wagging his tail half-heartedly. Pressing close, he lifted up his head and howled.

'Don't be sad.' he begged with his eyes; he felt close to grasping something-she had understand it too.

Vivian look back at him, he barked softly. She whined back, licking his nose and ears. Remus almost purred-a loud scream jolted them back. They turned to the noise. Astrid was attacking Esme', the red female leaping on Esme''s back and latching on. Her jaws scissoring up and down along Esme''s back and shoulders. Yellowed eyes narrow with spite. Remus heard Vivian growl low before seeing her suddenly leap into the air. He yelped in surprise as she crashed into the two larger females. Remus was jostled into a large circle as the rest pack watched the females tear into each other.

'Is this the bitches' dance?' Remus watched as Vivian went into a rage.

She was snarling in the most terrifying pitch he had ever heard, her teeth buried in Astrid's face. The pack pressed in close, and Remus could smell the rank sour stench of fear and his hackles raised when he heard Astrid's bone wrenching shrieking; she released her grip on Esme', who dragged herself away from the fight. She whined, her ears flat on her head.

Astrid's face was covered with blood that shined blackly underneath a cold and ravenous moon. Vivian snarled, circling Astrid tightly and snapped harshly; Astrid growled, still in a rage, but her breath was ragged and harsh; it was clear she had lost.

Females rushed in, weaving in and out of Vivian and Astrid, blocking Vivian from giving the death blow. Remus lost track of her in the rushing, frothing forms of wolves and the howling continued. Suddenly it stopped. Remus edge out, following suit with the other males and he watched with them as females crouched low at Vivian, their ears pressed flat on their heads, and they rolled over, presenting their belly.

The air rippled with heat and the thunder crashed overhead, lighting Gabriel's dark fur; as if Gabriel was made of the same fabric. His tail swept up the starts, and his large body strode down the cleared line, dark fur. When Gabriel walked past Remus, he smelled thunder and the dominance that crackled in his entire frame. Gabriel stood expectantly for Vivian.

Remus leaned forward, tense when Vivian didn't respond to the show of dominance and replied with a defiant tilt to her head. Vivian sped off, with Gabriel in pursuit.

The thunder broke, and the rain poured down. The wolves howled until Orlando called for silence. His voice rang out, mouth shifting for speech.

"It is time to honor the dead, and speak of their power. Howl with pride when you know they gave their lives for yours." His ancient voice trembled with power, and Aunt Persia began to recite "Death and Life walk hand in hand. They represent the double edge we carry. It was are duty, our burden, our pride, and our joy. A vicious aspect and a gentle aspect that was given to us by our Great Goddess." Her voice rang out. Orlando spoke the next verse "Rejoice! We now have our new leader-the blood spilled on the soil-sister to our Goddess-will protect us and carry us forward, till the next life blood replenishes us."

"This is the law." they chorused together.

The howl was slow and mournful, with high and low notes slipping in between one another seamlessly, creating the dual nature the elders spoke of. The pitch shifted-it became impassioned and almost loving, with low, violent tones slipping beneath like the undercurrent of a stream. Both sides would carry them forward.

Remus poured into the song wholeheartedly. After their lunar voices finished, they seemed to echo, ringing outward to lasso the moon. They set to work of burying the dead. Remus walked over to Bucky, who was digging the hole. Silently they worked, letting the stained soil move at its own pace. Gently, reverently, they grasped Jean with their teeth and placed him in the hole; they stared at Jean's body for a few moments, each one in their own thoughts but somehow together. Bucky pushed the soil back first, then Remus; they took turns pushing the soil back to where it belonged.

'Wherever you are Jean, I hope you find happiness.'

Remus left Bucky after they exchanged a glance. The pack raced around, the raucous triumphant shouts and howls proved that the Ordeal was going to be celebrated all night. Remus looked up at the moon, the pale glow-a devious pearl; Vivian worshiped Her, and he stared enamored and surprised as his thoughts had untangled themselves from his brain. He could think clearly-

They did have double edge and that was perfectly natural-without one, the other wouldn't work properly. Everything burned-life burned hot-Remus howled throaty and, rich, hitting a vibrancy he hadn't felt before. Were death and life really that entwined; Jean seemed to scream from his grave. His eyes widened, and he had his answer, but that didn't make it an easier. Remus let the rain slide and stick over his fur, and wished Vivian was there. He turned to run through the forests, trying to catch a glimpse of a god.


	15. True colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild gore and slight to moderate angst.

Remus let his feet slap the concrete loudly; he hadn't returned back to the house yet, the celebrations ended just early that morning. Remus ended up staying with another pack member when he left the park. Last night's events replayed in his mind since he woke up. He could still hear Gabriel's bay, and his heavy pursuit. Vivian's fight with Astrid, the vicious glaze in her eyes.

The smell of blood that covered the air and the field. Astrid's face shining darkly with blood, and the dead body of Jean. The twin voices of Aunt Persia and Orlando; the double edge of wolf-kind given by the revered Goddess.

'So, after all that-we do have a double-edge. It took all that to help me see it. We are what we are, good and bad.'

The images of the Ordeal gave way to another image. A violent tree that attacked anyone who would try to get near it. Remus shuddered, remembering the inside and rotting shack; the musty furniture and the creaking of decaying wood-but Vivian's voice drowned out the creaking 'It was a cage. We shouldn't be meant to feel that way Remus.'

"But should we?' Astrid's eye popping, the blood spurting out and glistening on her muzzle. 'If we're capable of that, then shouldn't we be locked up? Can't we control ourselves?!' he screamed silently at himself.

'But think of what Aunt Persia said-no good can come of suppressing one's true nature.' another voice reasoned-it sounded like Gabriel. 'But what if we hurt someone?!' Aiden's gentle face came into view, but his hair was lengthening, turning red-becoming another face-

'Which is exactly why we're leaving!' The meeting in Vivian's parlor coming into focus, with Vivian's wistful voice echoing in his mind. 'The hunting was good, and the pack was close by, and no worries about anyone crying wolf.'

Remus winched, recalling the story about her father being burnt to death. He was a good man; they needed protection too, the crisp fliers had been stuffed into his hands when he was six. The Healer who gave them to him had more that pity in his eyes, but a coldness. 'He couldn't wait to get rid of me.' Remus mused bitterly.

'The law is meant to protect-who? Us? Them? Is it really an us and them?' Remus knew Vivian and Aiden loved each other; he Vivian did, so Aiden did too right? She looked so happy about it all.

'We can't help being what we are…' the pack's faces drifted into his thoughts. 'No. We can't help being…who we are.' All the nights at Tooley's, with Esme and Vivian. Aunt Persia's backyard with her Tarot cards, the Five with their pranks and dancing with Vivian on her birthday. Rudy's dusty truck, the loud kids and the walks back and forth to Vivian's school. Gabriel teasing him, and Bucky and Jean cheering him on. Gabriel's firm voice, Esme''s flirting, and Vivian's smile-lit up by fireworks as she tumbled in the grass with Aiden.

'We're not monsters. We have our own feelings-not to be hidden in shacks or inside trees. Our…double edge. That's true and its ours-whether we like it or not.'

St. Mungo's was still fresh in his mind, their winding hallways and sterile, scentless rooms flooded his mind. He hated seeing the Healers faces, and those who carried wands. At that thought, another opened up to him-Fenrir Greyback came into focus. Remus shut his eyes to banish the image-to replace with Gabriel.

'He won the Ordeal; the two can't be similar. As different as can be right?' Gabriel ran through his mind, fighting with Fenrir for space. Remus shook his head, and looked ahead to the next street.

'I just have to trust that Gabriel will be a good leader-or not. I don't have to stay.' That thought made him shiver at the sudden iciness that plunged into his system. He rubbed his arms to keep it away. Vivian's imploring tone came back 'Come with us.' Her eyes wide and pleading, her lips ripe and pink. 'Do I really have anything to go back to?' The castle loomed high and moonlight cast it in pale light. Four figures raced inside its doors, and well known laughter rang through the large rooms-Remus felt great pain, almost unable to continue remembering. The last minute arguments, the uneasiness as he over looked the lake, and howling alone.

'Was it really meant to be-why did it happen?' Remus clutched his chest, unable to continue. He let the castle fade out and pulled up the image of Vivian's parlor, watching Esme' get to work and greet Rudy who would be returning from his job. Vivian painting her mural upstairs. The pressure in his chest eased, and he continued to muse.

'Besides I'm being selfish-Vivian has more to worry about then I do.' Her saw her race down the line with Gabriel in pursuit. 'Is that what she wanted. She won the Bitch's Dance-she won the rights to mate the leader-Gabriel. But that was an accident right? She was saving Esme' from Astrid, not trying and be Queen Bitch-what do the rules say about that?' Remus was genuinely confused. 'Wonder what regards the Law has towards this matter-is there anyway she can get out of it?' An idea formed rapidly, even after another thought emerged. 'What if she'd like to be Queen Bitch?' Remus blinked. 'Well then this is no problem, but better safe than sorry.' With that final thought in mind, Remus walked in the direction of old man Orlando's home.

+

His home wasn't hard to find, and Remus ignored the throbbing humidity as he knocked on the door. The wait was long and instead of leaving, Remus sat down on the step, letting the sun mercilessly pound on his back. He didn't know how long he waited, but it felt like hours until he saw the bent form of Orlando walk up the path. Remus met the old man's eyes with a tired smile, and sat up when Orlando approached the door.

"Well hello there, how are you today?"

"Fine fine, you?"

"Oh not bad. Been waiting long?"

"Not really."

The door swung open, and Orlando pocketed his key as he showed Remus inside. It was a small house, the furniture plush and nearly crammed inside, with various objects put in available shelf space. Orlando indicated for Remus to take a seat as the man walked into the kitchen asking various questions. Remus looked at the intricately carved cuckoo clock that hung on one of the walls. When Orlando returned, he was carrying a large tray of crackers with cheese and two large glasses of ice tea. Orlando took the seat across from Remus, their knees nearly touching as the old man looked as Remus with a kind scrutiny.

"Now, how can I help you?" he asked.

"Well its about the Ordeal." Remus felt like he was in a professor's study.

"Go on." Orlando softly urged.

"Well when Vivian became Gabriel's mate…it was an accident." Remus continued softly.

"Please explain." "Well she attack Astrid to protect her mother-Astrid could have killed Esme'. She wasn't thinking about becoming anyone's mate." He explained.

"And you think that she should be exempt?" Orlando questioned.

"Well…not necessarily. I was just wondering what the Law has to say on the subject. What if she doesn't want to be Gabriel's mate? Is there any way that it can be…" Remus trailed off.

"Over looked, delegated. That sort of thing?" Remus nodded in response; Orlando drank some of his tea before continuing "A female can fight for any mate as long as he'll have her. If a male is already mated, she must challenge his mate to earn the right to be that male's mate. This holds true in the opposite as well. Truthfully speaking, Gabriel could very likely have any bride he chooses and it seems unlikely that he would be refused. If fact, I don't believe the role can be delegated. Vivian will be the new Queen Bitch, mated to our leader." Orlando took another sip of tea; it was obvious he was waiting for a response.

"Well that does answer my question, so thank you for your time." Remus inclined his head.

"Your welcome. Perhaps some good will come out of this." Remus sat up to leave.

"I hope so." He replied.

+

Remus walked up the path leading to the house, and the truck was gone. He opened the door quietly, and kicked off his shoes before slipping into the house. Padding softly passed the parlor, he stopped when he heard Gabriel's voice from upstairs.

"Goodbye for now, because I'm not giving up-you'll be my mate. Just let me know how to win you. I'll crown my queen." his voice husky and focused; the seriousness startled Remus.

He could hear his masculine footfalls, and Remus ducked in the kitchen-he was sure that he mustn't be seen-and Remus heard the door slam, and it was echoed by Vivian's door swinging shut. Waiting for a moment before racing a up the stairs, Remus inhaled quickly and then tried to walk up as calmly as possible.

"Vivian" he rapped on the door. "May I come in?"

He heard the bolt slide past, and the door creaked open. Quiet, Vivian moved aside and he stepped in; she was subdued, but he could tell that she was seething inside. A storm beneath a surface. Vivian shut the door locking it as Remus sat down. He scooted aside to give her room as she sat down next to him. The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Both sorted out their thoughts, and Remus patiently waited for her to finish. Her eyes were clear, giving Remus hope and he knew she'd be okay.

"So…?"

"So."

"What happened?"

"Well Gabriel came by-he's really serious and I'm not sure why it matters to him so much." Her voice soft and contemplative.

"Ah-well today I went to old man Orlando's-to see what your options were…" Remus spoke, his tone lowered to match her.

"And I don't have any right?" She finished, a tinge of bitterness in her tone.

Remus just nodded.

"Well thanks for trying Remus." She hugged him briefly before continuing "but I'm not going to let it happen. Even if they say no, I'll choose my own mate." Her gaze burned.

Remus felt his admiration rise. The two talked late into the night, speaking of soul mates and true love.

+

Vivian and Remus had woken up roughly at the same time, both startled by the ringing telephone. Remus rubbed his eyes as Vivian stumbled out the room, yelling at the phone. "I'm coming, I'm coming."

Remus flopped back down, eyelids fluttering to the sound of Vivian's conversation. Stretching himself awake, Remus walked down the hall and picked up scraps of Vivian's conversation. He leaned against the wall, curiously waiting for her to finish. After a few moments of nodding, she put the phone back into it's cradle.

"Aiden?" he asked.

"No mom-she's at Renata's, but she forgot the CD's she was gonna give back. Now I gotta go over there and give em' to her." exasperated, Vivian let her fingers tap the phone.

"I'll do it-I'll take the CD's over and you can call Aiden." Remus offered. "That is what you wanted to do right?" he asked.

Vivian blinked in surprise. "Yeah-that'd be great. Thanks." she smiled shakily; the scent of nervousness was starting to come on.

"Sure no problem." Remus replied, perturbed by her minor anxiety. He turned to leave.

"Remus." her voice stopped him; it was soft and low. She sounded anxious and dangerous. There was something important, and she seemed afraid of his answer but defiant. Despite, his unease he felt his admiration rise.

"Yes?" He had a vague suspicion where this might head.

Vivian hesitated before plowing right in "The reason you ran away-was it because you told someone about yourself?"

"Uh-" this was totally unexpected.

"Gah! Sorry-I'm so sorry-Remus I didn't mean-" she cut herself off, bright red and ashamed. "I was just hoping if you could…support, or help or whatever-my situation. That if you supported my…decision, then it'd be so much easier." She explained hurriedly. "The thing is…" she took a deep breath before continuing. " I'm going to tell him about myself." Vivian shivered. "And you had that look on your face."

"N-no, no it's okay." Remus took a shaky breath, feeling the color drain from his face. "It wasn't really like that-it's just-complicated. Wait-what look?" he groped for the distraction.

"Well-you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." she said hastily. "I just wanted to tell him because-"

"I understand-you just want to share a part of yourself with someone you love. Its understandable; I can support it-you." He broke off, feeling shaky.

"Thank you-you just looked like-your in such pain, maybe…" Vivian trailed off, distinctly red.

"Um…I do-well thanks-I'm mean for the helping bit!" He blinked rapidly. "I just hope when you tell him, you'll be okay. He loves you-right-please be safe." He still felt pale. "So…um, I'll get those CD's." He tried to smile. " Go get em' tiger." Remus took the stairs down two at a time, hearing Vivian punch the numbers.

+

Remus walked quickly, the CD's plastic cases cutting into his arms and sweat pooled in the creases of his elbows and sliding down to his wrists. He panted, chest heavy from the midday humidity and he couldn't relax-their conversation was ringing loudly in his ears.

Remus found Renata's apartment with little trouble and was in and out before they could ask him what was the matter. He walked a few blocks, unable to calm down. There were only so many ways that Aiden could react. Remus swallowed rapidly; wishing she wouldn't end up in the same…situation he had. Quickly cutting off that train of thought before the pain could arrive.

He walked until the sun set, his feet dragging from the adrenaline crash and the still stifling heat. The cicadas started to cry as the sun started to bleed on the horizon. Remus passed the park where Astrid led her run, the dying grass crunching underfoot and Remus looked quickly around for some darkened corner. No one was in sight, but even so, Remus stayed low to the ground and rushed into a darkened corner. Stripping as quickly as he could, he concentrated hard.

The tightening spine, and the rippling muscles proclaimed the start of the change. Remus closed his eyes and let it sweep over him, flooding his system; the sweet dark violence created a storm in his insides; he growled as his bones snapped and reformed. The delicious, malicious shuddering made him shake all over and he clenched his teeth to prevent a moan. He could feel his tufted ears push past his hair, it tickled his neck and he laughed, his developing muzzle distorting the sound. Remus doubled over quickly, and his paws pushed down the ground, snapping fallen branches.

Remus sniffed the air before racing off. He didn't know why he felt like changing, but he raced through the park, swerving away from the light. He stuck to the trees, the rising moonlight dappling the ground and he chased the stray speckles of light, pretending it was prey. Racing through the trees and he felt the ground shudder; his hackles raised-something wasn't right. Ears pricked, he softly padded forward and followed the rumbling feeling.

It seemed like a long time, but he heard the racing paws of wolf-kind. Remus followed at easy lope. He could have sworn it was Vivian; he howled a short greeting, but the wolf didn't turn around. Remus cocked his head, watching the figure grow smaller and smaller. He paused for a minute before turning in another direction, leaving the wolf in favor of another place to run. Remus wanted to lose himself in a secluded place, forgetting the day's events.

He locked onto a scent and chased it. Racing through the sparse woods, he followed his prey with his nose and sped up. A dirt road that led to the freeway told Remus that he was going into a more secluded area. He swerved to avoid a tree, leaping into the air and snapping his teeth, narrowly missing the rabbit. Snarling in frustration, he ducked trying to pinpoint it's location. A slight rustle made his ears twitch; Remus dropped into a hunter crouch, and slowly made his way to the rabbit.

A scream rent through the air, cutting off suddenly.

The rabbit bolted and Remus sat up as if electrocuted; the scream had belonged to a human. A scream of pure terror that stopped as quickly as it came; someone was in serious danger; Remus ran to locate the source, almost automatically-he wouldn't abandon someone if could help it.

Running up a hill, Remus smelled it before he saw it. Blood clotted the air, plugging up his nose to the point that it was all he could smell. He sneezed repeatedly, unsuccessful at getting the smell out. Vicious snarling stopped him from continuing up the hill and he crouched low, hearing the scene. Remus suppressed a shocked whimper; the snarls belonged to two creatures. Wolf-kind. They were killing a human.

His heart sped up, but was unable to drowned out the sounds of flesh being ripped from bone, the organs splattering onto the ground. Horrible squelching noises as soft pieces ripped and collapsed; Remus retched and gagged on the grass, nose pressed into the ground-unable to shut out the ripping and tearing; blood was splashing all over. He realized with a twist in his stomach that they were tearing the body limb from limb; he was grateful that the human was dead-he no longer had to suffer through it.

One started up a howl before the other cut it off abruptly. Remus lay flat on his belly, listening to the pair picking up the pieces, their teeth clenching tight-making blood ooze like puss. Remus swallowed before peeking. The two were dark, and not in any light what so ever; he couldn't recognize them, and they reeked-the blood was making his head spin. The two turned, and Remus ducked back down, terrified that they should see him. He heard their paws hit the ground, the vibration almost making his vision swim as he heart thudded painfully. He looked up in time to see on of them drop a piece of the person. Remus's stomach rolled and he staggered back, and caught the barest glimpse of their retreating forms.

Remus hadn't felt this afraid in a long time; he shook allover for a few minutes, and he felt rubbed raw. A twig snapped; Remus nearly shrieked and he ran, his tail between his legs and yelping all the while.

+

"Gabriel! Gabriel! Open the door!" Remus shrieked, in near hysterics.

He ran all the way to Gabriel's apartment as he managed to find his clothes(barely able to put them back on.). Pounding on the door as soon as he raced up the stairs without pause. The door was quickly wrenched open and Gabriel emerged in boxers and a nightshirt.

"Remus?! What's wrong." his voice alarmed. "Get in here." Gabriel ushered him in.

Shutting the door behind him, Gabriel grabbed Remus by the shoulders and steered him into a seat. "Sit down." he ordered gently. "Calm down. Breathe…breathe. Put your head between your legs." Remus obeyed as Gabriel rubbed small circles on his back. "Now, can you tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

Remus felt a strange desire to cry; he hadn't felt this small in a long time, and the adrenaline he had been running on all day seeped out of him, draining him. He just wanted to sleep; Gabriel looked like a giant pillow right now. Instead, Remus nodded.

"Can I have some water?"

"Sure." Gabriel briefly rustled about in the kitchen before setting the glass down and pulling up a chair facing Remus. "So…?"

"I saw…someone-a murder. By wolf-kind."

Gabriel straightened quickly and quietly. Remus could feel the air change and his hackles rose. Gabriel noticed and Remus could have sworn that he had softened slightly.

"Its okay-I'm not angry. Can you please tell me what happened?"

Remus swiftly nodded. "I went out tonight for a run, just to clear my head and…"

Remus watched Gabriel's expression change as he continued to describe what happened. He finished with when he ran back past Vivian's house to Gabriel's apartment.

"I didn't stop for anything, and I nearly knocked Rafe over the path when I passed Rudy's place." Remus concluded.

After a long pause Gabriel asked. "Can you show me?"

"Show you…?"

"Yes. Where you witnessed this murder." he quietly urged.

"Yes." Remus nodded slowly.

"Alright then. Just lemme get dressed."

+

The trek to get the sight took hours, the trail Remus made was confusing and the two lost it every once and a while; scents were hard to pick up, but they eventually found the hill where Remus had crouched at, and Remus was surprised by Gabriel's patience. In the slow dawn light, details were easier to make out, and the area looked very disturbed. The blood was everywhere. Gabriel wrinkled his nose; and the two changed half-way.

"No wonder it was hard to pick up a scent, there must have been too much blood in the air to smell much else. Still true now." Gabriel observed. "Remus, look at the ground" he gestured with his fingers. "What do you see?" he asked.

The grass had grown wilder here and was longer despite the dying color. It was bent and twisted, with some places lying flat.

"The person tried to put up a fight before he died?" Remus ventured.

"Close, but from what you told me, this was a sneak attack. He didn't know what was coming. Maybe a hitchhiker? This road is usually pretty deserted. So what does that tell you?"

"That the wolves who attacked him either know their way around or they got really lucky."

"Yeah, and at the moment-both are a possibility. Take a look at this." Gabriel indicated the sets of paw prints that stuck to the ground.

Remus bent down to sniff. "Mud."

"Yes-its an old trick. Cover yourself with mud to disguise your scent. It has a few flaws-your tracks can be read easily and some mud have different smells."

"So you could figure out where that mud came from and see where someone has been." Remus tried.

"Exactly. Now, you said they carried the body away from here?"

"Yes. But if this place is deserted, why wouldn't they just…eat it here." Remus dredged up the last words with disgust. "Wouldn't that be easier?"

"Depends. They might not have eaten it. Some wolves kill for their mates or cubs and we don't usually bring them out with us to hunt necessarily-sometimes circumstances are tough, but none in our pack are having that kind of trouble-and if it was done by one of our own then it means this was a pleasure killing." Gabriel's gaze darkened.

"So now we have to find the killers…and then?" Remus was afraid of the answer.

"We bring them to justice." Gabriel finished, his jaw settling in determination. "Now let's see where they could have gotten to."

+

They didn't stay at the hillside much longer, only to get more information and then they traced the scent to a stream, where the trail went cold. The two were at it for hours, with Gabriel quizzing Remus over various methods of tracking and hunting, patently explaining the mechanics of the trade. He was quick to point out Remus's mistakes and replacing them with the proper techniques and Remus felt better when Gabriel gave a small smile whenever Remus was correct; he felt that soon he'd get to learn the finer points at a less gruesome time.

When the midday sun finally emerged in the sky, Remus was exhausted and he was secretly grateful when he saw Gabriel slow his pace for him. Remus tried to conceal his panting as the heat poured down him and he saw the corner store and felt relief; they were almost there.

Police sirens wailed and an ambulance screamed up ahead. They were headed to Tooley's -which was right in their line of vision. Remus exchanged a look with Gabriel.

"I smell blood." his voice low and gravelly.

Gabriel led Remus to the back way, nudging him urgently. "This way. We'll get a better look this way." The two let the summer foliage envelope them as they crept into the parking lot. It was swarming with police. Yellow tape cordoned off the area, and Remus winced as he saw the bloodied dumpster, the color rusted and stained-unable to be bleach out by Tooley's thorough cleaning. Remus shivered and turned to Gabriel.

"You don't think…that this it the second body?" horror washed over him.

"Hmmm. I don't think so." Gabriel answered. "I think we just found out where our trail led."

"Oh good." Remus sighed.

Gabriel turned to look at him and Remus colored. "Not that this is a good thing! I'm just glad that there aren't anymore-" he explained hurriedly.

"No I understand." Gabriel managed to look less grim. "Listen-you go back to Rudy's and wait there. I'll call you when something comes up." Remus nodded, unsure of the deep expression Gabriel wore: he had an idea. "Now get outta here and get some sleep-you look like shit." Gabriel finally smiled, and Remus felt better for it.

Remus nodded, turning to go but something caught the corner of his eye. It was Vivian. She was looking wan and raccoon-eyed. She looked as bad as he felt; the heat plastered over her face, making her look restive and bare. He didn't like her expression-it was too worrisome. Remus left hurriedly, barely noticing his surroundings as he crept into Rudy's house and waited for Vivian to come back.

The door slammed just as he was beginning to doze off, and he looked around wildly in time to see Vivian run up the stairs two at a time. Nearly tripping over himself, he hurried to catch up with her.

"Hey wait!" he called.

"Remus?" she poked her head out from her room. "Where have you been?" she turned, taking in his appearance. "Whoa-you look like shit, what happened to you?"

"Feel like it too-well it's a long story…" he trailed off. "But what I want to know about is how'd it go last night?"

"Does it have anything to do with what happened at Tooley's?" she asked, ignoring his question and he didn't question the sudden pain that flashed in her eyes.

"Yes it does actually? Why were you there?"

"Just answer it for me." she pressed.

Remus sighed, and began to retell the incident all over and didn't stop. When he was finished, she stared at him wide eyed. "So why were you there?" He asked, voice hoarse from talking so long.

"I wanted to get out of the house…and that's what I ran into." She sighed; he recognized the tone.

"Which brings me back to my original question: What happened last night?"

Her eyes filled with tears and she looked weary. She rubbed her arms rapidly. "It was horrible."

"Just how horrible…he didn't…?" Remus ventured slowly before it dawned on him "Oh…no he didn't. Oh tell me he didn't-oh Viv!" he nearly cried, agonized and softly angered.

"Yes he did." she replied quietly.

"And…?" Remus felt horrible for wanting details from her-it was obviously painful, but her felt a morbid fascination to find out just exactly what happened…as if he needed something-

Vivian filled him in on the details valiantly, ending with "and then I don't remember anything…so if you don't mind, I'm just gonna crash."

"No of course! I need a shower anyway." Remus quickly ran for the bathroom, shutting his eyes tight against the world.

+

The next few days were both slow and stressful, and the summer heat stretched the agony out. Remus hoped the steamy late July humidity could purge the taint from them all and leave what was guaranteed to be a huge mess.

True to his word, Remus didn't leave the house-waiting for Gabriel's instruction. Vivian seemed to be doing much of the same; both tensed whenever the phone rang, and paced around it, debating who and when should answer first.

But the two of them didn't speak; Remus could actually smell the pain that wafted off of Vivian like some sort of rotting animal. She didn't get out of the house-actually he didn't either and both seemed restless. The heat made it awfully stifling, and with two teenaged werewolves trapped inside the steam box house didn't make for a good combination. Although Remus considered himself lucky-he was the only person Vivian didn't snap at.

His stomach boiled; over the weekend as the gossip of the murder increased, so did the cramps and aches in his body. It felt like he swallowed a live creature and as it struggled inside him it died, rotting his insides; he couldn't take much more of it. Between the murder and Vivian's estrangement from Aiden, Remus just wanted to scream; he hadn't been this upset since-

But that was it wasn't it-

Remus sat bolt upright, trying to get himself to settle down. He felt glazed over, but hyper aware. He groaned; trying to sleep didn't work and he went to get some water. Esme' was already in the kitchen and she looked just as tired as him, her hair in a messy bun.

"Hey, kiddo-guess you know huh?"

"That what's his face broke up with Viv?" he didn't feel like giving the boy a name.

"Yeah-I knew this would happen. She'd have to face the music." Esme' made a sympathetic grimace. "Rebelling is fun, but you can only do it for so long." she sighed, and Remus wondered how long she rebelled.

"I'll try and talk to her. It's just-I didn't think it'd-" Remus tried to find the words.

"Be this hard?" she sounded gentle. "It always is kiddo." she ruffled his hair. "I better get ready-Gabriel's coming over."

"He is?" Remus was surprised by the suddenness of it.

"Yeah, if he's here before I get back down answer the door will ya?" she called up from halfway up the stairs.

"Sure." Remus called back just as Vivian walked back down the stairs.

+

Gabriel arrived shortly after, and the four of them sat in the kitchen; the man had news for them and Remus could see the thunder inside him.

"From what I've figured out it seems someone has developed a taste for humans, and it was a pleasure killing. Look, the desire to kill is understandable-especially if this was back in the day when it was to feed our families and see through harsh times. But times have changed. The world has shrunk-humans are everywhere and they outnumber us. We have to learn to live along side them, or we'll end up destroying ourselves. We can't kill and expect nothing to happen."

Remus saw Vivian shudder, and was surprised to see apprehension in her eyes.

"Now, I'm not about to let this continue. I swore to protect this pack and if its by my jaws then so be it." Gabriel continued. "We will find a safe place to live." that last part was directed at Vivian, and Remus was surprised again at the gentle expression directed at Vivian; he realized he was close to figuring something out.

"So I'm sorry about freaking you out." Gabriel said to Vivian. "Be patient, this'll all be behind us.

Remus wished he had comforting words for her-anything to rid her of the smell of fear that clung to her like sweat. Remus almost rolled his eyes at Vivian's protests. He could see Gabriel hold back a smirk as he was about to deliver another piece of sobering information.

"I want pack member to be in their skin as often as possible-the police think the murder is the work of a wild animal. Esme' pass that along, and Remus." Remus looked surprised at the address.

"Hm?"

"Pack an overnight bag, and I'll pick you up tomorrow bight and early."

"Uh okay." Remus was nonplussed by the random order.

Gabriel nodded and left soon after.

+

Later that night, Remus could hear Esme' and Vivian arguing; from the sounds of it, it was about "Getting real." he had a feeling it ran along similar lines of his conversation with her in the kitchen. At the first whiff of an argument, Remus retreated upstairs. He winced; the two were playing hardball by the sounds of it. The name of Esme''s "friend" Tomas, the blond newcomer from the Ordeal had cropped up.

Remus just shook his head, this wasn't his fight. He sat on the bed, feeling uncomfortable in many different ways. He perked up when he heard the telltale footfalls of Vivian. She looked pinched and the gentle golden color of her skin seemed to lack its normal perkiness. She flopped on the bed, and Remus could see the tension in her bare shoulders; he gulped-this wasn't going to be easy. He almost shivered; her elbow was touching his when she sighed.

"Um…Vivian-"

"Whatever you want to say, please just say it." she sighed again, sounding slightly agitated.

"Okay well-here it goes." He started. "Quit shutting people out." he stated, seeing her tense and he continued rapidly. "I know you don't want to hear this right now but-I gotta say it. What Aiden did was awful. You wanted to-well we know that bit, but-he betrayed you."

"Remus-"

"No lemme finish-you aren't the only one who knows betrayal. You think you know someone, you trust them and care for you-and its mostly mutual, but then-" Remus didn't know why he felt so compelled to say this, but the thing that was rotting his insides was spewing out. "They do something-completely unforgivable, and whether or not it was intentional, it feels like they have carved a piece out of you. Made you feel so awful-sick and dirty and they didn't even know it! Its awful when they don't mean to do it to-it's like they don't know you at all, and they should have known better-stop to think!" he broke off, feeling the pain intensify. "But Aiden-it was-well, just don't shut me out. I know how that feels, so please…" he was unable to continue.

"Remus…" Vivian sounded…astonished? He couldn't tell.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything now." Remus rolled over, trying to let sleep overtake him.

+

Remus woke up by himself, and he wandered down the stairs and into the hall. He spotted Vivian by the telephone, staring at the receiver with suspiciously bright eyes.

"We have the house all to ourselves?" he asked; it seemed unlikely that Vivian would let her defenses down easily in a full house.

She blinked back her surprise. "Yeah-Rudy's at work and Esme' is off with her new boy toy." she sounded a touch bitter.

"Ah. I take it Gabriel didn't call yet?"

"Nope."

"So have you called him yet?"

"A few times, but I-oh!" Vivian rushed down into the kitchen.

Remus trailed mutely after her, still too groggy to fully question her at the moment. She was frantically scouring the kitchen surfaces, until she finally found what she was looking for-a scrap of paper with a number scribbled onto it. She made a mad dash for the cordless phone, dialing so fast her fingers blurred.

"Hello, Bingo?" her voice jittery.

Remus opened the fridge, not paying much attention of the contents as he heard the flow of conversation; it ended quickly however and Remus looked up in surprise as Vivian threw the phone across the room.

"That bad huh?"

"Aiden told them to stay away from me-"

Remus felt the color drain from his face.

'Wait-if he told them that, then what must he think of Vivian. That murder-what if he thinks it's her-he wouldn't-'

"No nothing like that!" Vivian cried; she must have interpreted his expression correctly. "He just told them I was spiteful and jealous, and when he tried to break up with me, I went crazy and threw a chair out his window. They wouldn't want to hang out with me now."

"I get it now."

The two stood in silence for a few minutes before a sharp knock snapped them out of their reverie.

"That's probably Gabriel." she said.

"Yeah." Remus went to open the door.

Vivian rushed up the stairs as the door swung open, and before either of them could get a word out, Vivian threw the bag downstairs.

"Later!" she yelled from the top.

"Yeah!"

Gabriel rolled his eyes and motioned for Remus to follow him. Gabriel got to his motorcycle quicker, straddling it and he tossed the helmet to Remus.

"Get on."


	16. Liquid Ambivalence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Slight sexual content.
> 
> AN: A Original Character pops up, and said character could have an expanded part-if you want that to happen. PM with your opinion. And yes, I am geographically stupid.
> 
> Enjoy!

"So where are we going?" Remus yelled over the bike's roaring engine.

"To Pennsylvania, were gonna see if the pack up there is having any trouble with rogue wolves." Gabriel yelled back. "Since you're the only witness, I'm bringing you along-we might pick something up-two are betting then one."

"Wait-there are more packs?!" Remus felt incredulous 'I thought this pack was the exception to the rule-

"Or course! You didn't think we were the only ones did you?" Gabriel sounded teasing.

"A little actually-and they have the Law too?"

"Of course. They are like us, if that answers your question."

"It does." Remus relaxed.

"You're a strange one alright." Gabriel laughed.

"Well-" Remus stuttered before breaking off into laughter.

The drive was long, but pretty as they traveled up state; they didn't talk much, the roar of the engine was too loud for any real conversation. Only a few shouts here and there could be heard. The scenery blurred past and scents blurred together, the wind slicing them away before Remus had a chance to identify them. He clung hard to Gabriel's waist, and he hung on even tighter whenever the road would turn bad; he could feel Gabriel's large frame hum with laughter whenever this happened.

The wind whipped by, and Remus saw the world through a glass frame. They passed a few cities, and over the idling engine Remus could see the shops of a small tourist town.

"We're gonna have to cut through Harrisburg, and go north." Gabriel explained. "It'll take awhile."

Remus nodded. "Where are we?"

"A few miles till Harrisburg. This pack lives fairly far out."

They sped off again, and approached the city of Harrisburg. Remus tried to take in as much of the city as possible, the stop lights were frequent as Gabriel tried to race through the shopping district, and Remus liked to look at the old fashioned boardwalk; he suddenly felt sad.

The city was large, taking at least a good and a half to leave it. And they sped off again, leaving it behind in favor for small village-esque towns with quaintly painting wood that reminded him of Quakers. Others had that chic high middle class suburban feel. Remus was glad to see the back of those towns. Remus felt Gabriel turn as they left the freeway, taking turns to single lane roads with small signs. Eventually turning onto a gravel road, crossing over train tracks and turning again onto a dirt road.

They drove on for a few miles before passing a small stop. It had a gas station, convenient store with a movie rental attached to it. A small Laundromat and a abandoned building with the words "lumber mill" rusted over. The was a turn in that direction, but Gabriel ignored it, going farther down the line, and across the dirt road they drove on was a large stream. It looked to small to be a river, but it looked deep. Across from it looked something like an RV camp. Gabriel paused at the fork in the road before turning left.

On the right side of the road was a hill surrounded by wild grass and dying wheat. A house stood a couple hundred feet away from the hill; it was at least two stories, it looked as through it could have been grand, but somehow cramped despite its size. A few smaller buildings littered around it, and a few cars parked in the lawn. Beyond the house and the hill seemed nothing but space.

On the left was what looked like the RV camp, a fence halfheartedly swung and Remus peered through; for some reason he was reminded of gypsies. The large vehicles were stationary and looked as if they had been for a long time. The shadings were drawing on the side of the vehicles, shading the tables and chairs placed beneath them. The campers were even decorated. Posters, beadwork, blankets, wind chimes, and other assortment of items. Clotheslines strung taunt, with fabrics fluttering in the breeze.

The RV's seemed to be centered around some form of a courtyard. It had a fountain and bathrooms. Maybe there were public bathrooms or a bathhouse. The RV's had a few feet of space in between each other, with enough for a semblance of a backyard; Remus could see lawn chairs and toys, with a few rubber paddling pools.

It was definably its own community, its residents rooted to where it lived, with clear personalized marks. Remus could almost smell the pack scents now. Gabriel cut the engine, and turned to Remus. Remus tugged his helmet off and looked expectantly at Gabriel.

"Here's how this place works." he started. "These two sides belong to them. The leader lives in the house with his mate and their children. Some of the immediately family live with them, but the rest live on the left. Everyone who has a job commutes to work, but the rest who work at home. They make their own wares, and sell them at fairs, to the Amish that live down the way, and to the tourists. Jewelry, and well…just about anything really. They make a fair living up here. Sometimes they even work farming and carnivals-putting on shows of their own even."

"Like gypsies." Remus blurted out, making Gabriel laugh.

"Sort of, since some of them do move around a lot to put food on the table." Gabriel gestured to the expanse of space, continuing on "This is all theirs, now I've only been here a few times, but from what I can remember behind that hill is an abandoned church. There are some wooded areas that actually taper down to a beach."

"Wow."

"Yeah-I think there's even a cave along the shore, but that could be my imagination."

Remus smiled.

"Before you get carried away, just remember-we're on good terms with this pack. I'll have the tougher job of speaking to leader, but I did get a chance to speak to him on the phone, and they are expecting us. They were even kind enough to let us track the land, with one of their pack of course." Gabriel gave him a piercing look.

"So I'm supposed to go try and track for the murderer with the help of one of their members?"

"Exactly."

"Okay-I play nice, don't embarrass the packs, and track down a killer."

"That's right kid-so no pressure."

The two laughed as they walked up the steps to the oddly shaped house. Remus looked at the peeling paint; it looked like it might have been a yellow before it was painted over with white. It had blue trim, and the wood beneath their feet was cracked, and the porch swing still managed to look sturdy; vines crept over the sides of the house and brushed together with the wind chimes.

Remus let his fingers brush over the slightly heated faux iron railing. He was a step behind Gabriel and he quietly waited behind him as he pounded the large brass knocker. The early morning sun was already starting to get uncomfortable. The two waited for a moment before hear heavy footfalls before the door opened.

A man older that Gabriel appeared, his hair parted back with what was probably difficulty. He had a slight tan and a broad friendly face. His jeans were only slightly rumpled and his shirt was clean.

"You Gabriel from the Maryland pack?" he had a mellow, soothing voice.

"Yes, and this young man with me is Remus."

"Please to meet you." Remus smiled, holding out his hand.

"Well it's good to meet you to kid." Shaking both their hands rapidly. "Come in, come in. Sorry if its messy." He ushered them in. "I'm Charles Stark by the way." he smiled broadly.

The inside was haphazard at best, with various assortment of things tightly weaved around the house. The staircase was a tight right next to the door, and Remus could see the landing from where he stood. The house held all the signs of being lived in by many people all at once for a long time.

"Ah, sit down sit down." Charles ushered them into seats. "I'll go see what Irene is up to." he left for a moment and returned as quickly as he left. "This is my wife Irene Stark." Charles's voice put her on a stage.

"Pleased to meet you." her voice had a soft accent Remus couldn't place.

She was a slightly plump, kind-faced woman with caramel colored hair and sapphire eyes. She shook both their hands and after offering to make them breakfast disappeared into the kitchen.

Remus quietly watched as both leaders began to discuss the situation. He couldn't help comparing the two. Gabriel was definitely the broader of the two, with slender and powerful muscles; he knew that he was even stronger and more impressive in his fur. His blue eyes were as pale as ice chips and could be just as could as them, but at times they could be surprisingly warm.

Charles looked more wiry and slightly darker in tone than Gabriel, and had a more slender face. He didn't look as threatening, but Remus figured he was probably their leader for something; he could see a keen intelligence in his dark green eyes.

Remus could have sworn the two were sizing each other up, but he was too interested in the conversation to see why. It lasted a while more, with the their lists of suspects and events that happened over the last few days. Irene appeared and called them for breakfast, and Remus let his hackles lie flat; the conversation became more relaxed and joking.

Charles led both Gabriel and Remus by the arms as they went back outside and walked across the road to the RV camp. The gate brushed past them and they walked up to the metal steps, and Charles released them for a moment to rap on the metal door.

"Come on out! They're here!" he yelled.

"Hey!" yelled another voice back. " I'm over here." the owner of the voice walked over to them.

The figure came forward, and Remus was genuinely stumped by the appearance. A slender frame, and almost the same height as Vivian. He could have sworn he saw a curve but the baggy mesh short and t-shirt covered any possibility of that. A intricately designed bandana covered the hair, only a few dark strands poked out.

High cheek bones combined with wide, unusual olive green eyes made for a pixyish face. Pert lips that looked rather suspicious at the moment. The biggest difference from Vivian was the tone. Vivian had gently golden skin that never seemed to fade and could shimmer with sun and sweat. This one had the color of a waxed pearl, almost moon colored and looked silky.

"Introduce yourself." Charles chided gently.

"I'm Luka." the voice was rough and Remus was somehow struck by its quality.

"I'm Remus-it's nice to meet you." he extended his hand. Luka grabbed it briefly; grip surprisingly strong for such a small hand. Remus felt bare by the scrutiny Luka gave him, and only letting go of his hand after looking him up and down. Luka gave a nod as Gabriel introduced himself.

"Luka is a fine tracker. Remus'll be just fine." Charles turned to Gabriel "Well we better get started."

"Sounds good. Meet us back here when the sun sets." Gabriel instructed. Remus nodded.

The two watched as the leaders walked off in another direction. Luka yanked on his wrist, pulling him forward.

"Come on."

"Where are we going first?" Remus asked, feeling vaguely annoyed.

Luka pointed to the hill. "We need to check that area before it gets too difficult to do so."

"Oh." Remus fell silent.

The two climbed the hill in silence and continued a steady trek across a well beaten dusty path. Remus could see the dilapidated church Gabriel described. He was a few paces behind Luka, and he sped up to keep his companion less irritated. Once they stood in its shade, Luka moved to an open part of the ruin.

"You want to know what I think." voice lowered from the heat.

"Yes." Remus replied honestly.

"I think you'd be faster on four legs instead of two."

"But what if-"

"Someone sees us?" Luka laughed contemptuously. "This is our land. Nobody comes here but us. Go ahead and change."

Remus shrugged before kicking off his shoes, he could sense Luka's movement of kicking off shoes as well. Remus was pulling off his shirt when he felt fabric brush past his cheek; it was the bandanna, picking it up Remus turned to Luka.

"You want this…back." Remus let the words flop on the floor.

Luka stood, back facing him-in nothing but panties. Shirt and shorts in a forgotten heap on the stone floor. Luka was most definitely…female.

'Very female.' Remus concluded.

Silky, pearl moon skin faintly gleaming with sweat. She didn't look sallow or unhealthy-the color suited her somehow. He could see her curves now-she somehow managed to look girlish and pert but curvy. Slender back, with the spine line visible and soft looking it tapered down to her hips that swelled gracefully, with her deep red cotton panties sheathing her comfortably as her thighs ran in perfect symmetry with slender calves dipping into bell shaped ankles and tiny feet.

Remus watched her shimmy out of her panties, the red material falling down to her ankle.

"Ah!"

She turned to face him, looking impatient but that didn't concern Remus at the moment. He continued to stare, incredulousness outstripping his politeness.

"What?"

"You're a girl." Remus said stupidly.

"Obviously-what'd you think I was." her voice dry.

"Uh…right. Sorry." Remus shook his head.

Luka turned to face him fully. "Well? You ready yet?"

Remus looked at her from head to toe. Without her bandanna, he saw that her hair was a short tousled mahogany that barely reached her nape. It made her high, sharp features and wide eyes fey-like. A slender neck and tiny shoulders at first made her look almost too skinny, but lower down her chest was perky and well shaped. Not noticeably big, but they looked firm and even lower down was her flat stomach, with the tiny dimple of a belly button. Despite the slight showing of her pelvis, her hips held a dangerous sway. Giving her a slightly voluptuous appearance. Her nails were a peach pink, and Remus tried to concentrate on their color. Her eyes fit with her-looking sharp in spirit but physically wide. The expression seemed unfathomable and it made Remus shiver.

Luka arched an eyebrow and he thought she smiled. "Have you never seen a naked bitch before?" she asked.

"Ah well-it would be ungentlemanly to elaborate."

Remus could sworn he heard her say "So boring.", but he didn't try to dwell on that.

"Hurry and change." Luka demanded.

"Yes of course." Remus stammered, wishing the sun would go away.

He shifted with a little bit more difficulty than before. Luka shifted faster than he did, and he was surprised by her appearance. She had white fur, and Remus wanted to marvel at it some more, but they had work to do. They set off at a canter, and Remus inhaled the air sharp and sweet air; he could get Luka's scent properly. It was a spicy, almost meaty scent. It almost made his eyes sting-it cut straight to the senses, but wasn't particularly unpleasant.

The two walked the well known trails, and Luka pointed out specific spots, revealed shortcuts, and even back tracked. He was impressed despite himself at her thoroughness. They raced through the plains, and Luka would stop suddenly to examine something meticulously, making sure Remus had a scent or a landmark memorized; he realized she was trying to get him acquainted with the land.

After hours of tracking, Remus stood next to her, overlooking a far away shoreline. He looked at her, cocking his head. She huffed briefly, before racing down the slope. Remus flew down with her, excited to run. They examined the shoreline and Luka led him to the small networking of caves, combing the insides.

It was dark, and they had no luck inside the caves; Remus still felt curious about them, and he was grateful that Luka let him continue exploring, until she nudged him along. She led him back to the fields and into the thin bands of forests.

Animal spoor littered the ground, and Remus was careful not to disturb the tracks made by others. After yet more hours, Luka nudged him and led Remus to a deep part of the woods, and the trees grew tall and the rocks thick. The shade came down thick, almost like fog and only a single beam on sunlight fell on the ground. Luka trotted past the small rocky outcropping to a tiny rise beside a huge tree. Inside the rise, was water-shaped like a bowl.

Luka slipped into it first, shifting back into her skin quickly. "Come on, this'll cool you off." she gestured for Remus to follow her; she had small wrists.

Remus stepped in, paws first then shifted. He sighed loudly; the water was cool-almost cold since almost no sunlight came down to warm it up. Despite that, it was amazing clear. Luka nodded her head at his reaction. She stretched. Remus avoided looking at her, and the two relaxed in silence.

+

When the two returned, the lights on both sides of the road were lighted and Remus could hear the noise as the pack came to life. Meeting back up with Gabriel and Charles was easy and the four headed back into the house where Irene has prepared dinner, and Remus was slightly surprised that he and Gabriel would end up staying the night in the big house.

As they eat dinner, both sides reported in. Remus was again startled by Luka's efficiency; she was giving blow by blow details and what she gathered from their information. Remus gave input every now and then, and was surprised when Luka actually said he was helpful.

"Since everyone is finished eating, is it all right if I show Remus something?" she asked.

"Sure go right ahead." came Charles's nonplussed answer.

Luka led Remus across the road and she pushed the gate back. Silently, she took him through a tour of the RV camp. More pack members were out now, children shrieking and playing, with their parents occasionally yelling at them to behave. The old women gossiping, and the smells of food in the air. Music was being blared and Remus could even see an elder teaching a little girl how to make jewelry. Lights were strung up around the camp, lighting up laundry lines.

"This is my pack-my home." Luka illustrated with a wave of her hand. "I will protect my people." her voice burned.

Remus nodded rapidly, suddenly in awe.

"I don't appreciate accusations-someone saying a rogue belongs to us."

'Now I understand her attitude. She didn't like the implications of a rogue coming from one of her own.' Remus smiled sadly. "I understand completely. I apologize for offending you. We just wanted to be sure-I know we got off on the wrong foot, after all this is never a pleasant situation, but I want to protect my people too. I imagine I might feel similar if our positions were reversed." This time Remus looked in her eyes and didn't look away.

"My what pretty words you have." she said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Remus hurried abashed, but Luka cut him off laughing. He decided he liked the sound.

"No need to be so polite! You'll get it soon enough."

+

Remus climbed into the covers, and tried to sleep; the guest bedroom was large, but filled with things that created spectacular shadows on the walls. He watched them move with a sleepy curiosity; the stairs creaked heavily and a rich scent came his way. Remus shut his eyes and dozed. The start of dream…

He felt a heavy weight on him, with a bone like grinding against his pelvis. Remus could feel the night's heat encase him, pining him down. He shook his head, trying to ward of the dream. A small spicy, cool breeze fluttered on his face. The grip tightened, and Remus tried to shift, and a sudden push of friction made his eyes open.

Luka was straddling him, she shifted so she was sitting higher. Remus bit his lip to prevent making a sound. Her small hands pinned his wrists by his head in a vice like grip. He could feel the heat radiating off of her.

"I tried to wake you up, but this was the only way to get your attention." she whispered.

"I take it this couldn't wait till morning?"

"No."

"Well then what is it?"

"Do you have any idea who the murderer is?" her eyes sharp, he wondered how she managed to look both child-like and sensual in nothing but a cotton shirt and panties.

"…Not yet."

"Well…keep a sharp eye."

"You woke me up for that?"

"I also woke you up to tell you-" She lean all her weight on top of him, and her breath swirled in his ear "That life burns hot my friend."

She left before he could reply.

+

That morning Remus sat on the back of the motorcycle, waiting for Gabriel to start the engine, he turned to get one last look at the hill and saw Luka at the top of it. When the ignition roared to life, he continued to look back as if she were giving him her blessing.

+

The two roared into town, slowing once they were city limits. Gabriel kept quiet for the most part, and Remus wondered why. They past Rudy's and Remus picked up a familiar scent; Gabriel shifted in his seat to question Remus's sudden wiggling. Remus indicated his head toward Vivian-who was walking the street, and Gabriel slowed his bike to match her pace.

"Hey there." he drawled.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

Remus noticed she was dressed for attention, a red shirt hugged her chest and barely skimmed over her taunt, flat belly. Her legs flashed in the sunlight as her miniskirt occasionally rode up. Her slightly raised flip-flops smacked the pavement like angry applause.

"Headed to that concert I see." Gabriel mused. "I'd give you a ride, but as you can see-I'm all full up."

"I see." all they got was a barely there smile.

Gabriel still slowly moved along at her pace.

"If there's no room-why are you still following me?" she growled deep in irritation.

"To make sure you get defense-someone needs to watch your back." Gabriel reasoned.

"I thought you said I can take care of myself-something I actually agree with you on!" she snapped.

"Not in your frame of mind." he retorted with a seriousness that surprised both Remus and Vivian. "I hear that boy dumped you. Pretty stupid boy if you ask me. So I wouldn't bother with him if I were you." Gabriel continued.

"Gabriel…" Vivian's voice was low in warning.

" He was an idiot if he couldn't see you for you-did he even try to listen to you? You know I would-"

"Would what?!" Remus was taken aback by the sudden loudness.

"Listen to you. I'm actually pretty good at that sort of thing. If you have a problem, you can come to me. I can at least support you while you work it out-since you can do that pretty well on your own." Gabriel concluded and Remus could have sworn he heard admiration in his voice.

"Uh…well-yeah." Vivian deflated from the sudden lack of teasing; Remus wondered if the setting sun was the reason for the redness in Vivian's face. After all, she was directly facing the sun… "Well-did you guys find anything?"

"No-but we'll go to Charleston tomorrow to see if there's any information there."

Gabriel turned into the concert, pulling up into the grass where the audience sat, most of the crowed made way; Remus rolled his eyes at the antics. Vivian moved closer, making Remus suddenly hyper aware; he recognized her expression-she was up to something. She quickly slid next to Gabriel.

"Good luck on your travels…" she trailed off, pressing her lips gently against Gabriel's.

Before either could react, Gabriel pulled Vivian into a crushing embrace. Remus scooted farther on the bike as Gabriel pressed back, creating a deep kiss; Remus blinked in shock and he knew he was blushing. Vivian leaned forward slightly, but suddenly Gabriel broke the kiss off.

"Don't use me." he growled before starting the engine suddenly, and Remus had to hold on tight to stop from falling off-he barely saw Vivian shocked expression.

+

The two walked back to the apartment complex in silence; Remus felt apprehensive about Gabriel's brooding that returned. Gabriel opened the door and tossed their things inside before turning to the apartment across from them and knocking on the door.

Remus was surprised to see Bucky open the door. He looked awful, with a knotted scar on his throat and large circles under his eyes. He paused for a moment before letting them in. His apartment was a mess, not that Remus blamed him.

"Thanks for stopping by." Bucky's voice was hoarse as he put three glasses of beer on the table.

"Not a problem." Gabriel replied smoothly.

"Oh thanks for your help kid." Bucky gave him a significant glance.

"Hm?" Gabriel looked between the two of them.

"He helped me bury Jean after the Ordeal." Bucky supplied.

"That so?" Gabriel looked surprised.

"Yup." Bucky nodded.

"It was no big deal. I was happy to do it." Remus smiled sadly, and Gabriel squeezed his shoulder briefly.

Bucky took a swig from his beer and Gabriel followed suit; Remus just sipped his. The tiny kitchen was quiet except for the occasional buzz from the refrigerator. Each man seemed to be lost in his own thoughts-

"Does it always end badly?" Remus spoke up suddenly.

"Does what?"

"That whenever a relationship between wolf-kind and humans. With me, Vivian, and probably you too, and a bunch of other people in the pack too." Remus mused, his voice getting dark.

Gabriel thought for a moment "…Well it reminds me of what Ivan, the previous leader said once. 'We can live in peace as long as we keep to ourselves.' I can't help but think he was right sometimes, but it'd look odd if we didn't mix occasionally."

"So if that's true, they why the…desire to be around them?" What was the point? Remus frowned.

"Because they can't change." Gabriel explained, seeing Remus's confused expression. "We feel more powerful over them because we are physically stronger, and its very easy to overpower them. It's exciting to dominate them. But other times, there are just some that you'd love to protect. It can be a big ego trip."

"But-what if that isn't the case?" Remus asked, desperate for another answer. "If say, they were just your friends-that they made your life bearable-"he cut himself off again.

"Remus." Gabriel started, putting his hands on his shoulders. "You don't have to talk about this right now if you don't want to."

"N-no its fine. I just didn't think that it would happen-"

"That once you revealed yourself, they'd reject you?" Gabriel suddenly looked old, as if he heard this more than he'd like.

Remus shook his head "No…actually they figured it out for themselves. Except that they didn't running screaming."

"Oh?" Gabriel leaned forward.

"Yeah…they uh-included me. It was great. The first friends I ever had really."

"And then it all went to hell I'm guessing?" Gabriel quietly surmised.

"Pretty much." Remus looked down "I know about the double edge, and how we are what we are no matter what-but those deaths; does that mean we are monsters?"

"I'd like to think that that isn't true, and sometimes I think we are luckier than humans. We have a way to purge that violence out of us, sometimes we can't do it and can loose our minds-but I won't let that happen to anyone in our pack-or you." Remus looked up in surprise. "Humans don't have a way to give a safe voice to the violence deep inside them-if they don't find someway-then it warps them until they become monsters.

"So really, its all relative?"

"I suppose you could say that."

"So what about humans that know about us? What happens to them?" Remus pictured Greyback.

"Pray that never happens Remus-then they would try to kill us all." Remus shuddered, and Gabriel continued "which is why we have to stop this murderer-they are endangering the pack. We'll all be killed by humans if that secret ever got out."

Remus nodded-he knew all too well about that. The Wizarding World feared and despised werewolves, and Remus could never get passed the fear to feel indignation. He kept envisioning Greyback, and they way he spoke, the way he moved; that one hated wizards-

'And maybe he has a right to. After all, who gives them the right to treat others so badly. What about House-elves, one of the most docile creatures in the world and wizards treat them lower than dirt. So their not exactly unbiased.'

'But at the same time, they are people too…no one should hurt another just because they are different. Sadly, I know all too well the world doesn't work that way. What would happen to all those people if Greyback decided that revenge was the best course of action? How much carnage? '

'But what can I do? I can barely help catch a murderer within the pack-I need to do something about that. After all, I'm right here.'

Remus nodded, and he had to ask Gabriel a question-to confirm something.

"Hypothetically speaking, what if humans did find out about us. Say the most horrible things happened, and everything was awful for us and our lives were just miserable. We'll get mistreated in everyway; everyone fears and despises us. It'll be almost like be lower than a second class citizen. But what if someone got tired of it, and wanted revenge-they attacked everybody, and just tried to create chaos because they were so angry and just wanted to get rid of those humans.

Gabriel looked quietly astonished, but he sat calmly; Remus could see him forming the response. "Well I'm grateful this is only hypothetical, but that person doesn't sound very smart. Creating chaos wouldn't do anything except make the conflict worse. He sounds selfish, he's really just hurting the people he'd try to protect-if that goal even crossed his mind at all. It's why we have to protect our secret-to prevent them from destroying us-we have to live side by side, it's the only way we can live. That's why I believe Ivan was right." he concluded, and Remus felt a huge weight fall from his shoulders.

"I heard Ivan was a good man."

Gabriel smiled. "He was."

+

The motorcycle idled in the parking lot in Charleston. The apartment complex looked deserted, with only a couple of cars in the lot. They had been waiting for at least an hour for the Charleston pack to show, and Remus shifted slightly; he didn't want to start fidgeting like a child, but he knew what he wanted to say, and he hoped it wouldn't sound sentimental. He tugged on Gabriel's jacket.

"Hm? What is it Kid?" Gabriel asked, turning fractionally in his seat.

"Whatever happens, you're a good leader." Remus sounded firm.

"Thank you. I'll make sure your faith in me won't be wasted. I'll give you and Vivian a safe home." determination made his stance rigid.

"Well of course-you love her." Remus grinned cheekily, relieved that their serious moment was over and the air was clear. "I know you do." Remus didn't understand why he couldn't have seen it sooner.

"That obvious huh?" Gabriel laughed. "Course that goes for you too now-"

"I guess so-" Remus could feel the heat on his face. "But it's different, besides it's cool since I like both of you guys." he cheerfully added.

Gabriel paused for a moment, before adding "Okay then-but what about that girl from the Pennsylvania pack? Her name was Luka right?" He teased. "She was cute."

"Pffffffft-that'll never happen."

"Well, if you couldn't even figure out that she was girl…" Gabriel trailed off suggestively.

"Wait?! Who told you that?!"

"Luka."

"What?!"

The two ribbed each other until the Charleston wolves showed up.

+

"Better go tell Rudy Charleston was a bust?" Remus questioned.

"Yes." Gabriel yelled over the engine.

The drive through Riverview was slow going with traffic and when Gabriel parked, Tomas ran into him and went off down the road. Remus dismounted and saw why. A police car was parked in the driveway.


	17. Innermost Feelings

Remus and Gabriel waited for the officers to enter first before quietly following them in. The male officer raised his eyebrow, somehow managing to look displeased with that action alone. Remus smiled politely at them before helping himself to a seat in the parlor.

The female officer turned to Vivian. "Are you Vivian Gandillon?"

"Yes." her voice came out in a squeak.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Ok-shoot!" her voice soundly oddly chipper; Remus winced.

He went into the kitchen for coffee and pretended not to listen to the officers; he didn't like their voices. They were too unpleasant sounding. Remus smelled the nervousness on Vivian-where it was strongest out of all the wolves in the room.

They police left quick enough as soon as Gabriel created an alibi. Remus jumped as soon as he heard Esme''s angry shrieks, then Gabriel's low voice commanding her to call Bucky. Remus turned to watch Gabriel rattle Esme' without moving a muscle. She grabbed the cordless and dialed in another room and Vivian and Gabriel struck up a conversation-Remus just listened-it was basically the same thing Gabriel said to him about humans; Rudy's truck pulled into the drive, his footsteps quick and jittery. Yanking open the door he called: 

"Where's Gabriel?"

"In the kitchen." Gabriel yelled back.

Rudy nodded at the three in the kitchen before addressing Gabriel.

"Another one was murdered." her face drawn and grey. "Remember the biker from Tooley's-Skull was it?"

"Well that confirms one thing-the rogue is from our pack. I'm calling a meeting here tonight. Its time we settled this."

The parlor and kitchen were full of pack, the room anxious wolves. The charged air seemed to clear the summer's stifling heat. Gabriel created a system to catch the murderers in the act. Pack members were paired together and were meant to patrol the various parts of town, changing in shifts. The partners were paired up by how well they knew each other.

"This way-covering for friends will be minimal, and it will establish alibi's for people when they are with others who don't know each other well. The base of operations will be at my place. Aunt Persia's will be a place to rest while waiting for your patrol shift to start. If anyone gets into trouble, howl for assistance." Gabriel surveyed the crowed before continuing.

"Astrid, if you still need time to recover, then go help Jenny Garnier baby-sit. Willem and Vivian, Bucky and Tomas, Rafe and Ulf, Gregory and Finn, Lucien and Remus…" The list went further down.

"Gregory and Finn, you'll have a first shift with me-you two will not leave my sight understand? Esme', you'll take first shift with your partner and then Bucky and Tomas will take over for second shift. Rafe and Ulf will take the secondary second shift. Lucien and Remus-you two'll take the third shift, and then Vivian and Willem will take the secondary patrol on the opposite side.

Vivian eyed the scene warily, looking as worn out as Remus had ever seen her. He noticed where her gaze drifted to.

"Don't worry-it's not Bucky."

Vivian just nodded, almost looking like she wanted to bite back a laugh. "He's right through, we could end up taking the problem with us if we're not careful."

Remus just nodded as Orlando cleared his throat.

"It is time for the next order of business." he called out.

"Yes." Gabriel agreed. "It is crucial that the we leave as soon as possible. We don't know how much the police know, but I know everyone remembers the informant who gave the tip that the murders were the work of werewolves."

Remus shuddered violently; he didn't remember hearing this. It must have slipped his mind. He turned to look at Vivian-she was just as drawn as he was.

"I have looked at several pieces of property that will fit our needs-I plan our visiting them and make the decision soon."

"We have to leave so suddenly…" Renata spoke up.

"Well who would willingly pass information?" cried her husband.

"Exactly-selling out one of our own for one of them." Lucien sneered.

"Well the more someone hangs out with meat people…" Astrid tossed her head.

"Enough of that." Rudy called warily.

Remus shared a glance with Vivian; the pack was still divided, apparently it would take more than a leader to bring them together-the murderer was still bringing chaos back with them. Vivian seemed to wilt by his side, and Remus felt his worry increase. He couldn't help but realize that the necklace Aiden gave her was gone.

The meeting was over, the pack dispersed and those with first shifts walked off to their patrol points. His didn't begin until one, the same time as Willem and Vivian's, but he left, promising to return later. Remus watched as Vivian stepped outside and felt a thrill of nervousness as he looked at the emptying parlor.

The door slammed and Remus watched Vivian walked back in, eyes glazed. He sat up and touched her shoulder.

"What's going on?" he asked, watching her start slightly.

"Remus. No matter what happens-protect the pack." as quick as that, she bolted up to her room.

Lucien and Remus's shift went by without incident; Remus couldn't relax, Vivian's ominous plea rang in his ears made his hackles rise. Lucian's grousing just made Remus even more irritable. Time seemed to inch along like a worm, and Remus breathed in the damp air.

Remus walked Lucien back to Aunt Persia's as soon as their shift ended and Remus set a brisk pace back towards Rudy's, the smells of the street seemed magnified and Remus was hyper alert, his muscles tensed. Familiar scents briefly filled the air: Astrid. Remus jumped and nearly froze in place-Astrid, Rafe, and Quince?! was right across the street from him. He swerved behind a wall, peeking out. She was walking confidently. The two boys following obediently. Quince smelled of fear and arousal.

'With no Jenny Garnier in sight-how'd she manage to ditch her? What's Astrid playing at-she looks like she's heading home.'

Remus trailed after her, trying to making as little noise as possible and to try and follow Luka's advice on tracking. He let them slip out of his sight for a few blocks before following her scent and repeating the process. Her small house suddenly looked very imposing. He watched as she sauntered inside and let the front door slam behind her. Rafe yanked the door open and pushed a frightened looking Quince inside.

Remus waited for a moment before doubling back slightly, crossing the street at the corner and running into the backyards. Astrid had a backdoor; Remus walked to it, and quietly tried to open it-locked. Remus unsheathed his claws, letting the sharp points pierce the inside of the keyhole. After a few more tries, it gave way with a faint click and Remus stepped inside. He was in the laundry room, the door open a crack. He peeked through the crack-Astrid preened on her sofa, letting the two males stand.

"Would you like a drink?" she crooned at Quince.

"U-um, P-p-please."

Astrid stood up and strode over to the stammering boy. She wrapped her arms around him and he nearly dissolved. "What would you like?"

"A-an-anything's fine." he squeaked out.

"Be right back." she shoved him onto a seat, and put sway in her hips as she went into the kitchen. "Oh Rafe-be a dear and grab that laundry out of the laundry room would you?"

"Got it." Rafe moved to the room.

Remus scurried out of the way, hiding behind the door. Rafe swung the door open, nearly crushing Remus with it. Quietly, he looked over at the object Rafe was carrying. It was a large rolled up carpet; he struggled to carry it by himself, and Remus grimaced as it narrowly missed his face. He could hear Rafe grunting with the effort of carrying it, and then he heard the thump as Rafe dropped it on the floor.

"Pick out some music." he commanded to Quince. "That's some good shit your eyeing'."

Remus listened, both panicked and angry; Rafe was toying with Quince, "helping" him pick a CD, and Remus tried to think how he could get out of the laundry room without getting Quince killed. Remus could hear the faint kitchen sounds as Astrid created a symphony of clinking glasses and ice.

"Um…where's the bathroom?" Quince asked in a wavering voice.

"Ah, here man, I'll show you." Rafe was grinning. Remus ducked out of sight as the two boys past him.

It was now or never. Remus made a quick scan before taking a left and deftly running up the soft carpeted stairs. He saw the small landing and a room with the door opened slightly. It was unlighted, except he thought he saw a flashlight halo. Remus didn't care-he ran in and knocked into-

"Ah-owww." a slightly higher pitcher with a light wheeze. Ulf.

"Ulf." Remus whispered in shock.

"Remus-what the hell!" Remus clamped a hand over Ulf's mouth.

"Hang on a minute-your mom and Rafe are downstairs with a meat-err….Quince." At Ulf's confused look, he continued "A friend of Viv's meat-boy. Now, you aren't going to make a sound are you? I promise I won't hurt you."

Ulf nodded. "What's going on..?" he whispered, suspicious.

Remus was about to reply except they heard the loud clatter of a tray. Remus indicated for Ulf to follow him. The two scooted on their bellies down to the landing, their heads hidden by the sharp turning angle of the banisters. They could see the downstairs clearly. Astrid and Rafe were both standing on either side of Quince. Astrid pressed herself against the boy, ignoring the slight irritation on Rafe's face.

She let her fingers brush against his cheeks and trail down to his neck. Quince flushed but she didn't stop-she raised her fingers to the sides of his neck so only the barest hint of her fingertips grazed his skin. Suddenly, she let her claws shot out-piercing Quince in the neck, killing him instantly. Remus could feel Ulf jump beside him; he was unable to tear away from the body, and his ears strained to catch what Rafe was saying as he rifled the dead boy's pockets. Remus shuddered as the music blared off the stereo;he'd never listen to that song again.

Remus shivered as he heard Rafe's words: "Hey-lets get there at two. I dun wanna be late." The implication hit him hard; if Quince was targeted, a friend of Aiden's then-

"Well alright-you just have to help me with this." Astrid replied, gesturing to the carpet.

Remus turned to Ulf, who was shaking so bad his teeth were chattering. Remus held him still, and rubbed his shoulder.

"Do they know you're here?" Remus questioned softly over the loud exertions with the carpet.

Ulf shook his head.

"Well it looks like we have our killer-"Remus replied softly, wincing at Ulf's sharp intake of breath. "Go get Gabriel.-I'll see If I can distract them until he gets here." Remus commanded.

Ulf looked at him with wide pleading eyes-"She's my mother-I-"

"The pack-"

"No! You don't understand!"

"Listen-No, you listen-Vivian is in danger!" Ulf's eyes widened. "You have to get Gabriel and tell him what happened. Does anyone else from the Five know about Rafe and Astrid's plans?"

"No-Rafe never said nothing'!"

"Okay then-maybe you can get some of the Five to help, right? I think Finn and Greg are still with him. Find them-tell Gabriel Vivian needs help! I'll hold these two off."

"Remus…""Just go-I'll catch up."

Ulf looked back once before sliding open his window and jumping down it. Remus looked back to see Ulf running in the direction of Willem's house. He turned back to the landing and taking a deep breath, he climbed the banister-feet wobbling as he struggled momentarily to gain balance. He could see the pair of them carrying the rug, nearly at the door. Remus leapt down-his impact loud, making objects fall to the ground. Astrid and Rafe dropped the carpet it shock.

"What the hell?! How'd you get in here?!" Rafe yelled, and Astrid just bared her teeth.

"Busted." Remus grinned.

"You little shit-" screamed Rafe, lunging for him.

"You take care of this, I'll meet you there." Astrid called, dragging the rolling carpet out the door.

"Finally-I get to kick your ass!"

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." Remus replied, low and cool.

Rafe snarled, Remus crouching low. He concentrated, letting the strength come into his muscles and he shook from the energy. Rafe lunged, his teeth sharper than before. Remus dodged, throwing punch that landed in Rafe's shoulder. Remus bared his teeth and the two warily circled each other. Rafe let his muzzled grow, he feinted, hitting Remus in the side and biting his arm. Remus yelled, growing out his claws and punching Rafe repeatedly in the face. Rafe shot out an arm, pinning Remus to a wall; Remus was lifted clear off the floor as Rafe kept one large fist around Remus's neck. Remus wriggled and managed to kick Rafe in the jaw. Yelling, Rafe threw Remus into the opposite wall.

Rafe ran to the doors and locked them behind him, trapping Remus inside. "Later loser!" he screamed.

Remus slammed his fist into the floor. Picking himself up Remus ran to the door, rattling the door knob. Then he kicked it, repeatedly-then he ran, slamming his entire weight on the door.

'Dammit! I'm I really this weak?! This can't be all there is to me. I'm not going to letting someone else die because of me! I won't go through that again!' Remus punched the glass-it spider webbed and he hit it again, ignoring the bloodied knuckles, and on the third hit, the glass finally gave way. Remus crawled through the window, landing clumsily on the hedge bushes. He picked himself up, feeling fresh blood wet and cool on his skin. He hurried after Rafe and Astrid-their scents still sharp and memorable.

Remus concentrated hard, trying to shift forms, but it was difficult. The familiar old pain he hadn't felt since winter break was cropping up, blocking the process; his frustration climbed.

'What-your afraid of pain-so you'll let them die?!' he screamed at himself. 'You just said you wouldn't let someone die because of you-the whomping willow flashed briefly in his mind. 'Was that all talk?! Are you really that afraid of pain-that you'll resist a transformation.' Remus ran, his feet heavy and sluggish. "Come on!" he yelled.

'What are you so afraid of!?' Trying to concentrate, the spine's crunch making him feel sick, and he was unable to continue. 'No! someone you really care about is going to die and your afraid of what people thousands of miles away think?! Is that it-afraid to be different?! Are you such a coward?!' "D-damn…" Remus growled, his body heavy; spots were making it hard to see. 'Your afraid-to afraid to go forward!'

"Because it hurts!" He screamed.

'What does?'

"Everything!" he felt on the verge of collapse.

'You know what I'm talking about-I know you do-Its right there!'

"Gahh!" he fell, still struggling. "Oh God!"

'Shut up! You know that never works-come on-tell me what hurts-SAY IT!'

"They didn't-its different." He gritted his teeth.

'What's different? Werewolf? Wolf-kind-Loups Garoux? Yes there are differences-those aren't important right now-you have a job to do-duty!'

"Yes it is!It does matter- it nearly killed someone and-he-and he didn't-!"

'Who-didn't what?'

"Care!"

'Come on who-you know who it is-say it!'

"Not all of them. Peter and James weren't as bad-didn't-but he. It felt like-"

'Betrayal-don't be afraid. Its what you told Viv-come on, say it. Say his name.'

"AGWWAGGHH!" Remus struggled on the ground, pushing the change and getting rejected; pain everywhere. "He was-uurgggggh-Si-Sir-" sputum shot out between clenched teeth, and he tried to stop the screams.

'You know who it is-say his name. SAY HIS NAME!'

"Siri-hhhhhhhgnnnnnn! Siri…Sssssriiiu-S-Sirius! Sirius-Sirius Black! Sirius Black you betrayed me!" he screamed into the sky.

'Right and you know why-lets move forward. No more fear-your fear will kill your pack! Get your ass in gear-its your pack-the people you care about!'

"R-right! Viv wanted me to protect the pack no matter what-gotta-come on! Change! Change Dammit! That's my pack!" he shouted, rising shakily to his feet.

'Come on! LET' S GO-Protect the pack! That's the future!'

Remus's scream became a howl: the floodgates opened. He jumped up-leaping into the air-boy one instant-wolf the other.

He thundered past on paws, feeling the Earth below him and the wind flying past his muzzle and the light from the slender moon shining on his back. The scent of the others. Astrid and Rafe were on one side, Gabriel and Vivian on the other-they would meet headway. The Five scattered about. The four of them were going to the rocks by the river near Vivian's house. He hoped they made it in time. He growled, the fear scent of a human-Aiden was nearing. He was there too-now more pieces of the puzzle fit together.

He raced forward, his legs never felt stronger or faster; catching up. Remus fanned out, going across from Astrid, letting Rafe catch up. The two slowed down. Remus saw why and he suppressed a growl of anxiety-Aiden, reeking of terror and despair was pointing a gun at a equal saddened Vivian. Remus could hear him-

"I've come to free you from your burden."

"Oh Aiden…"


	18. Unfulfilled Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence

Remus crouched, waiting to spring on Astrid and Rafe; the two were hiding behind the rocks and Remus crouched lower in the river, hiding his scent. Each wolf was watching the drama play out between Aiden and Vivian.

"I know how to use this." Aiden gestured with the gun.

"Are you sure?" Vivian's voice dragged.

"Yeah-guess Dad's lessons will pay off after all." He sounded on the verge of tears.

"Please don't do this-you have no idea what's going on-I'm not the murderer."

"Of course you are! What else could-" The rest of words trailed away; a sound made both of them turn their heads. Astrid and Rafe slunk out from their hiding place.

Aiden's face changed from disbelief, to pure horror; his eyes widened as he watched the pair change then stop in mid shift. Their pelts melding with their hair, and Astrid had more mouth than Rafe. Rafe was more hunched over, his claws jagged and his red eyes had a cruel streak to them. Astrid still swaggered, her woman's curves still there, with her tail swaying like a cobra.

"See-I'm not the one you need to worry about." Vivian's voice shook.

"Yeah I can see that now." Aiden's finger's shook.

"Whatever you do, don't run-if you can't get fast shots, then just stay behind me. I'll protect to."

"That's a laugh!" barked Rafe. "Stupid shit was about to kill you-why protect a meat-boy?" he laughed derisively.

"You won't be able to do anything. I'll just kill you-it'll be easy to prove that you were responsible for the murders." Astrid boasted.

"That why you set me up? It'd be easy?" Vivian almost resembled Gabriel.

Astrid laughed, high and hysterical. 'Oh no. no no no no. I just hate you so much. I was this close to getting Gabriel-this close to being Queen Bitch. Then you and that slutty mother of yours had to ruin it all. Selfish bitch." she spat.

"I'm selfish?!-you nearly tore our pack apart!" Vivian shouted.

"Wait…wait. What about me?" Rafe piped up.

"You'll get your chance." Astrid snapped absent mindedly.

Rafe still looked unsure, and Vivian moved closer to Aiden- "Now-while their distracted." Vivian rushed at Astrid, who rolled aside and yelled at Rafe.

Rafe snarled, pinning Aiden down, his fangs gleaming on his throat. Sweat poured down Aiden; he was rank with fear, his youthful face looking misshapen in the moonlight.

"Ah-ah ah." Astrid waved a furred finger at Vivian. "One wrong move, and bye bye meat-boy."

"Aiden…" pained, Vivian turned her gaze away from Aiden to Astrid. "You bitch." she snarled livid "I will kill you if you touch him."

"Just try it little girl-your not bitch enough to handle it." Astrid sneered, and tiled her head-a signal to kill Aiden.

"No!" screamed Vivian; the lunged, but in her human form she wasn't a match for Astrid. She was tossed aside like a rag doll.

Remus knew it was time to come in; he leapt from his water hiding place, springing into the air and crashed on top of Rafe, snarling loudly.

"Remus?! Where'd you come from?!" he heard Vivian yell.

Remus was clawing into Rafe, as the two went tussling in ground. Remus kicked with all his strength, and flipped Rafe and bit his stomach and he barely tasted blood before he was shook violently by the neck. Remus feinted to the side, avoiding the vicious claw swipes; he could vaguely hear Vivian shouting: "Don't shoot! Its Remus-don't shoot!" Rafe's teeth grazed his muzzle, and Remus jostled him back kicking and whirling. Their snarls were deep and the area was loud with the sounds of fighting; Vivian had changed, the two females charging at each other-coming up all teeth and claws. He hoped Vivian would win.

Rafe made a lunge for Aiden, but Remus blocked him and crouched low; he sprung up and then the two whirled, facing each other over and over-their strikes blurring, fangs brushing and snapping in close quarters before spring apart and circling. Rafe went for his legs, his teeth glancing on bone and Remus put his weight on Rafe and bit into the base of his tail. Rafe yowled, letting go and went for the face. Remus rose up on his hind legs, snarling and Rafe crouched before springing, claws pricking the stomach and jaws clamping down on his throat. Remus writhed, trying to free himself and he turned, feeling the press of his windpipe tightening. Remus choked, and clamped jaws tight on Rafe's muzzle. The sound of snarling reverberated in Remus's ears. The world was curling in on itself, and Rafe was the only presence he could detect-the idea of it made him sick. Remus latched his claws into Rafe, feeling them sink into flesh. The two tried to shake each other as they pressed closer together.

Remus felt the shot before he heard it. The vibration erupted like a volcano-the heat spreading and he could the burning radiating from out of Rafe's fur. Some bits of fur were smoking slightly; Remus could smell charred flesh. Rafe still clung on, growling feebly; Blood ran down hot sticking to both wolves. It spread, darkening Remus's light pelt. Remus unwittingly stared into Rafe's eyes. They were full of hate and Remus couldn't tear away from them as they quickly began to glaze over.

Rafe slumped for a moment and his grip slackened, and his jaws left Remus's throat and fell to ground, hitting the turf like sodden meat. Remus panted, taking in great gulps of air and his vision cleared. Remus stared at the body of Rafe and saw what killed him. A bullet to the chest. He kicked suddenly and Remus jumped. Rafe shifted back into a human, his eyes still wide open. He was dead.

Remus turned his gaze to Aiden, who still held the gun in a firing position. The barrel was smoking slightly. Remus felt a little sick from the fact that Aiden had killed. The boy still stank of fear, but his eyes didn't look as hysterical as they could have been. He realized the gun was still pointing at him, and Remus had to compliment him that he was at least brave enough to not run way, or he could have just been frozen with fear, Remus reasoned.

He whined, trying to look appeasing, and he lowered to the ground and moved slowly; Aiden started violently and put a firmer grip on the gun. He looked desprate, as if begging not to shoot and he was the one holding the gun; Remus saw the salty tears pour down his pale face-he looked so vulnerable and boneless. Moving slowly, Remus backed off and made it clear he wouldn't move; he could made a deliberate show of watching Vivian and Astrid's fight. He could still feel Aiden's gaze on him as he looked out of the corner of his eye. The boy was trying hard not to moved as he attention span was fighting to keep track of too many things that could possibly kill him. He whimpered when the two females attacked each other, flinching at their snarls; Remus could feel nothing but pity for him.

Remus continued to watch the fight, longing to join in but he had to make sure Aiden wouldn't get hurt-or hurt one of them. Besides, from the looks of it, Vivian was having the advantage. She was snarling like she swallowed thunder, bearing down on Astrid and shaking her. The red bitch was screaming, and her remaining eye rolled wildly in its socket. The ground shook suddenly and Remus perked up 'The cavalry is here!'

Remus could smell Gabriel and the others; he tore the two females loose.

"Justice is mine to mete out!" he roared, pushed them both apart. The pack appeared, fanning out. Some were on four legs, others on two. Their eyes glowed, their fangs gleaming inside parted jaws. Some were growling, others just silently walked forward.

He turned to Astrid, the full fire of his gaze directed on her. "You have made it clear what you are. You have killed humans for pleasure-tormented one of your own, willing to disregard your own kind. That which is family-you have become a danger to this pack." He gripped her tight. "We have no jailers, no prisons-this is the only sentence." He snapped Astrid's neck. He looked over the faces of the pack-some in fur others not. "This is the Law."

"This is the Law." the pack recited back.

Remus felt a tremor go through him; he didn't see any form of pleasure on Gabriel's face when he snapped Astrid's neck; he was ready to take on the burden of leadership. Remus took a deep breath as he took in the sights. Finn and Willem comforting the crying Ulf, the howling wolves, and Gabriel looking at all the pack members. Remus met Gabriel's gaze. Gabriel gave him a nod, and he felt his heart swell with pride.

A sudden retching made Remus turn his attention to the noise. Aiden was on his hands and knees, moved open and eyes wide; the smell of fear and the acrid tang of vomit and tears. His hand cradling the gun like a mother with a child.

"Oh…Aiden." Remus heard Vivian murmur.

At the mention of his name, Aiden looked wildly around; his eyes looked too bright. His eyes were traveling all around the wolves that had formed a rough semi circle around the area, He was shivering and his teeth were chattering. Vivian approached him, sadness made the gold in her eyes shimmer.

"It's alright now, you won't be harmed-its safe to leave." her voice was soothing.

Aiden still shook, and Gabriel walked forward and extended a hand to pull Aiden up. His eyes widened as he lifted the gun, arm wild as he fired. Vivian rushed past, blocking Gabriel. The shot rang out. Esme screamed as Vivian flew backwards with her eyes looking skyward. Gabriel's sudden stricken face, and Remus moved closer. Both managed to catch her. Cradling her, Remus could see her search out for Gabriel.

"Let…him go…"Vivian choked out.

Gabriel bent down. "Alright."

Gabriel stood up, holding out both of his hands. Moving slowly towards Aiden he spoke slowly.

"Everyone stay back-" The pack moved back, nervous. Gabriel's hands served as a barrier between the anxious pack and Aiden. "Listen boy-there are more of us than you will ever know. If we find out you've told anyone about us, I swear I will show you no mercy. Go-you'll have safe passage." To the rest of the pack he called out- "Make a path!"

"Please…" Aiden called out softly…"Please let me know if she'll be okay."

"If she dies, you will know." Gabriel growled finally.

"Tell her I'm sorry." He whispered, before running into the darkness and out of their lives forever.

"Oh what have I done?" came Vivian's pained whisper below him. Remus looked at Aiden's disappearing form, and he felt that a part of him was leaving too.

He felt Gabriel's hand on his shoulder. It felt like being shaken awake, he looked up to meet Gabriel's eyes. There was concern, reassurance, determination, and he gently moved Remus to the side. Aunt Persia was murmuring gently to Vivian, her bag lying faithfully by her side.

Remus could smell Vivian's blood splitting the air, pooling onto the ground and sticking in her fur. He wrinkled his nose, grimacing as Aunt Persia deftly dug into Vivian's flesh, managing to grasp the steaming bullet out of her shoulder. She put the bullet in small container, before reaching for bandages.

"Here-apply pressure." she told him, helping Remus apply the bandages onto Vivian's shoulder.

Remus pressed down, watching as Gabriel soothed her. He winced as Vivian groaned. Gabriel looked at both of them, and spoke reassuring-to who Remus didn't know.

"My darling, please choose one form-it'll help you heal faster." Aunt Persia softly urged.

Remus brushed a strand of hair out of Vivian's face as she concentrated to shift; he recognized the pain that etched on her face, and his body twitched in sympathy. It was the pain he felt before he met them. She panted in exhaustion as she couldn't shift. Somehow, she had gotten stuck in-between.

+

Remus watched as Gabriel and Bucky carried Vivian back to her room, with Aunt Persia giving instructions and Esme' anxiously trailing behind. Remus waited for them to finish; he'd visit Vivian a bit later, but he wanted to ask Gabriel something first. As the excitement from that night wore out, the more menial tasks increased. Astrid and Rafe got buried by the rocks they died at, and since no authorities were called-as usual-it had to be done quickly. Remus sat down when he got the chance, waiting for when Gabriel would have time. Remus ended up falling asleep on the couch.

He was shaken awake by Gabriel. Rubbing his eyes, Remus tried to avoid sunlight.

"Sorry about making you wait."

"How'd you know?"

"You kept hovering around."

"Oh-sorry."

"No big deal. So what's on your mind?"

"Well when you had told both me and Vivian about humans…you knew. What would happen-in a sense-So. So why did you let her go through all that if you knew how it would turn out?!"

"Would she have listened?" Gabriel paused for a moment? "Or you? Whatever happened to you before you came here-would what I had to say would have reached you…?"

"….Probably not." a sad thought came to him suddenly. "But no one for you right?"

"Hm?"

"No one to tell you to listen to-how else did you learn it before we did."

"Good point-but I'm a hands on kinda guy."

"I can see that."

+

Vivian was still stuck, and no one's attempts could get through to her-Remus wasn't sure how he could help, but then he remembered Gabriel's advice. It seemed she would have to have the strength to do it on her own, or at the very least, he wasn't the one who could help her.

Remus took a shaky breath-he knew there was a decision he had to make-and the pain was definitely there and it wouldn't go away. Now that they had come to the surface, it wouldn't go back to where they had come from. They wouldn't be pushed away. He sat down, looking around him to see the street and the people who walked down it. Some were pack, others were not.

Looking up at the sky, he found it easy to imagine that he was living in a different world.

'But I'm not.' he reminded himself. 'I'm here now, and that can't change.' Remus looked towards Vivian's window; she hadn't come out yet, even though her shoulder was healing nicely.

'If I had stayed at Hogwarts would I have ended up in the same position as Vivian?' he shuddered. 'Would that have happened to me-did I try to do something I couldn't achieve? Playing human-I guess we really too different. It's odd how things turn out-if I had stayed what would have happened? I suppose I did run away deliberately-' Remus flinched. 'No-that's over and done with. It won't go away by not thinking about it. If James hadn't come to save Severus-well he probably would have died. If only-' He stopped for a moment-'If only Sirius hadn't done that-well he did. Even though-'

It hurt 'It does hurt-no matter how much I want to deny it. He hurt me and I didn't see it coming. He should have known better-but he didn't-now that changes everything.' Blinking, he looked away from Vivian's window 'I can't change the way things are. Aiden said he loved her, but he shot Viv. What could have happened to her if she lived in the Wizarding world-well that's pretty obvious. I don't think that'll ever change. Even muggles would react like Wizards would and they think we're legends.' another thought came to him 'I wonder if all that could be changed-as if I could change the way they think. Is that a responsibility of mine-for the good of the rest of wolf-kind, I should go back to try and make life better for them, or is that just an ideal that I wouldn't be able to make reality? Or maybe they have to their own lives better-I'm glad that there are muggle werewolves-wolf-kind. At least they didn't have to deal with it so much.' Remus turned back to the house. 'But these guys…the pack. If I can't change the world.' Remus felt a crushing disappointment. He knew the feeling already but it seemed magnified now. 'I can't change the world…but maybe I can change mine.' Remus looked skyward.


	19. Endless Feelings

Remus climbed Vivian's roof with the Five; they were friendlier to him now. It seemed that Rafe's death had changed them; a toxin had been purged from them and released from its grip, they began to act like themselves again. They were all half changed-a way to support Vivian . It had been a couple weeks, and she hadn't left her room since.

Remus followed the Five as they went around, borrowing CD's for 'werewolf' songs, singing the night away and hoping Vivian would come out to listen. Remus just hoped for a smile, or the boldness to come back to light a match in her eyes.

It seemed that no one could reach her. Not the Five, not him, not Esme'-who was nearly preoccupied with her new lover Tomas (Remus ended up sharing a room with him), and most of all Gabriel was turned away from Vivian's closed door.

Gabriel finally bought the property that would be their new home. It was in Vermont, containing an inn and land next to the Green Mountain Nation Forest. It was where the future awaited them. Remus let his feelings course through him; he was scared and excited. A choice was demanding to be made, and he knew whichever one he chose would change everything forever.

He wondered what was going through Vivian's mind-he had an idea, but he didn't want to pressure her. 'Its not up to me to help her, she has to make her own decisions, but that is what she and Gabriel have been letting me do this whole time. I was never forced to stay. They have helped me out-I should to the same, not just or only because she is pack, but also because she is Vivian.' He thought as he sat on her roof. Rapping on the windowpane before speaking, he made himself comfortable.

"Viv? It's Remus. You don't have to talk-just hear me out. I'll be done in a sec. You guys gave me something. Something that I didn't quite understand, but what I needed. Things have happened to me-and I can't help how I feel, even if those feelings scare me. Or the directions in life I could take. We both have a choice to make-it'll be tough, and I am scared to make it-but its time to move on-and I just want you to know that. It'll be okay."

Remus quickly left looking for Gabriel. He found him rather easily, and Remus fell in step next to him.

"How's it going?"

"Not to bad-you? Decided what you'll do yet?" Gabriel asked.

"How'd you figure that?"

"Well I've been waiting for you to make your decision."

"Have you? Lemme guess-in a hands on kind of way?"

"Of course-it's your choice."

"Yes-for the first time it is. By the way, are you going to see Vivian?"

"Yes."

"Well good luck-your probably the only one who could help her."

They stopped at her back window, and Remus watched as Gabriel climbed up to Vivian's window and let himself in even as Vivian protested. Remus sat down, letting their voices fade into the background as he gathered his thoughts.

'I suppose know what to do. We are all trying to live our lives the way we want to, but there are just some things we have to do.'

Remus sighed, barely hearing Gabriel's story; he didn't really want to hear it, but he knew now what that story meant. That probably every Loup-Garou had a story like this, something that gave them their dose of reality; Remus could still picture Aiden's terrified face and the smell of Vivian's blood as she lay on the ground with a bullet inside her, and Gabriel holding her hand the entire time.

'I suppose it's time for me to face the music. What Gabriel is saying is true-it makes sense.' The faces of his three friends, and even Lily flashed briefly in his mind. 'I'll miss them so much, but that's over with now. There were so many happy times. Maybe if there weren't any good memories, then maybe it wouldn't be so painful-but this is reality.'

Remus heard a sudden thump and a surprised yelp. He smiled. 'Guess Gabriel did it.' He could hear Vivian's human voice float out through the window and into the early September night. He watched as Gabriel beckoned her to follow him as the two walked onto the roof, and disappearing into the night. 'Well it seems she's made her choice-and now I've made mine.' He bid a mental farewell as he walked off.

+

A few hours later, Remus walked back into the house, feeling his heart thudding in his chest. He passed Rudy doing a last minute tune up on the truck.

"Everyone inside?" he asked.

"Yup-were all set to go for tomorrow."

"Oh ok."

Remus hurried inside, heading into the kitchen; he could hear Esme' giggling upstairs with Tomas. He smiled-he really liked Tomas, and he was glad that she found someone. Taking a breath and looking around, Remus realized he'd miss this kitchen. He'd miss this house.

Walking at a deliberately slow pace, Remus was saying his goodbyes. He went through each and every room delicately and fondly. He moved to the stairs, relieved to see Vivian's door opened. He leaned against the door frame, watching as she packed.

A suitcase was half filled clothes, the room was messy and boxes littered the floor. The only furniture remaining was Vivian's bed-or rather the mattress; the dawn light was starting to stalk the horizon, and Remus could see Rudy back into the drive with a large moving truck. Vivian was pulling clothes out the closet and sketchbooks into boxes. Remus could see her mural was getting painted over-white streaks erasing large chunks of running bodies.

Remus smiled at her almost happy frantic way she moved around her room, muttering to herself. The way her pajamas rustled as she moved. The sparks were back in her eyes 'Well Gabriel did it-I'm so happy for them.' He rapped on the wall.

"Busy?" he asked, as she looked up in surprise.

"Remus? Haven't seen you in a while-what's up?"

"Not too much-need a hand?"

"Yeah thanks."

Remus walked in, shifting through the sea of boxes and he ducked as Vivian flung clothes in the direction of her suitcase. For a moment, the two flung clothes at each other, laughing.

"You know, I think you've got to expand your wardrobe." Remus teased.

"That's funny coming from you-you need clothes more than I do!" Vivian cried in mock indignation.

"True enough-guess I'll have to get more when we get to Vermont."

"Wait does that mean-"

"That I'm coming with you all? Yes."

"Oh Remus!" she hugged him. "That's great!"

He smiled. "Isn't it? Now we're on the same page, my Queen."

"Queen? Oh-I guess you would have heard about that. Yes-I've chosen-to be the Queen Bitch and help Gabriel lead the pack. I'll do right by my father."

"Then it seems we really are on the same page. I'll help you and Gabriel in any way I can. I may not have known your father, but I'll do right by you and Gabriel." he pronounced solemnly.

"Remus…thank you. I accept your offer. I will uphold my duty-and gladly have you by my side as well. I won't go easy on you." she teased at the end.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Well then, as your first task-you'll go help pack up the rest of the things lying around."

"At once my Queen." playfully, he bowed low.

+

"That's the last of it." Rudy said as he loaded a dresser in the back.

"Thank you." Esme''s' voice quivered with emotion as she suddenly hugged her brother.

Gabriel was up front, giving directions for the vehicles that would follow behind him. The convoy was already forming, with Gabriel in lead and Rudy bringing up the rear. The pack was swarming around, making last minute checks-finding out where was where with whom and who was going where and with what. Gabriel managed to make it less hectic and conspicuous as he made it as efficient as he possibly could.

The Five were clambering into a car, with Lucien looking harassed as they tried to convince him to let one of them drive. Old man Orlando was sharing a car with Aunt Persia, and Esme' wrangled a bunch of females in a car pool, and made kissy faces at Tomas, who was riding with Bucky and few of his friends. Gabriel called out for the move to begin, and Remus slid into the backseat next to Tomas. Directly in front of them, Vivian slid behind Gabriel's large form, wrapping her arms around his midsection as they straddled the motorcycle.

Gabriel roared the engine to life, taking the lead as he drove down the road. Remus rolled down his window, sticking his head out to give one last look at the old Victorian house that he lived in for half the year. He smiled as the Five's raucous goodbyes echoed around his ears.

As they raced down the freeway, the line of vehicles winding around the roads like a serpent, Remus smiled-life was full of surprises; he found something special.

Home.


	20. Brave new World

The sounds of pounding hammers competed with the morning birdsong. Remus rubbed his eyes blearily as the October air filtrated through his tent. He zipped open the flap and crawled out.

Even though they had only been in Vermont for two months, Remus knew he and the pack had its work cut out for them. The inn that Gabriel had purchased needed some slight renovation, but contained nothing else other than the acres of land that went with it. So it was decided that they would build their own houses.

Everyone took part, however it was difficult; many were looking for jobs at the same time and some had to look for schools(Remus himself helped Gabriel's mother find a school for the triplets.) so progress was difficult. The pack was divided by those who stayed in the small town five miles away(just until they got settled in) or camped out in tents around the property.

Remus walked to the half built house, the wooden beams slightly gleaming in the cool morning light. He smiled, knowing he would enjoy the work he was about to do.


End file.
